Walked out of DH'S work dinner

[rosesandflowers1]

I went to DH's work party. Was absolutely dreading it anyway but this just tops the cake. It's all on my other thread but the summary is that DH's work friends are mostly arses, and their wives don't like me. I wasn't happy to go but did on the conditions that DH would sit next to me, encourage a whole table discussion and I'd drive up alone so could leave when I wanted.

The most confrontational woman (let's call her Vera or something) and her DH were a bit late so it gave me some time to start making some small talk with some more indifferent wives/mums. We were chatting quite well before she arrived; once she did, the conversation shifted more to her, as it usually does, but she was more interested in compliments on each other's dresses etc. at the beginning. I said I liked the way she'd done her hair, she smiled at that, I thought it wouldn't be so bad, and as it went on for half an hour or so I could see DH was making an effort.

Anyway, the food got passed out and one of the women went to get something and her DH told her to get something else as that was too fatty. She looked vv embarrassed (as I would have been) but went for another option. I was but didn't say anything.

One of the women said "oh, I'm not having any either, I'm on a diet" and that divulged a new line of discussion. One man joked he was going to put his wife on a diet, at which point Vera asked, sugar-sweet, "so are you [DH] going to put [rosesandflowers] on a diet?" I daresay us getting along was too good to be true!

DH I'm sure was a bit shocked but just replied "implying what?" which made her squirm a little. At which point another woman followed up with "oh, he couldn't make her do anything." Not quite sure if she was shit stirring or just making a very valid comment that it would not be my DH's decision to put me on a diet But she's not super important to this really.

DH just smiled and said, "well, of course not" and tried to divert the conversation, but one of his friends who'd already had a bit too much to drink barely a quarter through the evening was determined to follow this up and asked me, "does he not tell you what to do then?"

I said, "no, not really" very blandly and then tried to move on, but he then remarked that that was surprising because of our bedroom activity and followed up with some very graphic details! Essentially DH is very into D/s and I'm happy to let him take on a more dominant role. I'm not happy for him to discuss this in detail - at his workplace! - with the sort of guy who'd blurt this out over dinner! Especially as he knows my views on them and that they're generally very disrespectful to me.

At the point at which the obviously drunk man clearly had no intention of stopping, I excused myself and walked out to go home. DH followed and I told him to stay at the brunch. Was fuming with him at the time and it is pretty important so.

He's still there and likely won't be home for quite some time. Am absolutely mortified and fuming, but honestly I'm feeling quite betrayed as well. I can't believe he'd divulge details like that I'm not sure if I'm BU to be so pissed off and it's possible that it's just embarrassment that I'm taking out on him, but I feel like he's being absolutely irresponsible sharing details of our private life like this. Now I'm home I'm thinking leaving was over dramatic.

So I know what I'm going to say to DH when I come home; WIBU?

I was on your thread about your DD and his subsequent manipulative behaviour towards you, somehow this thread doesn't surprise me too much, sorry.

Sadly I knew it would be you after the first thread too

Are you American?

My God, he sounds worse and worse. Why do you put up with him OP ?
he is abusing you and you just take it. Unbelievable! Please find your self respect and kick him out. You are worthy of so much more

And in fact I'd take it further- he clearly enjoys humiliating you in public. I don't know whether he does this with your permission as part of your D/S relationship

I'd say so. It appears to me that @rosesandflowers1 enjoys being the Sub in and out of the bedroom

No harm in that - although not sure why she's moaning about the treatment she receives from DP when she allows it to continue every day

I’m concerned that he is this kind of man, who went to one of those schools, who likes to dominate you in bed.

Tell him that you want him to be the sub, fuck him up the arse with a dildo and then tell all his friends. If he won’t let you do that then why should you stand for it.

You say you don’t want to lose all the things you love about him - do you really mean money, house and lifestyle?

If some fucker suggested my dp put me on a diet he would be choking on my fist. There is no love in any of these relationships. Honestly op your H is as bad as the rest of them
where would he sleep? dont know dont care honestly

The thing about S/D relationships is that even though one partner will be dominant, they will still respect the boundaries of their partner and not exceed those if the other person doesn’t consent.

