Dug myself a massive hole re DS and sports day, tell me what to do!

[marioncole]

DS is in year 6. In every sports day for the last 6 years he has come last at everything and his self-esteem is always rock bottom afterwards. It breaks my heart. All of the competitions are variations on running races. I've campaigned for the school to try and bring more variety in because if you're slow at running then you're always going to come last, but nothing has changed.

So I've been dreading this one because I know DS is dreading it. Then last week I decided (without really thinking it through) that I would fabricate an appointment at the same time as sports day which has been in the diary for ages. I asked DS whether he would like me to cancel the appointment so that he could go to sports day, he was over the moon that he wouldn't have to do it.

So my plan (in retrospect not a good one) was to pick DS up from school for his appointment, then tell him it didn't exist.

I saw his teacher this morning and she asked me whether DS really had an appointment because he'd told her he wouldn't be able to do sports day. I told he that yes, the appointment had been in the diary for ages.

The thing I hadn't really properly thought through was that DS is going to have to lie when he gets back to school about said non-existent appointment. That's not fair on him. The teacher is clearly already sceptical, so she may very well ask him about it.

So what do I do?

1. Now claim the appointment has been cancelled?
2. Tell DS the truth and ask him what he wants to do?
3. Keep with the original plan?

I was only doing it to protect his feelings but I've got a horrible feeling I've made it all worse.

Don't shout at me!

I agree with Pinkheart.
Go along and support him and then take him out for a treat after school. Tell him you’re proud of him for taking part and discuss how people have different strengths. Honesty and resilience are good character traits.

I like this thread. I have a son who dreads sports day. This year I'm calling in sick for him. He's badly asthmatic and has hay fever and it's just an ordeal.

I did this once with DD .. pretended we had an appointment, then went into London to see Mamma Mia at the theatre 😍👍😍

And DD was an athlete when she was older - but was so shy she was always mortified about ‘performing’ in front of people she knew.

It was bloody lovely - still remember the look on her face now, 10 years later.

Do it and don’t think about it for a second. Yours kids need you to look after their emotional needs at all ages but certainly then ❤️❤️❤️

One of my favourite school memories was mum bunking me out of sports day for mum daughter time x

The school won't care. They know the app. is a lie. Honestly. He's done SATs and has a month left.
You're over thinking.

Just imagining empty sports day fields throughout the land

If that's the case then maybe, just maybe they might bet the message that traditional sports days suck. There are good ones where there is inclusion and competition and less time sitting on the grass hanging around - let those take the lead.

I fully support you taking him out. But what if it's cancelled (weather?) and they reschedule? Eek.

@twofalls no problem! Let me know if you have any questions in the future and I’ll try my best to answer them from experience 🙂 That’s good, glad she’ll be able to get a laptop! I was the same - languages and humanities are my strong subjects too, so lots of typing there! Yoga and martial arts are great - I did karate for a bit too when I was younger.

Thank you by the way 🙂 I’m off to University in a few months to study law, and it’ll be the longest I’ve ever been away from home 😳 I’m excited for it, though!

All the best 🙂

Agree with all rest, let him bunk off.

You could just say to your DS that you got confused over which appointment it was and book him in for something generic?

That way he won’t have to feel guilty and lie to his teacher, being part of a lie at such a young age can be a huge burden, however small the lie might seem. Then again, it may not be an issue?

The only ethical dilemma really is that you would be telling a lie to your DS? It’s a tricky situation OP. It sounds like something I’d have got myself wrangled up in back in the day!

Good Luck.

I actually went to a hospital appointment (with my appointment letter) to be told that they had changed it from the Monday to the Friday. So I'd go with saying that hospital phoned you on the day and re arranged it. They do it frequently

I would book a different appointment and then, on the day, tell ds that appointment one was cancelled but thankfully appointment 2 were able to get you in so you didn't waste the day.

I wouldn't take him in in the afternoon, I would just take him to get his eyes checked or teeth done instead and have a lovely day around it.

