To want our stuff back?

[PowerTools]

Bit of guidance needed because I'm sure I'm NBU but everyone is telling me otherwise and now I'm doubting myself.

Late last year DH's younger brother bought his first house and moved in with his partner. We lent him most of the contents of our garage so he could do up the house - gardening stuff, sanders, drills, basically all the major tools you need as we figured there was no point them spending money when they could borrow from us.

Anyway months have passed and we need stuff back to work on our own house however DBIL is now saying that he hasn't finished with the stuff yet as he hasn't had time to get everything done. The kicker is he's also saying that as we're better off we should just buy all the tools again! For context - DBIL is public sector and his partner is on minimum wage whereas we're both on around £35k.

I feel like we've done them a massive favour and they can always borrow the tools again at some point. DMIL is always on DBIL's side and has said that we can afford to buy new stuff but I don't want to have to spend hundreds. DH has always been expected to look after his brother and thinks we can easily buy another hedge strimmer (the current needed tool) but doesn't seem to grasp that we're also going to have to purchase everything again if we don't get stuff back.

AIBU? And how the heck do I get my stuff back short of raiding their house?!

Tell your DH’s side of the family you need them yourselves for a job this weekend, and that you’ve promised to lend them next to someone on your side of the family. You can hardly be accused of being selfish when you’re LENDING them again, just to someone else.

If your in laws come knocking again, just say ‘oops, the tool you want is 150km away at my cousins, at the mo. Happy to put your names on the list, though.’ Shame the list is written in invisible ink, on the underside of your toilet seat. Oh well.

Sod that! Cheeky Fucker extrodinaires. DMIL can buy them the stuff if she thinks they need it that badly. The absolute cheek.

"Haha BIL you are funny!" Will pop round and pick them up on so and so day, see you then!" and then don't answer any other CF messages.

Tell your DH’s side of the family you need them yourselves for a job this weekend, and that you’ve promised to lend them next to someone on your side of the family

The OP doesn't need to give ANY reasons to the cheeky twats. They're her fucking tools. She wants them back. End.

Take them back one at a time as you need them. You can even say you’ll bring them back when you’re finished, then ‘forget’.

How is it your fault that he can't earn a decent income? Why should you be expected to give him stuff just because you earn more?

I’d just send DH round to collect them tbh. It’s his brother. And obviously tell him not to be so ridiculous, you don’t get to keep items belonging to another person because your earnings aren’t as high as the owners.

My sister had a neighbour who constantly borrowed her food processor. Then it got to the stage where my sister would ask for it back, and the neighbour would be a bit frosty and say "Well, alright, but I need it back by tomorrow" as if she was doing the lending. That was the tip of the iceberg when it came to CFery, so sister eventually sold and moved.

I think your best option is to see this as a learning opportunity. If you insist on getting the tools back there will be trouble, as there's nothing rational going on. Let them have the tools, and tell your DH that's it, nothing is ever going to be lent to them again, and no more favours ever. And stick to it. Fuck 'em. Reduce contact.

Sod that get round there and take them back if they haven't used them in 7 months their need doesn't seem particularly urgent and if you are about to start work you need them. Not your problem they have sat on their arses potentially for months and not moved anything along.

They can borrow them back if needed and you not using them.

She sold up and moved house, Juells?? A bit on the dramatic side.

Op I'm the same, why buy new if another family member or close friend already has the equipment. I bought a karcher and I think my dsis has it but it could be at my dads, it would be returned if i needed it. Similarly I currently have my dads wallpaper steamer and paste table it will
likely remain under my stairs until somebody else needs it. I don't think YABU at all, he is a CF

Surely it's no drama? Just tell him you're getting X,y or z, once you're done he's welcome to come get them again. Or do you live quite far apart? Which would make it a bit difficult. My dad has way more money than me but I'd never expect to keep what I borrow from him! And I borrow a lot of power tools.

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar

She sold up and moved house, Juells?? A bit on the dramatic side.

As I said in my post, that was the tip of the iceberg. Small village, no privacy, neighbour would knock and knock and knock on the door because "I knew you were in, I could see your feet when I looked under the blind" invite herself in and not leave until every drop of drink in the house was gone. Nothing you can do when the neighbour is a local and you're a blow-in. Everyone lived in everyone else's pocket.

Just because you can afford to rebuy all the tools doesn't mean you should.

Honestly the wastefulness is ridiculous, like a PP said, does every single house in the country need to have a complete set of tools? They belong to you, tell them you have custody and they can borrow them EOW.

Your H needs to say to his brother to return his stuff in the meantime and when he wants to get started again to ask, but that it's for a fixed amount of time like a week, no more.

You give him the stuff and then borrow it back. Then you won't need to make room for it in your garage.

Every Christmas and birthday you should give them a drawing of one of the tools they've borrowed as their 'gift'. You'd save a fortune in presents over the years.

YANBU.
Just say " we need our hedge trimmer, you can borrow it again after we have used it if needs be".
Why does he get to steal your tools ?

I've convinced DH to go collect them on Friday to get stuff done Saturday. He's slightly mollified by the concept of only getting the things we need at this point but god knows how long we'll drag this out for. They live about an hour away too but if DH wants to waste his time on multiple trips rather than sorting it all at once that's his look out...

The whole situation is batshit crazy. What a CF.

I'd also be concerned for the well-being of my power tools if the dipshit who borrowed them thinks a sander doesn't work because sanding sheets wear out. Sounds like a right thick entitled bastard.

Your DH needs a bloody good talking to as well, he's being wimpy over this.

The only circumstance under which YABU is if it was your husband who bought all the stuff , in which case he can gift it to his brother if he chooses.

Buy they are CFs for sure !

YADNBU. A (gentle) raid might be in order - turn up unexpectedly and say you really need your tools back that moment and then stand your ground until you have them. Then if they want to borrow them again I think they should be mysteriously unavailable!

I would probably just gift them the stuff in your position

It's an expensive way to learn but you're better off to just let them keep it, but what you need again and never lend them anything

WTF? Why on earth would anyone just give away expensive tools? There are far more interesting things to spend money on.

OK so let's say you just give them the stuff. It would be fair enough to borrow it back from them then wouldn't it, instead of going out and buying a new set?

Gosh, yes, this is a cunning plan indeed ... except they'd still have bought new sodding tools?!

I suspect DBIL is reluctant to give them back to you as some (hopefully not all )of them are lost, damaged or broken.

I wouldn't lend them anything again. They are CFs and MIL needs to butt out.

I don't lend stuff to 2 of my siblings for this very reason - 'lend' seems to mean 'give' in my family, from money to possessions once it's in their hands it's lost forever.
They initially thought that I was just being unreasonable 🙄 but now they don't ask and I don't get as annoyed by them.
Apparently it was ok because I 'earn more than them' (this is their perception because I have a bourgeois 'proper' job)
I am very generous when I'm actually giving gifts but my stuff is mine!