When it comes down to it - despite your different roles - you should both be equals both in and out the bedroom, and in your marriage. Your happiness and satisfaction are both equally important.

It sounds like your DH doesn’t respect you, or see you as an equal partner in the marriage.

If he values your privacy so low, D.I.V.O.R.C.E. It's not OK to basically brag about you around the office, like you are some kind of sex trophy and not his equal partner in life with a right to privacy and dignity.

I remember your last thread, and the one about his awful behaviour in relation to your DD’s epilepsy.

I’m beginning to wonder if this is part of your sub/dom dynamic. You post unpleasant details about your DH’s treatment of you and then seem to take masochistic pleasure from posters’ shock, happily repeating that you have no intention of ending the relationship. I’m not sure what else you can be getting out of these threads.

Surely if your dh had any decency and respect for you he would of left and not stayed?

OP what do YOU want your husband to do now? Where do you see your relationship going?

Ignoring all the usual MN baying for you to LTB and cries of abuse where he is clearly simply an arsehole, what do you actually want? I can't tell if you are treating this as some sort of extension of the bedroom and are in that fizzy excited headspace, or if you are truly angry.

This is nonsense that you are asking if you behaved over dramatically - why do you feel that you need to behave in some sort of measured and appropriate way rather than ask yourself 'how do I feel'? It is simple to make sure this never happens again. Just don't go. But is that what you want? Is that enough? Are you content to use this to arrange the situation so that you are excused from ever attending again? Where DH admits he should have listened to you blah blah? A sort of power game?

Where are YOU in all of these games?

@Sparklesocks is right re: D/S relationships. There is still an equal balance of respect and respecting of boundaries for each party.

He doesn’t respect you OP. This is abuse.

OP he sounds like he has public school boy type with his colleagues and looks down on you. Check next time when he takes his shirt off-he will have a yellow line running down his back. Any decent bloke would insisted on leaving the 'brunch' with you. He'll never put you first as he's selfish thinking of his reputation only and you are way down low on his list of priorities. He'll never be loyal to you, he hasn't got yr back. Your choice if you want to be a doormat for him to wipe his feet on.

It sounds like your DH doesn’t respect you, or see you as an equal partner in the marriage

^^this.

Why do you keep posting about him and then telling us how you love him really and you won't be leaving the marriage? What's the point?

Shame for the poor child involved, that whilst you've every right to choose to not protect yourself, are also choosing not to defend her.

I don't want to be harsh but Christ almighty, take a bloody long hard look at yourself because you are failing her and putting her at risk and it will be affecting her. She is being exposed to whatever weird and domineering/controlling shit your DH has going on.

You need to wake up and smell the coffee. Really. And I say that with love, but you do, you really really do.

Meant to put ' public school type HUMOUR

Exactly what Sparkle said. You can be 100% submissive in bed and still equal partners or even you more dominant out of bed
What happens in the bedroom has nothing to do with what happens every day in your relationship

What a tosser. I'd be livid at such personal details being shared around at work!

This cannot be real.

No one would put up with this shit, would they?

I've read all the threads and added together it shows how awful he is.

I agree with the poster who said each one you've just accepted an apology and moved on as long as he doesn't do it again. Where do you draw the line? What's next?

He has no respect for you as a person, his wife, as a mum.

You really need to wake up and see what's happening. Some very wise posters are spelling it out for you.

This is horrible op I'm sorry I would be angry too

I've no idea why you keep sharing this nonsense with us, OP. You seem to find it all a little bit charming and amusing. It isn't.

This can’t be real. No one can be this big of a martyr, could they? I mean, I’m in the process of leaving a bad relationship myself but this is just nuts.

And in fact I'd take it further- he clearly enjoys humiliating you in public. I don't know whether he does this with your permission as part of your D/S relationship

I would be mortified to have my bedroom activity made public by some office arse hole. So they all know what you and DH get up to.. They've more than likely discussed it amongst themselves... Gone home.. told their dw,s about it.. How awful. They sound like a load of schoolboys sniggering behind the bike sheds about a first shag