Would you knowingly be the other woman?

[wouldyoubeherifyouknew]

Name changed.

I've been reading a lot of threads about affairs and thinking of my own situation and wondering this:

If you knew someone was married with young children and the family had recently been bereaved after a very traumatic year, would you KNOWINGLY get romantically involved with that person?

I wouldn't want to take turns on someone's penis
As long as the condom is a virgin...

No. Aside from being cheated on myself and not wanting to inflict that pain on someone else, I want a relationship with someone who is all in, not a part time boyfriend who i can only see when it suits him and can’t be with me in public.

I have known women who were the OW and they are usually very insecure with self esteem who only get their validation from men. They seem to see going after married/partnered up men as some sort of achievement like they’ve been ‘chosen’ over the wife. Not really chosen though as he won’t leave for you..

I don't think it's completely straightforward - I'm happily married but in my late teens, early twenties I had low self esteem and can imagine that I might have fallen for a line of bullshit.

The adult I am now? Not in any situation, God no.

I have, but his wife knew. It was her idea.

Never. This exact situation happened to me and I still can't imagine what she must have told herself to make it OK in her head. Saying that, I don't blame her for my relationship ending, I blame him.

I was for one day. Met DH at the end of his last relationship which admittedly wasn't making him happy. The day after we had our first kiss her broke it off with her and we're now happily married. I don't like how we started and had there been no inclination onbhisbside to end his relationship I definitely wouldn't have persisted.

Yes. I was. He was unhappy. He left her within weeks. He had grown up children. 5 years together and we are getting married. Couldn't be happier.
My ex h had an affair. Kicked him out. We'll rid of him

Early 20's I did but believed the bullshit about the marriage being over.

My ex told an amazing amount of lies and I honestly thought he'd left his wife and had been separated for at least 6 months. I even asked for a print out of his Army record stating he was separated. It was all bullshit, he'd got back with her before he met me. I didn't find this out until 1 child later, house bought and when he had an affair while with me and left me for her. It did explain why his ex was so vile towards me. I never understood that because he told me she threw him out months before he met me. All lies.

I will probably never trust anyone again let alone knowingly be the OW.

I knew someone who was the OW. (worked with her)

She had really low self esteem and she fell for the “my wife doesn’t understand me line”
Stupid and self indulgent. She was quite delusional about the wife from what I remember.

She and the wife both ended up hurt.

I would potentially consider being involved with a married man under 2 circumstances, but not in the one you are describing. (Disclaimer: I have never actually been the OW)

Firstly if the couple in question had a genuinely open marriage and the wife was aware and happy that her OH was sleeping with another woman. I’d want the wife to confirm this though!

Secondly if someone is still technically married but has genuinely split from their wife - I am thinking primarily of situations where they have been separated for a couple of years but the wife won’t consent to a divorce.

I'll admit I've done it.

At the time, you don't care. I was single and stupidly saw it as "I'm single so I can do as I please, it's his problem!"

It wasn't until it came out and the destruction around it that I realised how wrong I was.

I was a very naive 17 year old and he was quite a bit older.

Valuable life lesson I learnt so much from.

No, absurdly not. Not a nice man, cheating on his wife, very unattractive.

No, and I've dumped friends who have done it.

I wouldn’t touch a married man with a shitty stick, ever

No never. I've experienced it in my family (not with my dh) and it was terrible. I don't believe that you have only one single soul mate on the planet so I'd just find someone else who is single and available and not cause anyone any heartache.

Same as MrsSnooty though no one ever knew about it and he left his wife soon after (not for me, we were never in a relationship, a one off).

I think a lot of women do fall for the bullshit that comes out of men’s mouths, the ‘oh, we have slept in separate beds for years’ and the ‘I stay for the kids’.

No. I've never cheated. I never will. There is a 0% chance that I will ever be an OW.

No. I think if someone is in a bad marriage that should be ended before they start looking around. It's about their respect for themselves and an ability to live with themselves as much as my own self-respect.

No - never - doesn't say much about the husband, and if they take commitment that lightly, it doesn't bode well for the future.

M daughter's husband cheated on her with her best friend. She was devastated when she found out, and I don't think there's ever a reason to be the other woman if you know he's married. Daughter's H was loaded and friend was skint, she'd never had life so good.

Fuck no. I'm nobody's bed post notch. I'm so much better than that.

When I was in my early twenties, before I met my lovely husband, I was unknowingly the other woman, when I found out I left him with a knee to the bollocks and the threat of telling his wife. It's an awful feeling to be the other woman, so goodness knows how his wife would feel when she finds out, I say when because I'd put money on the fact that in thirty years since it happenened to me, he'd have done it again because he was indeed a man who wanted his cake and to eat it too.

Well no. I have this thing called self respect that makes it rather quite impossible to debase myself that way.

Would you -it obviously hurts all,these years later. Hope,you are okay.

By the way, the answer is No.

No. DH was (unhappily) living with someone when we met at work. We were both drawn to each other but wouldn't have done anything about it (including meeting up for a drink etc) until he split with his partner. That shows respect for everyone.