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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Walked out of DH'S work dinner

521 replies

rosesandflowers1 · 16/06/2018 20:47

I went to DH's work party. Was absolutely dreading it anyway but this just tops the cake. It's all on my other thread but the summary is that DH's work friends are mostly arses, and their wives don't like me. I wasn't happy to go but did on the conditions that DH would sit next to me, encourage a whole table discussion and I'd drive up alone so could leave when I wanted.

The most confrontational woman (let's call her Vera or something) and her DH were a bit late so it gave me some time to start making some small talk with some more indifferent wives/mums. We were chatting quite well before she arrived; once she did, the conversation shifted more to her, as it usually does, but she was more interested in compliments on each other's dresses etc. at the beginning. I said I liked the way she'd done her hair, she smiled at that, I thought it wouldn't be so bad, and as it went on for half an hour or so I could see DH was making an effort.

Anyway, the food got passed out and one of the women went to get something and her DH told her to get something else as that was too fatty. She looked vv embarrassed (as I would have been) but went for another option. I was Shock but didn't say anything.

One of the women said "oh, I'm not having any either, I'm on a diet" and that divulged a new line of discussion. One man joked he was going to put his wife on a diet, at which point Vera asked, sugar-sweet, "so are you [DH] going to put [rosesandflowers] on a diet?" Biscuit I daresay us getting along was too good to be true!

DH I'm sure was a bit shocked but just replied "implying what?" which made her squirm a little. At which point another woman followed up with "oh, he couldn't make her do anything." Not quite sure if she was shit stirring or just making a very valid comment that it would not be my DH's decision to put me on a diet Hmm But she's not super important to this really.

DH just smiled and said, "well, of course not" and tried to divert the conversation, but one of his friends who'd already had a bit too much to drink barely a quarter through the evening was determined to follow this up and asked me, "does he not tell you what to do then?"

I said, "no, not really" very blandly and then tried to move on, but he then remarked that that was surprising because of our bedroom activity and followed up with some very graphic details! Essentially DH is very into D/s and I'm happy to let him take on a more dominant role. I'm not happy for him to discuss this in detail - at his workplace! - with the sort of guy who'd blurt this out over dinner! Especially as he knows my views on them and that they're generally very disrespectful to me.

At the point at which the obviously drunk man clearly had no intention of stopping, I excused myself and walked out to go home. DH followed and I told him to stay at the brunch. Was fuming with him at the time and it is pretty important so.

He's still there and likely won't be home for quite some time. Am absolutely mortified and fuming, but honestly I'm feeling quite betrayed as well. I can't believe he'd divulge details like that Sad I'm not sure if I'm BU to be so pissed off and it's possible that it's just embarrassment that I'm taking out on him, but I feel like he's being absolutely irresponsible sharing details of our private life like this. Now I'm home I'm thinking leaving was over dramatic.

So I know what I'm going to say to DH when I come home; WIBU?

OP posts:
Blondebombsite83 · 17/06/2018 22:28

Assuming this is real...
OPs "DH" is a huge c@£t and behaves like one all the time. OP gets a kick out of pretending to be cross with him. And when someone said the dynamic was "icky" I heard a nail being hit right on the head. It is so fucking icky. I feel so sorry for your children.

TempleOfBlooms · 17/06/2018 22:31

@yorkshireyummymummy To be fair there are quite a lot of places in London the serve “bottomless brunches” into the afternoon and evening. I’ve been to a few. In Dubai night brunches are a big thing www.timeoutdubai.com/restaurants/brunch/evening. The rest is batshit though.

SimonBridges · 17/06/2018 22:34

But I assume they are a thing in Dubai because it is not an English speaking country and don’t understand that brunch is a portmanteau of breakfast and lunch.

OnionBridie · 17/06/2018 22:40

But I assume they are a thing in Dubai because it is not an English speaking country and don’t understand that brunch is a portmanteau of breakfast and lunch

I doubt that very much. 😂

OnionBridie · 17/06/2018 22:45

In Dubai night brunches are a big thing

The article you linked to is one I read and it’s obvious from the menus that night brunches really are just the old buffet style themed nights dressed up with a different name.

It’s bonkers.

TisNowt · 17/06/2018 22:47

To be fair there are quite a lot of places in London the serve “bottomless brunches” into the afternoon and evening

That sounds like a challenge. Can anyone find a London restaurant that serves brunches into the evening. We aren’t talking about ‘all day breakfast’ greasy spoon joints presumably?

TisNowt · 17/06/2018 22:50

I guess this place sort of meets the bill. 24 hour breakfasts. 🤔

yorkshireyummymummy · 17/06/2018 22:56

tisNowt
Can’t be there.....they serve poached eggs, sausage AND beans. Far too low rent. And an all day breakfast is very very different from an 8pm brunch........

Buxbaum · 17/06/2018 23:08

Duck and Waffle? It’s 24 hour. They stop their brunch menu at 3.30 at the weekends but the all-day dining is vaguely brunchy.

