Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
SeriousSimon · 16/06/2018 17:07

I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this

Your attitude towards learning anything new can very often become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Regardless of support, with this ^ attitude, you're right in that you never will.

Your friends are bu but so are you to give up so quickly.

Shoppingwithmother · 16/06/2018 17:10

Well your friends sound like a bunch of arseholes and it serves them right about the driving.

However, I would love a few days on my own to do whatever I liked, so if you still feel like going, don’t be put off - just relax and enjoy doing something you’d like to do by yourself

Moominfan · 16/06/2018 17:10

Op i hope you one day discover the joy of cycling under your own steam and over coming something you thought not possible. Also hope you pick up some new mates along the way your current lot sound horribly self serving

melodybirds · 16/06/2018 17:10

Ynbu.

Your friends don't seem sorry for changing the plans without discussion. I would be proud you took one lesson tbh if I was your friends and gave it a go. I definitely think you have the right to be upset not them.

Go away with the family and leave them to it.

Slanetylor · 16/06/2018 17:10

Whaaat!! I think in this case “ no” is a complete sentence. I can cycle but there’s NO WAY I’d go on a cycle holiday. You don’t need to learn to cycle. It’s not the deal. Are these people your friends? Just say I’d prefer not to go on a cycling trip. Can we leave it at walking relaxing as planned and next year ye can go cycling without me if ye want. Of suggest a driving holiday where ye all take turns driving, they’ve a year to learn.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 16/06/2018 17:11

I'm wondering if it would be helpful to practice pedalling on an exercise bike, then move onto a bike. Then you just need to concentrate on balance as your feet will know how to pedal.

From experience I'd say nope. I cycle for miles/hours on my exercise bike but I really struggle on an actual bike because I can't balance and pedal at the same time if that makes sense.

SometimesMaybe · 16/06/2018 17:11

This is really tough. I would explain to the group the riding a bike to you is like the non-drivers driving. It’s not something that you feel you will be able to address to be at 1, a compete standard and 2, able to actually ENJOY by the time of the holiday.
Given that the cycling was thrown in late in the planning, how would they feel about only cycling on one day (where you can do your own thing). Explain that you are really quite upset about the whole thing and hope they can see a way to ensure you are able to come on the break.

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/06/2018 17:12

I can ride a bike. I wouldn’t want to go on a biking holiday. And I certainly wouldn’t want to be told that pre-arranged plans had been changed without my agreement, and I was supposed to spend time training To prepare for a ‘relaxing’ holiday.

They are being controlling arses.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 16/06/2018 17:13

Riding a bike is one thing but you are not the only vehicle on the road and ringing with cars and lorries going past you is not fun.Also just because you are able to do something doesn't mean you would enjoy it or be confident just as on of the OPs friends can drive but chooses not to.

Summersnake · 16/06/2018 17:13

Mean girls for sure

Slanetylor · 16/06/2018 17:15

Yes be honest. I’d say I was upset. I’m short and not sporty and I fo NOT engage in group sporting activities. I love to walk, cycle and hike but on my own or with other slow people. Not my tall athletic friends, which most of my friends are. Because it is ZERO fun.

diddl · 16/06/2018 17:17

Are they all regular cyclists?

If not they probably won't want to do it once the reality of traffic & sore arses/thighs is realised.

Summersnake · 16/06/2018 17:17

However ...why don't you go on the holiday and enjoy the cycling days doing your own thing...I'd much prefer that anyway if it was me,coffee shop and and a book .bliss

waterrat · 16/06/2018 17:18

i think leaving your friend to drive 7 hours is a bit harsh actually - you could still go and enjoy the holiday.

MollyDaydream · 16/06/2018 17:19

I've been able to ride a bike since I was 3 and I still have no interest in going on a cycling holiday!

Tell your friends you don't want to learn to ride a bike and you don't want to do a cycling holiday.

They still have 2 options - go back to the original plan or do a cycling holiday without you to drive them. Their choice.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 16/06/2018 17:20

And as an aside, if they aren't regulars on a bike then their arses will be killing after the first day so probably won't continue after that.

This. So so this.

I am a regular cyclist. Cycle approx 6 days a week. Regular family bikes rides. Often go out on bike for an hour once kids have gone to bed.