I don't like the idea of asking any child to lie. An opticians appointment is at least something real and he would be telling the truth.

Take him to the hospital, sit him in the cafe with a drink.

Go over to a member of hospital staff/security. Ask them where the toilets/lift is.

Go back to DS - hospital person said appointment is cancelled - sad face.

Go home and do something daft. Bit elaborate but he’s not lying lol.

I have lots of humiliating memories of sports day at school. Utterly awful. But I could never get out of it because “it’s taking part that counts”.

Brilliant idea op. Good for you.

It always makes me laugh that people ring their hands so much over their child being last at sports day. Some kids are always ‘last’ at anything academic, but we can’t just pull kids out of that can we?

No. But schools bend over backwards not to highlight poor academic performance. So they won't call the maths sets 1,2 and 3 but red, yellow and blue. They go to great lengths to keep your child's performance confidential; it'd be a sacking offence for a teacher to say "Your Johnny is good at maths. He's a lot better than Bob, Bill and Ben who can't even count to 10 - but not quite as good as Martin, who can recite his 17 times table." It simply wouldn't be acceptable to have a "maths day", where all the kids had to stand up and answer questions publicly, or sat an exam where they shouted out the marks. So why is it okay for one "subject" (PE) and not others?

I am surprised at the number of people who think that at 11 he won't have worked out that it's possible to lie to get something you want or avoid something you don't want. Making him lie may be unfair but I would have either told the school the truth or asked my child if they wanted me to fake an appointment. I wouldn't give it much thought really and I personally wouldn't lie to my child.

as telling the school the truth now is a bit awkward I would go with telling your DS the truth after you have picked him up.

I took my DS out of sports day this year. We went to London - he kept up the sickness pretence.

We give no shits.

It always makes me laugh that people ring their hands so much over their child being last at sports day. Some kids are always ‘last’ at anything academic, but we can’t just pull kids out of that can we?

No. But schools bend over backwards not to highlight poor academic performance. So they won't call the maths sets 1,2 and 3 but red, yellow and blue. They go to great lengths to keep your child's performance confidential; it'd be a sacking offence for a teacher to say "Your Johnny is good at maths. He's a lot better than Bob, Bill and Ben who can't even count to 10 - but not quite as good as Martin, who can recite his 17 times table." It simply wouldn't be acceptable to have a "maths day", where all the kids had to stand up and answer questions publicly, or sat an exam where they shouted out the marks. So why is it okay for one "subject" (PE) and not others?

Was just coming here to post this same point. If a child isn't good at maths or english they are given extra help and support. If they aren't good at sports, they are left to be humiliated.

All mine loved Sports day but there were other things like school trips that they didn’t want to do to so we made an excuse (lied). Being able to lie convincingly is a life skill surely?😉

Is the fabricated appointment at a time that could be easily mistaken?

I had an eye appointment for DD last year that was 1st June at 11am.. I missed it because I thought it was at 1pm!

Drove all the way to the hospital only to find out I was wrong... so we went to the beach instead!

It always astonishes me how anti sport MN is. Some children are better at sports, some children are better at academic subjects, some are good at both. Believe me teachers are really not interested in humiliating kids on sports day. They're all too knackered to care.

I took my DS out of sports day this year. We went to London - he kept up the sickness pretence. We give no shits That's fine. But you're not some sort of social justice warrior.

I'd just tell him. Telling one lie doesn't shape your future.
The reason we don't like losing is it bruises our egos and we feel ashamed. Kids are clever and I'd be worried that he'll cotton on but think you've done it because you're ashamed/ embarrassed and that will have the most detrimental consequences of all options.

Pick him up, tell him what you've done and that you did it because you love him and you know how much it upsets him and because you can! Let him know that nobody can determine what's right irvwring for him over you. Tell him he definitely won't get into trouble and it will be your little secret but then give him the option of going in because you can say the appointment got cancelled. You need to act like you don't care either way so he doesn't think your embarrassed that he loses.