Dug myself a massive hole re DS and sports day, tell me what to do!

[marioncole]

DS is in year 6. In every sports day for the last 6 years he has come last at everything and his self-esteem is always rock bottom afterwards. It breaks my heart. All of the competitions are variations on running races. I've campaigned for the school to try and bring more variety in because if you're slow at running then you're always going to come last, but nothing has changed.

So I've been dreading this one because I know DS is dreading it. Then last week I decided (without really thinking it through) that I would fabricate an appointment at the same time as sports day which has been in the diary for ages. I asked DS whether he would like me to cancel the appointment so that he could go to sports day, he was over the moon that he wouldn't have to do it.

So my plan (in retrospect not a good one) was to pick DS up from school for his appointment, then tell him it didn't exist.

I saw his teacher this morning and she asked me whether DS really had an appointment because he'd told her he wouldn't be able to do sports day. I told he that yes, the appointment had been in the diary for ages.

The thing I hadn't really properly thought through was that DS is going to have to lie when he gets back to school about said non-existent appointment. That's not fair on him. The teacher is clearly already sceptical, so she may very well ask him about it.

So what do I do?

1. Now claim the appointment has been cancelled?
2. Tell DS the truth and ask him what he wants to do?
3. Keep with the original plan?

I was only doing it to protect his feelings but I've got a horrible feeling I've made it all worse.

Don't shout at me!

Yes exactly six whole years he has endured it for already. Can't think he will be sad to miss this one

What did you tell him the appointment was? Any chance he misheard and you actually said optician?

don't book an appointment- just have a fun day and then just tell your son to say it was fine- he'll be chuffed you two have a secret and glad he doesn't have to do sports day- win win.

I'd book an eye test then tell the school you mixed up which appointment was on which day. It means your DS doesn't need to lie. You tell him you made a mistake. He can honestly say he went to an optician.
My DS is the same as your's at sports day and I completely understand why you're opting out.

Yes I agree with others dentist appointment or take him for an eye test, If all else fails take him to get a pedicure and tell him the appointment is for his sombody to check his feet 😂 if the teacher is already sceptical she’s going to ask him about it when he gets back from school and will easily tell if he is lying, and your right don’t put him in a situation where he needs to lie.

I think I'll pick him up from school and tell him the appointment has been cancelled, then ask him if he would prefer to just pretend we went anyway.

I wish I hadn't overthought it with an appointment that's impossible to make!

Well I would have just let him have the day off and not lied about it in the first place. However, I've turned up at an appointment only to be told it was the following month, so he can just say mummy got the date wrong and has to rebook it if asked.

Have a nice day

It would be a shame if he vomited the night before because it would mean two days off school and cancelling the appointment as well.

And I've already told the school what the appointment is so I can't really change it for something else now.

Oooh, yes to the wrong day (a week late, say) for the appointment. Honestly, I've known adults do that IRL!

Meh, I just don't send my kids in on Sports Day if they don't want to do it. It's horrendous - the other kids basically cheat, the parents scream encouragement to cheat from the sidelines, and the teachers can't be arsed to make anyone do it properly. It teaches them nothing about sportsmanship or the spirit of competing and so they don't have to participate if they don't want to. They're both sporty kids but its such a colossal waste of time.

oh bless your DS, I used to always come last at Primary Sports Day running races (wasn't too bad at the rest of the event thankfully). I recall my mum asking me if I wanted to go to my Yr6 Sports Day or just skive because previously I felt so silly. I said I couldn't skive because that was lying but my Nan told me to just make a bit of a performance of me coming last and to take it al on the chin. To this day I feel so proud of myself for making it round that track and happily waving at everyone clapping and cheering me on as I came last - made me feel like I actually won!

Is that an approach your DS could do if you cant go through with skiving? Issue is I bet your son is probably looking forward to missing it now...

OK so I'm hearing "Don't feel guilty, it'll be fine, who gives a shit if school are sceptical".

(I know that's not what you're all saying but that's what I'm choosing to hear!)

To be honest I could even say to school that the appointment has been cancelled but DS was so pleased to be missing it I'm going to be keeping him off anyway.

Don't feel guilty at all! I think you sound like an awesome mum!

I would just go along with it, pretend the appointment is happening... morning of "oh dear it's been cancelled... too late to make sports day anyway now" and then do something nice. School wont care, it's the last few weeks of his last year there, and he's missing a non-essential to learning event.

I would say you got the wrong week. I have genuinly turned up a week early for one of the dcs hospital appointments and a day late for a gp appointment (i felt so bad when i was standing at reception and they said it was yesterday).

Thanks spanishwife

Chances are no one will even ask him how the appointment went? It’s a bit nosey to ask?

I wouldn’t worry too much, he’s leaving in a few weeks anyway. I took my dd out for the last week of year 6 and the school couldn’t care less as she was leaving anyway.

I can see that your son looks a bit peaky, I think he may need two days off.
Don't worry about it, you're on his side, that's what counts

As others have said, just tell him it's cancelled when you pick him up so he can 'truthfully' tell the school that if they ask. Why is the teacher even challenging you in that way in any case?! I'd be a bit miffed if they assumed I was making it up (even if I was! )

Don’t feel too bad - my sports days were similar and I always came last. It was humiliating and it put me off sport and outdoor exercise for life. I force myself to run occasionally but feel very self conscious. Just make sure your lie is better planned next time!!!!

He's in Year 6. I think he can pull off a white lie.

No practical advice here but I think you're doing the right thing. I have very fond memories of my mum helping me to skip sports days in secondary school. It's a colossal waste of time and so discouraging to have to be publicly shit at something. If you're bad at maths they don't make you stand up and do long division in front of the whole school and their parents.