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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't have a party at home beyond 11pm?

400 replies

critiqueofeveryday · 18/06/2018 09:41

Neighbours in the next street (!) had a party on Saturday night in their garden. The noise started out at reasonable levels at 7pm. Predictably, as they drank into the night, voices got louder, and then the turned up the music to compensate.

We have really, really good double glazing and external insulation. We had all the windows shut, and we were still kept awake until they finally decided to pack up at 3am.

AIBU to think that's it's unacceptable to have loud, late night parties at home? I mean, this is literally what late night licensed pubs and bars are for, right? Why, why, why have it in your own garden, when you must know you are disturbing a whole neighbourhood?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 18/06/2018 20:58

I don't begrudge them their celebrations at all

This is an excellent way to put it, I couldn't find the right words, but that's it, none of us begrudge each other our celebrations, and we quite like to hear the sounds of each other having fun, because we all get on well and it's not regular.

So every now and again someone celebrates something, a birthday, a graduation, or just a get together with friends, there is music and dancing into the early hours. None of us begrudge it, none of us take offence, none of us would dream of demanding the music is switched off at 11, they take it inside and ask their guests not to talk or laugh too loudly in case it disturbs us.

Because they don't do it often, it's not every night or every weekend, it's not even every month, so yes if they or us want to party into the small hours now and again, we all smile and don't begrudge it, because it's reasonable.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/06/2018 20:59

We choose house parties because I have social anxiety so fuck you op with your stuck up your own arse ridiculous views.

not that socially anxious if you are happy to become antisocial if you illegally make excessive noise after 11pm.

If none of your neighbours can hear you, by all means, enjoy your friends. I don't know that many people who have a big enough house to throw a proper house party. The funny thing is that the ones who do have a house big enough tend to live in the middle of nowhere where they don't bother anyone anyway.

There are countless reasons why people need sleep, and many options to have a party legally and without being a nuisance. Deciding that it's your human right to have a noisy party disturbing your neighbours, and past the legal time of 11pm is entitled rude and ridiculous.

It's not about one-off, it's about having decided to live within a community. If you don't like it and don't like the rules, move.

Lizzie48 · 18/06/2018 20:59

Don't cancel it, @voldermorticia that would be a shame. It sounds like a it will be a great party. Invite all your neighbours and have a great time. It sounds like you're a considerate neighbour so, speaking for myself, I wouldn't have an issue with you letting your hair down in the circumstances you describe. Go for it! Thanks

MaggieTheMouse · 18/06/2018 21:00

What the hell has happened on this thread? Confused
Volder - one person said it's cheap and skanky. Lots of pp challenged that. It wasn't a personal attack on you and your party. Just someone pissed off and ranting about partying that kept them awake.

Tara336 · 18/06/2018 21:00

Homes are so tightly packed with thin walls these days I think you do have to be a bit more considerate imo. We have a neighbour someone in next street who plays v loud music in the garden and sings along (badly) who is either oblivious or doesn’t care. He lives next door to the family who let their kids scream and throw every toy they own into the surrounding gardens and even managed to soak us in our garden which their shitty water pistol. I would tell my daughter to play nicely and if she looked like she might be disturbing anyone was spoken too or mad either to come indoors. No one seems to have consideration for others any more

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/06/2018 21:01

Bluntness100 I am so thankful I don't live in your neighbourhood and all our neighbours are considerate and no one would dream to make a racket at night, or at anti-social hours in general.

If you are all happy, fair enough, but if you disturb even one family, it's not reasonable and it's not even legal.

Grilledaubergines · 18/06/2018 21:02

Finishing at 11? Adult party? Pah! Parties don’t start until 9ish, so that’s a 2 hour party. Unless they’re happening in the same house every weekend, I think 11 is unreasonable.

Ontheboardwalk · 18/06/2018 21:10

I host a Eurovision party (for all 6 of us) once a year (go and judge me) but at least my neighbours know when it is and it’s once a year and indoors.

Next door have a very loud Sunday night party every random 3/4 weeks. It annoys me but I accept it. Would be nice if the told me, even on the day, as they are heading out to the pub, when this random event would be happening so I could sleep elsewhere. They should have at least knocked and let you know

Whereismumhiding2 · 18/06/2018 21:13

I agree with @U2hasTheEdge's nice comments to @Voldermorticia - Enjoy your DC's graduation party! Yiu are not abahit parent, but a nice one and it's not skanky to have it at home at all!!! You sound v excited Grin.. I'm sure you'd do your best to keep excessive noise down after midnight anyway without being berated on here!

I also agree with @Bluntness100 that parties into wee small hours when all your neighbours are there and joining in, sounds lovely!Flowers... If I didn't already like my NDN & area, I'd want to move to your jolly cul de sac.. Wink It doesn't sound like either of you are disturbing others and both are sensitive to not being unkind to their NDN.

I also agree & sympathise with PP who are fed up with unreasonable neighbours. Student parties are the worst!!

I'm not sure I agree with generalised 'skanky , selfish' comments but understand some PP's frustration by constant late night loud music & disturbances from their inconsiderate neighbours.

Everyone has a point! Can we all stop name calling now?
(Or AIBU to soothe an AIBU bunfight where PP are talking crossed purposes /totes different scenarios?! GrinGrin )

BoneyBackJefferson · 18/06/2018 21:35

I also agree with @Bluntness100 that parties into wee small hours when all your neighbours are there and joining in, sounds lovely

Isn't this the difference between a nuisance neighbour and a good one?

