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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
PhoebefromFriends · 16/06/2018 16:44

Why are you friends with these self centred people? Seriously I'd be looking at that. Go to a spa break on your own instead of spending time with these muppets.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 16/06/2018 16:44

Unless they decide not to do the cycling(I can cycle but would hate it as a holiday) the f you go and just relax while they go off the atmosphere would be awful.These do not sound much like friends.

diddl · 16/06/2018 16:44

I think if it was one or two days it might have been OK.

If it's now the main part of the holiday though, that's entirely different.

Especially that they went ahead without knowing how the lesson would go for you.

I don't think it really compares to driving though.

TowerRingInferno · 16/06/2018 16:44

I can totally relate to this! I can’t ride a bike and struggle with even an exercise bike. My legs can’t do what my head thinks they should be doing. On a decent holiday dh and the dcs hired bikes and the ideas was that I’d go in a tandem with dh but I just couldn’t do it and it made it dangerous for him.

I don’t have dyspraxia (at least i don’t think I do) but am clumsy and uncoordinated. With most things I gets better after lots of practice and repetition, but I hate cycling so much that I’ve never got beyond the falling off all the time point.

I think you’re friends are being very unfair.

Original poster
Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:44

I love spending a bit of time on my own but these are friends I don't see that often and the idea was for the four of us to spend quality time together. The problem really is that the scope of the holiday has changed entirely from chill/relax to a planned cycling from mid-morning to late afternoon. I could drive to some of the planned stops on the cycling routes but will honestly feel like a bit of a tool driving along, meeting them and then going back alone to the car whilst they cycle in a group.

I've Googled Tandem bikes and I don't think any of the group would be up for cycling with me on one of those models.

To the PP who mentioned I'm being defeatist, I'm genuinely not. I've stuck at a lot of things I've struggled with in the past (and succeeded) but this one just isn't happening!

OP posts:
sweetboykit · 16/06/2018 16:44

👋🏻 AnnaMagnani. I am autistic, hyper mobile and have dyspraxia! Good advice to get the non drivers to learn by the holiday.
I enjoy riding a bike, but it did take ages to learn.

BadPolicy · 16/06/2018 16:44

I think you need to be a bit more blunt with your friends. It was a walking holiday, it's now a cycling holiday. You don't cycle, and have no interest in learning.

UrsulaPandress · 16/06/2018 16:45

Even if you did manage to learn I doubt you would be up for cycling all day long for three days.

The designated driver needs to suck it up. Lots of people drive those sort of distances. And your friends who 'don't drive' need take a look in the mirror. Driving is a far more useful life skill than cycling.

Rafflesway · 16/06/2018 16:45

TBH, even if you did learn in a few days, you will hardly be competent enough to take part in what has become a cycling holidayvirtually straight away. 🤔

I learned in my early 50's but was astounded to realise how knackering it is and the amount of strain it puts on your thighs. I am a size 12 and pretty fit for my age - exercise every day - but I could only manage a few minutes at a time before my thighs were killing me. I think it is something you either need to be very used to or cycle often to build up the resistance. I would imagine hills and corners need loads of practise too.

anotherpersona · 16/06/2018 16:45

Even if you persist you are going to still be a relative beginner & I suspect not enjoy it. A tricycle will just annoy your charming friends as you will be slower. Also if you are going somewhere near nice walks and beaches in the summer, I'm thinking lanes & lots of tourists in cars driving like idiots round bends.

Decent friends would back down and limit themselves to one day cycling.

Furx · 16/06/2018 16:46

What a bag of dicks your friends are

Moaning because you can’t ride a bike (which you hadn’t planned anyway) then whining because they won’t drive.

