Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dug myself a massive hole re DS and sports day, tell me what to do!

260 replies

marioncole · 18/06/2018 15:14

DS is in year 6. In every sports day for the last 6 years he has come last at everything and his self-esteem is always rock bottom afterwards. It breaks my heart. All of the competitions are variations on running races. I've campaigned for the school to try and bring more variety in because if you're slow at running then you're always going to come last, but nothing has changed.

So I've been dreading this one because I know DS is dreading it. Then last week I decided (without really thinking it through) that I would fabricate an appointment at the same time as sports day which has been in the diary for ages. I asked DS whether he would like me to cancel the appointment so that he could go to sports day, he was over the moon that he wouldn't have to do it.

So my plan (in retrospect not a good one) was to pick DS up from school for his appointment, then tell him it didn't exist.

I saw his teacher this morning and she asked me whether DS really had an appointment because he'd told her he wouldn't be able to do sports day. I told he that yes, the appointment had been in the diary for ages.

The thing I hadn't really properly thought through was that DS is going to have to lie when he gets back to school about said non-existent appointment. That's not fair on him. The teacher is clearly already sceptical, so she may very well ask him about it.

So what do I do?

  1. Now claim the appointment has been cancelled?
  2. Tell DS the truth and ask him what he wants to do?
  3. Keep with the original plan?

I was only doing it to protect his feelings but I've got a horrible feeling I've made it all worse.

Don't shout at me!

OP posts:
Branleuse · 18/06/2018 15:54

hes year 6 of summer term. Realistically what are they gonna do about it anyway. Im keeping my son off for sports day

Katedotness1963 · 18/06/2018 15:54

Wrong date. It's not June the 20th, its July the 20th?

OrchidInTheSun · 18/06/2018 15:55

I have kept DS2 off school for the last 2 years (he has dyspraxia) and I will do this year too (he's in year 6). I just tell the school he's just not coming in. It's boring and humiliating.

TheMagnoliaTree · 18/06/2018 15:55

I haven't done it for a sports day but I did say Ds2 was at the orthodontist, yes he was but he didn't have an appointment, his brother did.

NHS appointments are always within school hours and due to the timings I couldn't have been in 2 places at once. Rather than arse about trying to get someone else to pick up Ds2 I just wrote a letter saying he was at the orthodontist.

Sports day can be hell. Seriously, what is the worst thing you think school can do for taking him out?

Tiredtomybones · 18/06/2018 15:56

Bravo OP, definitely the right thing to do. I hated PE and Sports Day as a child and one of my DC hates it too. We always have an appointment/illness on Sports Day. He appreciates it and it's our little family secret.

Homemenu1 · 18/06/2018 15:57

Just tell the schoo the truth, tell them you lied to ds to save him having to be humiliated and that you hold full responsibility.

MollyDaydream · 18/06/2018 15:58

Tell him you got the day wrong and it was yesterday.

I took my children to the dentist a day late recently.

Isleepinahedgefund · 18/06/2018 15:59

He DOES have an appointment though, with his lovely mum who’s gone out of her way to save him from something awful. Don’t overthink it, it will be fine, I’m sure you won’t be the only parent doing this. Have fun together!

Trinity66 · 18/06/2018 16:00

why do you care if the school think you lied anyway? They're not going to say that to your face

KeithLeMonde · 18/06/2018 16:01

I'd email the school and tell them you're not sending him in for sports day as it destroys his self esteem.

Caribou58 · 18/06/2018 16:01

If you lived near me, I'd be willing to pose as a child psychologist seeing your child for the damage to his self-esteem caused by being made to participate in this hellish event at primary school every year.

Teacher: So, how was your appointment, marioncole's DS ?

DS: Quite good - the child psychologist says I'm to try not to hate you and all the other teachers for the damage you've caused to my self-esteem by making me come last in races every year...

Snowysky20009 · 18/06/2018 16:01

Pick him up, set your phone to alarm in 10 minutes, pull over, fictional conversation about appointment cancelled as the person has gone home as their child was unwell in school, many apogies will rearrange etc. Say to ds you might as well stay home any way shall we go for ice cream?

Job done!