Bluntness100 · 18/06/2018 22:10

Ikeep, I think we are all relieved you're not living on our road. I'm just imagining you marching up to my neighbour at her seventieth birthday party with all her friends and family dancing away, demanding its 11 o clock and to take it indoors as it's illegal and unreasonable.

Yeah, I think we are all happy you don't live here. I'm glad you found someplace to live surrounded by people just like you.

I suggest you stay there.

auditqueen · 18/06/2018 22:25

Wow. I can't understand why there is so much overreaction and drama on this thread.

The party that the OP mentioned was in the next street, so for her to hear it inside her house with windows closed, it must have been fucking loud.

So yeah, that's skanky.

A few people in a garden with music and moderate noise til 11 and then go inside and turn the music down.

Not skanky.

If people don't understand the difference then they must be a bit thick.

Bluntness100 · 18/06/2018 22:38

If people don't understand the difference then they must be a bit thick

So could you not be arsed reading the thread, felt you'd up the intelligence level of rhe debate and just decide anyone who didn't agree with you is "thick"

What is that by the way,,what is "thick"?. I don't know if people on here have special educational needs. Or If they have kids that do. But I certainly would rather be the person who lets their neighbours celebrate now and again and doesn't make offensive comments about people who may have additional needs or their kids.

But you go girl. You're covering yourself in glory.

Any other sections of society you'd like to insult?

auditqueen · 18/06/2018 22:40

Yes I read the thread.

No I didn't make any comment about anyone with SN.

If you're going to make bitchy comments about me, at least get it correct.

And as a 45 year old woman I'm certainly no girl anymore.

gingerbread88 · 18/06/2018 22:45

If it was a one off, I'd find it mildly irritating to be kept awake until 3am but live and let live and I'd just think it's summer, they've had some drinks and they're using their garden. If it was weekly or monthly then yeah that would be a big annoyance.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/06/2018 22:52

I'm just imagining you marching up to my neighbour at her seventieth birthday party with all her friends and family dancing away, demanding its 11 o clock and to take it indoors as it's illegal and unreasonable.

so his birthday would trump the need of quiet for my elderly neighbour currently resting between 2 sessions of chemio?
His birthday would trump the need for someone to sleep before getting up at 4:30am to go to work?
His birthday would trump the need for a teen to sleep before a big exam on Monday?
his birthday would trump the need for someone to sleep before surgery schedule at 9:45 am that Sunday?
His birthday would trump the wish of a quiet and private evening remembering a loved one?

All real-life examples by the way, and current ones.

I'd have absolutely no issue "Marching up" to some antisocial people asking them to stop and to call the police, who unfortunately doesn't seem to be able to do anything. I might not be that polite if I am trying to slee. I would be ashamed to be the one too selfish to respect my own neighbours.

I have never heard of people hosting a big birthday celebration in their own home unless they had an estate - or an isolated farm, it's not about money. Normal people rent the appropriate setting for the party. There are very good reasons for limiting noise after 11pm, legally, shame some people are too rude and uneducated to respect them.

Bluntness100 · 18/06/2018 22:55

No I didn't make any comment about anyone with SN

Then can you explain your comment about people being a bit thick?

Ikeep, I can see why people in your neighbour hood don't celebrate and make noise. That sounds all very sad indeed, and all in one street too.. Fortunately none of us are in that position. So yes her 70th was fine and we were all happy for her. We even went for a drink.

gillybeanz · 18/06/2018 22:56

Why are you in bed so early on a Saturday night?
Do young people really snuggle down at 11.00 pm. My ils well into their 70's are up later than this most nights.

Bluntness100 · 18/06/2018 22:58

I have never heard of people hosting a big birthday celebration in their own home unless they had an estate - or an isolated farm, it's not about money. Normal people rent the appropriate setting for the party

Seriously? You cannot be that sheltered that you don't know people have parties at home, and "normal people"???

.

auditqueen · 18/06/2018 23:01

Then can you explain your comment about people being a bit thick?

I can. But why should I bother just to appease some random on the internet who seems to get their kicks from bullying people on threads?

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/06/2018 23:01

Why are you in bed so early on a Saturday night?
what a completely ridiculous question, because they want to?

Some people work, are tired, are sick, have to be up early, go out on Fridays. Some of us have a life interesting enough that they don't feel they must be staying up late every Saturday to prove some kind of point.

ShesABelter · 18/06/2018 23:01

Genuinely wouldnt bother me if it was a rare party for a special occassion. This is what ear plugs are for. Live and let live.

MiniMum97 · 18/06/2018 23:04

Our neighbour's had a 40th this weekend that was going on until 3am. It sounded fun and I was pleased for them. It's not every weekend - in fact it was the first time since they moved in. I am glad they are enjoying their home and having a good time. I am particularly glad for them because I am not able to do that sort at present due to chronic ill health so am pleased someone is able to! It was in the garden so I also got to take a peak at the fun :-)
YABVVVVVVVVU

Bluntness100 · 18/06/2018 23:04

I can. But why should I bother just to appease some random on the internet who seems to get their kicks from bullying people on threads?

So translated meaning "eh no, but I didn't think it through and didn't mean it like that but don't want to admit it".

🤣

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/06/2018 23:04

Seriously? You cannot be that sheltered that you don't know people have parties at home, and "normal people"???

a proper party tend to include more than 5 or 6 people, and indeed last later than 10pm, so no I don't have that many friends with a secluded house big enough to accommodate a full party. There are a few, who could even host a wedding, but many people don't have that much land and house available in the middle of nowhere.
You have a funny notion of what being sheltered means.