Thing is , even if you do learn next week, there’s no way you are gonna enjoy a cycling holiday, you will be aches and not very confident. Guarantee it will put you off cycling for life (and I say that as a very keen cyclist)

I think I’d turn it back on the friends, ‚‘you asked me along as a driver, then pick an activity that excludes me, then moan Im not willing to pay for a holiday that consists of cheauffering you lot about while hanging about on my own, and you wonde why im pissed off‘

Your DH is a dick too, you cannot possibly enjoy a cycling holiday without getting in a lot of practice beforehand. Even if you learned to cycle perfectly by tomorrow it would still be. A Very Bad Idea.

mancmummy1414 · 16/06/2018 16:46

Sounds like an awful, dull holiday.
Tell your friends and DP they’re all being arseholes, you are not going on this holiday and he can keep his annual leave because you’re going to take yourself off and have some well-deserved time to yourself doing whatever you want wherever you want.

Rafflesway · 16/06/2018 16:47

X posted Ursula!

DarlingNikita · 16/06/2018 16:47

I love spending a bit of time on my own but these are friends I don't see that often and the idea was for the four of us to spend quality time together.

Well then the question really is how much do you want to go along and spend what time you can with them.

juneau · 16/06/2018 16:50

Your friends are being arseholes. They changed the holiday after you'd all booked and now, despite knowing that you can't ride a bike and even if you learn you're unlikely to be confident enough to join them on holiday, they're sticking to their plan to go cycling every day rather than going back to the original one of walking and chilling, which you can join them for. I wouldn't feel guilty for ducking out on them, but I'd probably feel bad about my DH if he'd had to go to a bit of trouble to accommodate the now defunct plans.

Notevilstepmother · 16/06/2018 16:51

This I think I’d turn it back on the friends, ‚‘you asked me along as a driver, then pick an activity that excludes me, then moan Im not willing to pay for a holiday that consists of cheauffering you lot about while hanging about on my own, and you wonde why im pissed off‘

sweetboykit · 16/06/2018 16:51

I'm wondering if it would be helpful to practice pedalling on an exercise bike, then move onto a bike. Then you just need to concentrate on balance as your feet will know how to pedal.
Ds1 has dyspraxia and found pedalling really hard.

Orangecake123 · 16/06/2018 16:51

I can't ride a bike.

But I'd personally go if I've paid and leave them to it and find fun things to do on your own.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/06/2018 16:51

I'd be in the rusty but basically capable group and this would still be my idea of hell. It was a relaxing holiday and now it's lots of exercise and not enough wine holiday.

If DH hasn't cancelled AL I'd go and enjoy the peace and seeing them around their cycling. They may well not fancy going every day after all but I'd also point out to any complainers that this isn't what you originally discussed and no one is badgering the others to learn to drive

Original poster
Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:51

One of the group has messaged to say she will take me out locally to a forest tomorrow for a 'lesson' and it is really silly to give up so quickly. I did point out that even if I learned this weekend I would not be competent enough to join in a group cycle by the summer and she said then are planning easy routes, flat roads etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:54

@sweetboykit - I do Spin classes so use exercise bikes frequently.

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 16/06/2018 16:54

What horrible friends! Even if you could cycle, you might not have wanted to spend every bloody minute on a bike. To have changed the nature of the holiday without having the courtesy to ask you first, is just so inconsiderate. TBH, I would be asking for my money back and dropping them as friends.

This isn't your fault at all. Good for you to even try to accommodate their selfish desire to cycle. But it wasn't up to you to do this. Not good friends at all.

gamerchick · 16/06/2018 16:55

Stick to your guns OP. They changed the goal posts and are only persisting with you because you're a designated driver.

Tell them point blank that you're not doing a cycling holiday and if they want to change it to that then you hope they have s good time. Point out the hypocrisy with the driving thing and spend some time with your husband instead. No need to waste time off.

Furx · 16/06/2018 16:55

And IF they are that bothered then they fucking SHOULD be willing to sit you on a tandem or a Mobility cycle and put the effort in

One of my colleagues has a missus with hypermobility, sha cannot ride a bike, so he got one of these

hasebikes.com/95-1-Tandem-PINO-ALLROUND.html

If your mates actually gave a stuff they’d make an effort to hire one.

fluffyrobin · 16/06/2018 16:56

Go on the 1 to 1 and go with your friend in the forest at least then you will have explored all options.

You still haven't answered re: tricycles (agree: look great fun)