Hired bikes on holiday. Parents offered to look after kids. Planned a nice 40 mile ride. Did not allow for the horror of the mountains in the Canaries or the fact that the saddle on the hire bike was rock hard.

The pain. Oh - the pain.

The tops of my thighs looked like me and dh had been acting out “50 shades”!

We didn’t extend the hire for a second day! Never had dealing with my children bickering in a swimming pool been so attractive.

Slanetylor · 16/06/2018 17:22

If the friend is that annoyed at driving she could back up the op and not change the whole holiday plan.

Imchlibob · 16/06/2018 17:26

Yanbu - if you were invited on a cycling holiday in the first place it would be your choice whether to accept or decline. It's totally not OK to just decree that that this previously normal holiday is now suddenly a cycling holiday.

I don't think the suggestions of using a trike or stabilisers are realistic. That might work for steady transport around a city but not for holiday-style cycling. Riding an adult trike is pretty hard work as they are much heavier but tend to be built for strength rather than speed. I doubt you would be able to keep up.

Even if you were to learn to cycle before summer there's a lot of distance between being a new cyclist and being capable of doing a cycling holiday.

Your "friends" are being mean and exclusionary.

I think you are right to just not go. After this palaver if they changed the holiday back to non-cycling there would be a bad vibe anyhow. Best to just drop the whole thing

toolazytothinkofausername · 16/06/2018 17:27

If I was going on a cycling holiday with friends, and one couldn't cycle I would be looking into hiring a bicycle with an additional seat for the person that couldn't cycle :) No friend left behind!

SpandexTutu · 16/06/2018 17:28

Just because you might learn to wobble round a car park does not mean to say you will be able to cycle all day. You'd have to spend all your time between now and your holiday practicing to get up to a standard which allowed you to do what they want.
You friends are being really unfair.
When I go away with my friends we agree activities we all want to do. Someone might suggest a spa, but if someone else in the group is broke and can't afford it, none of us do it. We find something else to do together instead.
We go away to spend time together, so the activity is not that important.

NorbertTheDragon · 16/06/2018 17:28

Tell them you'll learn to ride when they learn to drive.

If you did learn you might find you weren't confident enough to cycle on the road anyway.

My eldest kind of learned to ride when he was younger but then forgot (so it's not true that you'd never forget how to ride a bike!) as he never showed any interest.

When he was 17 he went on a scout trip and they suddenly announced they would be doing cycling on a couple of days. Big panic! Luckily one of my other son's goes to a special school that teaches kids with SEN to cycle so the lady who ran very kindly offered to let him join in. I think it was over 6 weeks. He did manage to learn to cycle and I had a a word with the leader and said he wasn't a confident cyclist. He did manage it, though did fall off at one point. He didn't enjoy it and hasn't been on a bike since.

I can cycle and I wouldn't be happy spending days cycling! Arse ache, quite literally! I bet they get fed up after the first day, so I'd go, have a day on your own, and then laugh at their butt hurt. Wink

Sparkletastic · 16/06/2018 17:30

Tell them this isn't what you signed up for and you will not be cycling. Suggest they book another break together to indulge their hobby and this break proceeds on the basis agreed - relaxation and good company.

bubbles108 · 16/06/2018 17:30

but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway)

Wtaf?

What a pair of fucking hypocrites

Tell them to get lost.

Find yourself some new friends.

I am seriously appalled

TorviBrightspear · 16/06/2018 17:31

I can ride a bike. Doesn't mean I'd be happy for a cycling holiday. And I'd rate driving a more useful skill anyway.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/06/2018 17:31

I can ride a bike but cycling from mid-morning til late afternoon is NOT my idea of a relaxing holiday and I'd be saying not only "No, thank you" but I'd be asking for my money back! All parties should have been consulted before willy-nilly changing the dynamics of the trip from relaxing to a physical activity and they were wrong to 'just decide' that it's now a cycling holiday without talking to everyone beforehand and sounding them out. How would these people feel if you had just decided that every day was going to involve, I don't know, naked horse riding for 5 hours each day?

And just because someone can't do something, it doesn't mean they'd like doing it if they could! DH hang glides and backpacks and he's never, ever suggested that I'd enjoy it if I only learnt to fly or that if I tried carrying around 30 lbs of gear on my back I'd love it!