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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Walked out of DH'S work dinner

521 replies

rosesandflowers1 · 16/06/2018 20:47

I went to DH's work party. Was absolutely dreading it anyway but this just tops the cake. It's all on my other thread but the summary is that DH's work friends are mostly arses, and their wives don't like me. I wasn't happy to go but did on the conditions that DH would sit next to me, encourage a whole table discussion and I'd drive up alone so could leave when I wanted.

The most confrontational woman (let's call her Vera or something) and her DH were a bit late so it gave me some time to start making some small talk with some more indifferent wives/mums. We were chatting quite well before she arrived; once she did, the conversation shifted more to her, as it usually does, but she was more interested in compliments on each other's dresses etc. at the beginning. I said I liked the way she'd done her hair, she smiled at that, I thought it wouldn't be so bad, and as it went on for half an hour or so I could see DH was making an effort.

Anyway, the food got passed out and one of the women went to get something and her DH told her to get something else as that was too fatty. She looked vv embarrassed (as I would have been) but went for another option. I was Shock but didn't say anything.

One of the women said "oh, I'm not having any either, I'm on a diet" and that divulged a new line of discussion. One man joked he was going to put his wife on a diet, at which point Vera asked, sugar-sweet, "so are you [DH] going to put [rosesandflowers] on a diet?" Biscuit I daresay us getting along was too good to be true!

DH I'm sure was a bit shocked but just replied "implying what?" which made her squirm a little. At which point another woman followed up with "oh, he couldn't make her do anything." Not quite sure if she was shit stirring or just making a very valid comment that it would not be my DH's decision to put me on a diet Hmm But she's not super important to this really.

DH just smiled and said, "well, of course not" and tried to divert the conversation, but one of his friends who'd already had a bit too much to drink barely a quarter through the evening was determined to follow this up and asked me, "does he not tell you what to do then?"

I said, "no, not really" very blandly and then tried to move on, but he then remarked that that was surprising because of our bedroom activity and followed up with some very graphic details! Essentially DH is very into D/s and I'm happy to let him take on a more dominant role. I'm not happy for him to discuss this in detail - at his workplace! - with the sort of guy who'd blurt this out over dinner! Especially as he knows my views on them and that they're generally very disrespectful to me.

At the point at which the obviously drunk man clearly had no intention of stopping, I excused myself and walked out to go home. DH followed and I told him to stay at the brunch. Was fuming with him at the time and it is pretty important so.

He's still there and likely won't be home for quite some time. Am absolutely mortified and fuming, but honestly I'm feeling quite betrayed as well. I can't believe he'd divulge details like that Sad I'm not sure if I'm BU to be so pissed off and it's possible that it's just embarrassment that I'm taking out on him, but I feel like he's being absolutely irresponsible sharing details of our private life like this. Now I'm home I'm thinking leaving was over dramatic.

So I know what I'm going to say to DH when I come home; WIBU?

OP posts:
AttilaTheMusical · 16/06/2018 21:06

Shock As soon as I saw the thread title I guessed it would be you.

OMG.

Extravagant · 16/06/2018 21:07

I agree with this.

CraftyYankee · 16/06/2018 21:07

Totally awful and inappropriate. Did your DH even apologize when he followed you out?

NoelHeadbands · 16/06/2018 21:07

Ugh. He needs to grow a backbone.

YouTheCat · 16/06/2018 21:07

He likes the current company because he fits in because he is just like them. If he has any shred of love or respect for you then he should find a new job.

Extravagant · 16/06/2018 21:08

Previous posters and especially TheBlueBig I mean.

keyboardkate · 16/06/2018 21:08

Whatever happened and whoever erred, you OP were not comfortable. Your OH didn't help you settle in and feel comfortable either, from what I am reading.

Anyway I would never accompany OH to these things. I have absolutely nothing in common with them at all, so I let them at it.

Same goes for OH with my gigs. All are happy.

Extravagant · 16/06/2018 21:08

*Dog

Rudgie47 · 16/06/2018 21:08

Your husband sounds very immature and the work colleagues very unpleasant.What adult would go around discussing what they have done in bed? Sounds like hes about 13 or something.

YouTheCat · 16/06/2018 21:08

And no, I doubt your dh will have shut the colleague up. He will have laughed along at you being hormonal or female or some such misogynistic shite.

sashh · 16/06/2018 21:10

Good grief, suprised you didn't slap the drunk and your dh.

AttilaTheMusical · 16/06/2018 21:10

You were remarkably restrained, I'd have thrown my drink in the arsehole colleague's face.

diddl · 16/06/2018 21:11

"I doubt I'll end up going next year."

You're thinking you might still be with him?

ohfourfoxache · 16/06/2018 21:12

Why the fuck would you want to stay with this slimey, misogynistic wank stain excuse for a husband?

I would genuinely chuck him out over this.

Gemini69 · 16/06/2018 21:12

your husband is a Dick .... sorry Flowers

fascinated · 16/06/2018 21:12

This is awful. I lurked on your first thread but wasn’t logged in. Are you for real? Seriously? I can’t believe anyone could do this to their wife. What an utter utter bastard.

Do you put up with this shit? Why?

Quartz2208 · 16/06/2018 21:13

I remember your user name from another thread (not linked here) and I agree entirely with Hollowtalk

AlbusPercivalWulfricBrian · 16/06/2018 21:13

Haven't read your previous post, but your reaction was more than reasonable.
I'd consider leaving my husband for this, he clearly has a totally different side to him which he keeps hidden from you if he speaks to his work colleagues about you in that manner!

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 16/06/2018 21:14

Can't imagine having sex with him again will be easy op.
Topic of break time banter again.....

rosesandflowers1 · 16/06/2018 21:14

As soon as I saw the thread title I guessed it would be you.

Oh dear, it hasn't got to this extent, has it? Grin

You're thinking you might still be with him?

Yes. Tempting as it sounds, I'm not considering a divorce Grin

OP posts:
Queenoftheblitz · 16/06/2018 21:14

These people are like something out of a Jilly Cooper novel.
The only defense of your dh is that he shared your sex life when he was drunk.
But even that doesn't sit well. It's all a bit Abigail's Party.

Fruitcorner123 · 16/06/2018 21:16

I read you other thread and your husband is a dick. Loads of people told you that on the last thread. This just proves it. He has no respect for you otherwise he wouldn't feel it ok to share details of your sex life with people he knows you don't like. He did it to impress them and he stayed to impress them and he forced you to go to impress them.

You are not unreasonable but if it was me I would not just have left the dinner/brunch, I would have left the marriage.

Succulentest · 16/06/2018 21:16

What school produces identikit overtly misoygnistic wankers?Hmm

Solopower1 · 16/06/2018 21:16

Wow. What a weird, unpleasant work culture. Far too intrusive, over-sharing, rude, immature, bullying ...

Get out, get your husband out, and stay out. If you possibly can. They will do your head in. Not good for your marriage either.

If you can't get him out of there, definitely don't go to any more brunches.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 16/06/2018 21:16

I think you should take as much time as you want to think about what sort of marriage you want to have. Your DH is probably going to want to discuss it (aka tell you how you should feel) when he gets in, but you should absolutely refuse to either have a conversation or set a time in the future to have a conversation while he's drunk.

Tell him you're thinking through your options, and anyway you know that the co-worker arseholes will be asking your DH about it and frankly you don't want to talk about anything personal until you are confident of privacy.