Dug myself a massive hole re DS and sports day, tell me what to do!

[marioncole]

DS is in year 6. In every sports day for the last 6 years he has come last at everything and his self-esteem is always rock bottom afterwards. It breaks my heart. All of the competitions are variations on running races. I've campaigned for the school to try and bring more variety in because if you're slow at running then you're always going to come last, but nothing has changed.

So I've been dreading this one because I know DS is dreading it. Then last week I decided (without really thinking it through) that I would fabricate an appointment at the same time as sports day which has been in the diary for ages. I asked DS whether he would like me to cancel the appointment so that he could go to sports day, he was over the moon that he wouldn't have to do it.

So my plan (in retrospect not a good one) was to pick DS up from school for his appointment, then tell him it didn't exist.

I saw his teacher this morning and she asked me whether DS really had an appointment because he'd told her he wouldn't be able to do sports day. I told he that yes, the appointment had been in the diary for ages.

The thing I hadn't really properly thought through was that DS is going to have to lie when he gets back to school about said non-existent appointment. That's not fair on him. The teacher is clearly already sceptical, so she may very well ask him about it.

So what do I do?

1. Now claim the appointment has been cancelled?
2. Tell DS the truth and ask him what he wants to do?
3. Keep with the original plan?

I was only doing it to protect his feelings but I've got a horrible feeling I've made it all worse.

Don't shout at me!

When my DD was little they were having a sports day and the night before, she came downstairs with her easel and gave me an entire presentation on why it would be better for her to take the day off. She even had a little pointer that she used! It lasted a good 10 minutes! By the end of it I was so impressed by the level of work she'd put into it that I let her take the day off, lol. No one said anything about it at the school.

It's ok to have mum and child secrets sometimes. Have a nice day together ;)

He willbe leaving the primary in July stop overthinking it just stick to your story nobody is going to shine a lamp i toyour eyes And yell LIAR at you

Eye test... and that you.noticed he kept squinting when reading...

If any one asks (which I doubt they will) he can just say he doesn't want to talk about it.

Kids are skilled at lying..especially by the time they’re in Y6 so I wouldn’t think about it any further...😉

He's in year 6. He's not going to learn it's ok to lie. He's just going to learn that sometimes mummy unexpectedly does something really nice. He'll probably remember it for a long time.

Maybe they call me first thing to say the appointment has been cancelled because of illness.

hair appointment, ice cream appointment, an appointment with laser quest, doesn't matter.

Don't tell ds to lie either (sorry pp but no I do not lie to get out of things )

When teacher asks, let him say - Oh it was really cool, mum had an appointment with the ice cream shop, we had a great time. She may look shocked, but once the dead is done, what can she do?
The worst that can happen is that he will get one day unauthorized absence.

well, shoot me, he is in year 6, one day off in July, the sky won't fall in.

Better than lying because he has learnt than sometimes mum will just do what is best for ds.
because he has learnt that while we spend most of our time obeying the rules, the world doesn't end if sometimes we use common sense.
because he has learnt that running fast doesn't matter unless you are Usain Bolt

What kind of sports day do you have? Ours is pretty chilled. Each class is divided up into their house groups. Four from each house compete against each other in whatever the event is. The winning house is logged for each race. The classes rotate events including a holding stage in the middle of the field. There is the obligatory parents/carers race at the end and possibly a separate teachers' race.
No one gives much of a shit who wins each race. One of the four houses is declared the overall winner when the number of wins is totted up at the end.
It's all a bit of fun.

They call you enroute keep it simple

Brilliant plan. Just go for it and take him somewhere nice. Honestly bloody sports day is a nightmare for some kids and they make it miserable. I’d just keep him off until the next day.

And everyone competes. Some run twice if the house split in the year group is uneven. Sometimes they do a relay.

oh just seen that you have said what the appointment is. Well, when asked, ds can say - no we didn't go, we went out for lunch instead.

Don't make him lie.
Why does he need to?

Then we can just have a slightly smaller lie because we just don't tell school it was cancelled, rather than the whole thing being made up.

I am so guilty of overthinking these things. School is probably fully aware of what's going on!

Good idea MrsJayy or even go to the fake appointment and "realise" Mummy got her dates mixed up, then go for coffee/cake/ice-cream

I would like a little bit to him so that he doesn't have to. Tell him you got a text that the appointment has been cancelled, but it's too late to get to school so you and he might as well do something else instead. Then he can tell his teacher that the appointment was cancelled and Mummy decided it was too late for him to get to sports day.

The teacher won't believe you, but who cares?

I would have any appointment going, and make it short! Then take him for an amazing icecream job done! :)

We have just the same problem every year, and funnily enough my dds asthma is always awful that day and she can't go in.

I tried the other route of making her go, and it was just horrendous every single time, and crushed her. If you can't save your children from this small version of hell if you are not sporty then what can you do for your child? I still shudder remembering the humiliation of mine 35 years ago!

I am all for making kids do everything even when they are not good at something, but if you come last year after year, and everyone sniggers it is not good for a child's self esteem.

Go to town for the day (or whatever) and go into the hospital, sit around for 30 minutes, then get on with your day. Depending on how smart he is, he may then naturally be comfortable saying I went to the hospital.. saw doctors walking around, blah blah.

auntiebasil it's a nightmare if you're not sporty. All the children have to do all the events, they're all a variation on a running race. So he will lose 5 races again. I don't know why we can't have other things like throwing or jumping. It's so hyper competitive. Parents and pupils line the sides of the track cheering, so everyone watches him come last every time.

I see the optician has been suggested several times.... I wouldn’t be comfortable asking him to lie either, but you’ll have his thanks everlasting for pulling him out of sports day.

Book another appointment somewhere like others are suggesting then tell the school that you looked incorrectly at your calendar and confused this appointment with the one for whatever you told them before I've genuinely made this mistake

PS Our sports day for the record is horrendously competitive. They should have ambulances waiting outside (and thats just for the parents)
I so wish ours was the chilled, happy event that others have posted upthread. It would be something to look forward to then.

DO NOT feel guilty about saving your child this pain Op! A small white lie he will thank you for in years to come, and yes I am sure you are not the first or the last parent to do this!! She probably sees it every year :)

Just keep him off all day

I make him do loads of things he's not good at but after 6 years of sports day humiliation I've had enough.

I'm normally against teaching kids you can lie to get out of stuff you don't want to do, but in your case I'd do exactly the same. Its a primary school sports day, not the bloody olympics, is it really that hard to fix it so the same kids don't come last in everything all the time?

Just stick to the story, he'll be leaving soon, and have a lovely day.