Original poster
marioncole · 18/06/2018 16:02

KeithLeMonde I know you're right, but my self-esteem is pretty low too and I'm not a fan of confrontation!

OP posts:
Oopsmeagain · 18/06/2018 16:03

I don't blame you OP. Mine never minded primary school sports days but one of them hated secondary school ones.

I made DS1 go to one secondary sports day then let him call in sick on every one since. I tried to persuade him that it would be aright but when he came back from the first one so utterly humiliated after being made to do the triple jump and not even reaching the sand and everyone laughing at him, I saw there was no benefits at all in being humiliated like that with everyone watching.

DS2 in contrast loves secondary school sports day and regularly comes home with medals. Two more different children I could not imagine.

KingLooieCatz · 18/06/2018 16:05

Pity more schools don't do it like DS's, everything is done as a mixed ability team that do each activity as a very short relay (e.g. space hopper to the cone and back) it's all slightly chaotic and hard to work out who was best, an overall winning team is announced, often closely related to which was best at cheering each other on. No one is singled out, other than in the parents' races, which are not compulsory. Happiest school in the city.

Primary 7 are marshals for P1-3. Accolades for being so mature.

Slight tangent, DH attended this year and was saved from coming last in the dads' race when another dad tripped over.

Original poster
marioncole · 18/06/2018 16:06

There's something wrong if so many kids hate sports day.

OP posts:
eyycarumba · 18/06/2018 16:06

My 'parents' only used to come to sports to laugh at me as they told me once I was older. I'm useless at any type of athletics and run like a broken ostrich. I wish I had got chance to be taken out during sports day!

Your son is only there another 6 weeks (?), it's not like he's going to be around the teacher much longer. Book a haircut? Or do as I read above, pick him then say it's been cancelled but you're still taking him out

BingTheButterflySlayer · 18/06/2018 16:10

This point in year 6 to be honest I wouldn't give much of a shit what the teacher thought of me to be honest if it came to pulling a day off to avoid another sports day humiliation (thankfully ours are still at the level of being non competitive just having a go at something for 5 minutes and onto the next thing - but I'd do it in a heartbeat to protect my kid's self esteem when it gets to the level of standing around waiting to come dead last in a running race).

If you're needing to do the appointment thing I'd just do the last minute cancellation thing - but honestly it's one that, with otherwise good attendance, I'd just be brazening out.

FlyingElbows · 18/06/2018 16:11

Honestly what is it with mn and this weird desire to concoct unnecessarily elaborate stories. Just don't send him on sports day, it's that simple. You are the parent, if you don't want to send him then don't. Works for me.

RhythmStix · 18/06/2018 16:13

At the risk of sounding weird, why is everyone so keen on the OP's ds having ice cream?

BingTheButterflySlayer · 18/06/2018 16:14

At the risk of sounding weird, why is everyone so keen on the OP's ds having ice cream?

It tastes nice?

MrsJayy · 18/06/2018 16:16

Why not have an ice cream ?

Verbena37 · 18/06/2018 16:18

Book a school visit appointment at another school.
You’re totally allowed to do it in school time and they can’t mark it as absent I’m pretty sure.

Then you won’t need to lie.
He is in year 6 so it’s common for them to head off to non-feeder schools.
You don’t even need to lie to your DS. Just tell him you wanted 5o make sure you have chosen the right secondary.

If there are no other secondaries in your area, look at private or even boarding.

If your DS says he really wants to go to that school, just say you can’t afford it or their syllabus isn’t as good as secondary he is actually going to.

DamsonGin · 18/06/2018 16:21

Ice cream sounds much nicer than ritual humiliation.

HungerOfThePine · 18/06/2018 16:22

My dc has the same issue but more the fact that her yet to be diagnosed add/adhd, head in the clouds impacts her ability to take part and creates stress and sadness all round although we don't show it obv and it possibly knocks her confidence when she starts a race when everyone is almost finished and then is upset she was last etc.

I just kept her off this time and the school didn't even bother to contact me as per their usual procedure. They know the score with my dc I think.

Keep the lies simple, I would have invented a long appointment at an awkward time making coming into school pointless or just what I did this time and just kept her off.