To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

"I would not be competent enough to join in a group cycle by the summer "

That might depend on how long it actually is until you go & how much practice you could get in.

Is a forest the best place to learn/practice?

Why can't you just go and do your own thing while they go cycling? Then everyone is win win, you get a break, drive is shared and your husband gets his time off too!

And as an aside, if they aren't regulars on a bike then their arses will be killing after the first day so probably won't continue after that.

Do you want to be able to cycle though? I can but it would be my idea of hell as a holiday!

It's hard work and I'll bet they won't cycle as much as they think they will!

Sounds like they are just pissed about not having you as a paying chauffeur. No consideration about what YOU want as a holiday. Let them go on their own. You don't need (or deserve) this grief.

If you DO decide you would like to learn to cycle, do it for yourself. Not for these CF friends.

Theyve turned it into a cycling holiday even knowing you cant cycle, so youre perfectly reasonable to change your mind. I think its bollocks that they havent thought of something else than cycling if they want you to come.

A lesson in the forest?

Tell her to get the other driver a bloody motorway lesson and bugger off.

Though it might bring it home to her that it isnt that easy for you to just jump on a bike.

It must be an issue with balance. If I was new to bike riding I definitely wouldn't be happy riding on a road. Cars going past will mess with your balance.
Why are they so selfish?

ne of the group has messaged to say she will take me out locally to a forest tomorrow for a 'lesson' and it is really silly to give up so quickly.

Well - you can go along and show her how much you are struggling - perhaps mention that you are looking into dyspraxia or say no and that you're bloody annoyed how inconsiderate they are being.

you’re going to take yourself off and have some well-deserved time to yourself doing whatever you want wherever you want.

Agree with this. Ditch the 'friends' and book yourself a break somewhere you can spend time doing what you want to do.

Everyone saying the op could do this or do that - Why should she? Whether she can ride a bike or not is really irrelevant. She didn't sign up for a cycling holiday and she doesn't want to go on a cycling holiday.

Yanbu. I can ride a bike but I find it terrifying (i also have terrible balance, special awareness etc) I wouldn't want to go either in this scenario. It's not your problem they can't drive!

They don't really want you on the holiday for your company, they want another driver.

As a non driver myself their attitude has been appalling and you need to be frank with them. They changed the holiday plans. You can't or even don't want a cycling holiday so you're out. Leave them to it.

You need to be frank or it will be oh just have another lesson, keep practicing etc and then on the holiday they will resent your slow pace or you will be left behind.

I have endured similar.

its not even so much the appearing to give up learning easily...your friends seem to have completely failed to take on board YOU DON'T WANT TO DO A CYCLING HOLIDAY.

it would not matter if it was cycling or bird watching or surfing or whatever..it was not what the holiday was suppsoed to be all about and now it is and you dont want to do that activity all holiday ..end off...

i do wonder if you have been a bit 'naice' about it and made vague noises about not being good at cycling etc...i think you need to be more honest and direct and tell your friends politely that you do not like cycling you have no interest in a cycling holiday and so you will not be going and you'd liek your money back please

Its a very different thing learning to stay upright in a straight line to cycling several hours a day, even if the roads are nice and flat.

Your friends are being very unreasonable. You should go to the forest with her for a lesson so she can see exactly what you mean.

Also why don't you keep DH's holiday and go away for a few days with him and DC.

I'd go, and I'd at least try a tricycle for one day; you may love it.

I'm sorry OP.. your friends sound selfish and horrid

YANBU.
I can ride a bike but I wouldn't enjoy a cycling holiday. It's not what you originally agreed to and it's quite mean of them to change their plans like this.
Driving is a much more important life skill IMO. It does look like they mostly want you there as their driver I'm afraid which isn't nice.
I'd get my money back and book myself a spa day or short break instead.

Trying is the first step to failure

I’ll remember that in the future. It will certainly save a lot of wasted time.

OP, I can’t ride a bike either. I tried to learn in my twenties for a few weeks and got nowhere (except falling to into bushes). I was black and blue all over. I’m not convinced it’s even possible to learn as an adult!

I can't ride a bike. Never had one,never been on one. I was deemed too clumsy for one as a small child,and then too fat when older.
There's no way in hell I'd learn to ride one now.

Your friends are dicks for changing the plans knowing you can't join in,taking the piss and now forcing you to learn something just to make their lives easier.

I learned to ride a bike as an adult. I realised that the trick to staying balanced was to counter the downward push by a lean to the opposite side. Like a pp I practiced in the garden before venturing out and was moderately successful .Well I 'mostly' stayed upright anyway.
But what they dont tell you is that muscles you use for cycling but dont use for walking etc ache like buggery the next day. And my nether regions were really sore. Also I had a fierce concentration headache every time I rode.
In short .Although you might conquer bike riding in time to go on the holiday you wont be in shape enough to enjoy it. I think YADNBU for cancelling .

I think I’d stretch the truth slightly and say you are being investigated for dispraxia and there is a strong chance you will NEVER be able to learn to ride a bike.

So thy will need to rethink their plans and either not cycle or one of th other drivers needs to not be so bloody wet.

id reply back saying "no, I cant fucking cycle. I do not enjoy it and i cant do it, so im not going on a cycling holiday. If you want me to come, it needs to be a different sort of holiday as originally planned"

From what you said earlier, you almost certainly have dyspraxia. The problems copying movements in an exercise class, and the hand coordination are identical to my dyspraxic daughter's issues. It took her a very long time to learn to ride a bike, and she was only 12 at the time. Tell your friends you've done some googling around this bike question, and now believe your issues are related to the condition, and send them a link about it (Dyspraxia Foundation are good) and explain how those markers apply to you.

Tell them you'll learn to ride a bike when they've learned to drive a car. That's MUCH more of a life skill.