Dug myself a massive hole re DS and sports day, tell me what to do!

[marioncole]

DS is in year 6. In every sports day for the last 6 years he has come last at everything and his self-esteem is always rock bottom afterwards. It breaks my heart. All of the competitions are variations on running races. I've campaigned for the school to try and bring more variety in because if you're slow at running then you're always going to come last, but nothing has changed.

So I've been dreading this one because I know DS is dreading it. Then last week I decided (without really thinking it through) that I would fabricate an appointment at the same time as sports day which has been in the diary for ages. I asked DS whether he would like me to cancel the appointment so that he could go to sports day, he was over the moon that he wouldn't have to do it.

So my plan (in retrospect not a good one) was to pick DS up from school for his appointment, then tell him it didn't exist.

I saw his teacher this morning and she asked me whether DS really had an appointment because he'd told her he wouldn't be able to do sports day. I told he that yes, the appointment had been in the diary for ages.

The thing I hadn't really properly thought through was that DS is going to have to lie when he gets back to school about said non-existent appointment. That's not fair on him. The teacher is clearly already sceptical, so she may very well ask him about it.

So what do I do?

1. Now claim the appointment has been cancelled?
2. Tell DS the truth and ask him what he wants to do?
3. Keep with the original plan?

I was only doing it to protect his feelings but I've got a horrible feeling I've made it all worse.

Don't shout at me!

I would just pick him up and then say you have just received an email cancelling the appointment.

Pick your DS up from school. Take him to the dentist...tell him to sit in the waiting area. Quietly speak to receptionist and book an appt.
Tell you’re DS you need to leave then when you’re in the car explain that the dentist was sick so they have rebooked the appt.

He doesn’t need to lie to his teacher that way.

@goldiloz you’re right character building and building resilience is important.
Sports days aren’t. I’m sure he has more than enough opportunity to practice basic social skills including losing and being a gracious loser at other times. It’s sports day....not an exam. Get a grip.

I totally understand your dilemma. However, lying, and getting your son to lie is never a good idea! What would yo do if the weather means it's postponed?
This is my suggestion.
Go into school. See his teacher. Explain his fears. Ask if he can do a job during the event. I get children whom I know won't want to take part to do things like give out place stickers, collect children for their races, sort equipment etc etc. He needs to know that you have his back, but will do this by helping him to manage tricky situations.

Amazing how many people are suggesting going to sit in a hospital to pretend to go to an appointment or booking an unnecessary opticians or dentist. Just tell him it was cancelled and then have a nice day out. He's not lying as he doesn't know it was a lie in the first place and the school couldn't care less anyway. Honestly don't get why you're tying yourself in knots about it all.

Tell the school the truth , who cares if they care . Your son has done his time . Give him a day out and have fun .

If you can't do the 'book new appointment,' I'd pretend you're on the phone on the day of the appointment 'hearing' it's cancelled. Then he wont be lying if he has to say the appointment got postponed/cancelled. If they quiz you about it, I'd totally say 'yes I had to make something up to protect him!' Then work out with them how he can be excused from them if it's difficult for him. Bloody sports days!! I sympathise. They were absolute hell for me, too. And now I'm a fit and healthy adult who loves mountain biking. I just didn't like the fear of coming 'last,' having to be competitive and getting pushed around on the netball court by shouting, bullying 'sporty' kids!

I'd just pick him up, drive for ten minutes in the direction of the hospital or wherever and then tell him it was cancelled. I wouldn't bother taking him back to school that day.

I wouldn't change my mind now and tell him he does have to do sports day after all - it would be even worse for the poor lad if he was so close to getting out of it!

The fact that you are worrying about it shows that you are bringing him up to be a decent chap - I don't think one missed sports day will change that.

I'm too honest for my own good at times but I'd definitely ring in sick if my work decided to hold a sports day!

Go into school. See his teacher. Explain his fears I don't think its a big enough thing to do this? It's more about instead of child doing something he routinely has to do and hates he is now going to have an unplanned brilliant day out. There's few enough school sports days that it's not something that needs to be dealt with. By the way to the people saying just take him to the dentist, please don't-imagine they ended up having to do something and he had an awful day!! Lovely idea to have a nice day out, OP, hope you have a good one!

The fact that you are worrying about it shows that you are bringing him up to be a decent chap - I don't think one missed sports day will change that Exactly!