TempleOfBlooms · 17/06/2018 23:10

www.abouttimemagazine.co.uk/food/top-5-best-all-day-brunches-in-london/ several here that serve brunch until they close at night.

Finnyhaddock · 17/06/2018 23:14

I think your husband is an overgrown school boy. But he is your overgrown schoolboy and you obviously love him... whatever that means!
I think you are both from relatively posh/old fashioned/upper class backgrounds where people do talk about sex etc in a competitive way. Not much different from working class being competitive over labels.
I wouldn’t worry too much about all the LTB threads ...you seem pretty sorted from what I have read although I doubt you will be able to change your OHs alpha tendencies. I have a beta at home and that’s not all joy either.

LongNLean · 17/06/2018 23:15

Live in isn’t the same as being UK though
.
I know alot of posters don't believe any of this but I can't see the relevance of this? 👆

All this picking apart is annoying just report and leave the thread if you'd be so kind.

Somethingsfallendown · 17/06/2018 23:22

Looks like the OP is going to sort out in counselling apparently so theres not much use in anyone posting any more advice is there really?

AynRandTheObjectivist · 18/06/2018 07:23

I have a beta at home and that’s not all joy either.

What a lovely way to talk about humans.

rosesandflowers1 · 18/06/2018 08:10

But I assume they are a thing in Dubai because it is not an English speaking country and don’t understand that brunch is a portmanteau of breakfast and lunch.

I'm sorry, I started howling at this. Good God!

To clarify when I say DH has control issues, I mean he has problems with feeling he's "out of control" in situations. Not that he monitors what I'm doing. Besides I spend a lot of my time on my laptop anyway for work.

I think you are both from relatively posh/old fashioned/upper class backgrounds where people do talk about sex etc in a competitive way. Not much different from working class being competitive over labels.

Is this really a class thing?

Oh. I suppose by the time I was in my twenties (where most posters said they stopped discussing sex lives) I was more involved with "upper class" people than I used to be.

Good to know somebody thinks I did the right thing.

Looks like the OP is going to sort out in counselling apparently
Yes, still thinking about the counselling. I'm still not sure if professional help will be more trouble than its worth at this stage. DH will dig his heels in and I don't want to worry the DC, especially DD.

In the mean time everyone is welcome to keep looking for places to have evening brunch Grin Who knows, you might find a nice place to have an evening out!

OP posts:
Tangled59 · 18/06/2018 08:23

Are you feeling better now? Did you talk more with DP?

rosesandflowers1 · 18/06/2018 08:42

Are you feeling better now?

Still a little mortified but happier.

Did you talk more with DP?

Yeah, we just had a bit of a poke around other companies websites etc. Obviously just a start but DH seems to like the look of a couple.

He apologised again last night as we were going to sleep and I think we ended in a more loving place than we have been recently.

Heaven knows how he's getting on at work today.

OP posts:
Bekabeech · 18/06/2018 09:04

Okay OP - I read the pj thread.

I personally think your OH is a dick and you'd be better off without.

But I have posh friends - most of whom don't act anything like this.
However I went to an interesting dinner party once. All the men there apart from my DH had gone to Prep school together - and I have to say their interactions reverted to the Prep school pecking order. It was clearest with one man, who was lovely but had obviously been the 'duffer" at Prep school - I'm not sure what senior school he went to but it wasn't Eton (or Winchester) like the others. Now this guy has a very successful City job, and not one you can do if "brainless" but he definitely reverted to the role of the "less bright friend" at that dinner table.
I wonder if your OH reverts to a school role when he is with these colleagues?

He needs to get himself sorted.
And in my case if I could get over the betrayal - then it would be a case of change job or get out.

But you won't countenance that - why?

rosesandflowers1 · 18/06/2018 09:12

All the men there apart from my DH had gone to Prep school together - and I have to say their interactions reverted to the Prep school pecking order.

That's interesting.
Maybe it does bring out a more schoolboy side of DH which I'd really rather stayed in.

in my case if I could get over the betrayal - then it would be a case of change job or get out.

We have looked at new jobs. Honestly I think a change in workplace will be very very good for him and I think I've put that across.

He seems to be taking it seriously.

As to why I'm not really considering the "get out" option - I guess it just comes down to the fact that I really honestly truly love him. Not to mention the children.

I do believe marriage is sacred too. I'd be hesitant to leave it except in the case of something awful and irreparable.

Also Grin at "the PJ thread". I daresay this is now the brunch thread!

OP posts:
NeelyOHara · 18/06/2018 11:22

I’m more disbelieving of the idea of an middle/upper class woman with 4 children who ‘loves’ to wear cheap and trashy clothing from Lipsy of London to be honest.

rosesandflowers1 · 18/06/2018 11:46

cheap and trashy clothing from Lipsy of London to be honest

It's fairly cheap in comparison to some places, but I think it's gorgeous!

I've got an absolutely beautiful dress from there that I wore the other night. And I just got this lovely maxi dress which will be great for summer dos.

I've never got the stigma around Lipsy, every time I go in there I find something absolutely lovely.

OP posts:
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