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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 24/07/2018 22:16

So what is the GF going to eat, if she won't cook anything that has been placed in the fridge with meat?

EmpressWeaponisedClitoris · 25/07/2018 04:29

And if she's now not cooking for everyone, is she going to pay more instead?

ThisIsHistory · 25/07/2018 04:49

Tell F1 to F off and that GF can GTF too.

Then you, F2 and F3 can trek, barbecue steaks and catch up to your heart’s content.

What a cheeky —controlling— fucker.

DrCorday · 25/07/2018 04:50

Could I be F6 OP? I could quite easily share driving, cook meals (with meat) and not go bike riding with you for 2 weeks for free Wink

You should post on the group chat that you are now going to bring someone for free as the holiday isn’t quite what was planned and you need a friend who shares the same interests; tell them she’s a fantastic cook and non-bike riding friend who will keep you company and pay a bit of money for fuel Wink

I can’t believe how obsurd F1 is!

Lweji · 25/07/2018 06:59

Mention bathroom sharing when the cost sharing comes up. When it comes to common spaces, will the GF keep to the bedroom and give you all priority over shared areas?

UrsulaPandress · 25/07/2018 07:09

Can't believe the cost of the holiday is not being split 5 ways.

Please tell me GF is contributing to the car hire costs.

SqueakyBinders · 25/07/2018 08:41

meat can be placed in the fridge but if it is GF will not cook the meals because she cannot store her ingredients next to meat.

So if you put meat in the fridge, then she can't cook anything? That's bonkers. What is she going to eat if you guys put a bit of bacon in the fridge? Why on earth can't she share the fridge?

This kind of intractable thinking is not OK. Why does F1 & GF get to determine everything?

F1 and GF sound horrendously selfish. Your other friends sound quite lovely to put up with this. I can't help but feel that this has been dealt with quite passively by all three friends, with F1 basically calling the shots. Time to cool it with F1, I think.

Jghijjjoo · 25/07/2018 08:49

So she's not bringing her vegan ingredients or cooking, nor contributing to the cottage or bigger hire car. So basically it's a free holiday of rest, relaxation and cycling for her then. And more expense and work for the rest of you.

Bridezilla2be · 25/07/2018 09:01

YANBU! I would much rather be a good driver (I’m not!) than able to ride a bike!

Go for the second lesson and if it doesn’t help then try to renegotiate how much cycling they need to do. Smile

Bridezilla2be · 25/07/2018 09:03

I was in a tunnel, didn’t realise there were 24 more pages, ignore me! Blush

ResistanceIsNecessary · 25/07/2018 09:07

F1 really is a CF isn't she? Way to have a mini-reunion with friends - by agreeing to a holiday doing something everyone was happy with, then bullying them to do the thing that only you want to do.

Original poster
Eastie77 · 25/07/2018 16:07

I was just talking about this whole cycle holiday drama with a colleague when we became aware of ambulances and fire engines near our office. A cyclist has just been crushed by a cement mixer Sad. So awful. I dread DD taking up road cycling when she is older, it is such a terrible black spot around here.

OP posts:
Motoko · 25/07/2018 19:16

It is worrying, our roads aren't really suitable for cycling, unlike places like Amsterdam and Copenhagen.

We've got a one track lane outside our house, and a neighbour's son was knocked off his bike a couple of times cycling down it. Luckily he wasn't injured other than a few bruises. It always worried me when my son went out on his, so I didn't encourage it, I'd rather we had to give him a lift in the car. He's moved out now, and has a car of his own.

mickeysminnie · 25/07/2018 19:45

Do you talk to your other 2 friends at all? I find it incredulous that 3 of you are lettingnone person to completely change the dynamic of the holiday. You are allowing them to bring another person who will contribute nothing and also allow them to try and dictate your diet over the course of the vacation. Are you all complete gobshites?

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 25/07/2018 19:49

But I don’t understand - if she’s so precious that she won’t eat food that’s been in the same fridge as meat (which is madness) then what IS she going to eat? Or is it that she’ll just have a strop if there’s meat there and refuse to cook for anyone else? The pair of them sound awful.

Motoko · 25/07/2018 20:39

I don't understand why the 3 of them aren't putting their collective foot down. Strength in numbers and all that.

Original poster
Eastie77 · 26/07/2018 11:40

@mickeysminnie - We are eating what we want and meat will be in the fridge. I'm carrying on with my planned trek, the other 2 will do one easy cycle ride (apparently) and then leave F1 and GF to carry on with their cycle plans while the rest of us carry on with our holiday.

I'm personally planning to have a good time and don't care at all about F1 and GF's bike riding plans.

The GF will presumably have cereal for breakfast and then eat out? Maybe she'll bring some dried Vegan stuff to feast on. I have no idea really!

The money thing...F1 said GF will pay towards petrol but can't contribute much else so perhaps she has money problems (I know, not our problem!!)

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 26/07/2018 12:21

Maybe she'll bring some dried Vegan stuff to feast on.

I predict a lot of passive aggressive munching of protein bars. May I suggest that you deliberately don't buy vegan-friendly wine? No need to let her have your booze as well as your holiday.....

I'm a vegan myself btw, but can't bear cheeky fuckers Grin

AcrossthePond55 · 26/07/2018 18:02

."F1 said GF will pay towards petrol but can't contribute much else so perhaps she has money problems"

Then F1 should cover the cost of her guest's share of expenses. After all the rest of you are expected to do so. Would F1 have been happy if she has been told that you (or other Fs) we're skint and expected her to cover your shares? I think not!

AcrossthePond55 · 26/07/2018 18:03

"To do so" should be "pay your way". Shouldn't try to MN and carry a conversation at the same time!

ResistanceIsNecessary · 26/07/2018 19:55

Bloody hell, she just gets worse! Not content with strong-arming you all into doing the hobby that only she enjoys, she's now bringing her GF along for a freebie.

At the risk of sounding petty, make sure you keep an eye on food and booze. It's one thing to say that the cottage costs wouldn't be any different without her - but food and wine/spirits/beer WILL cost for an extra person. Make sure you don't end up subbing her.

Slanetylor · 26/07/2018 20:07

If you don’t feel full after her meals, just take to frying a bit of bacon as a side to EVERY MEAL. Just for the fun.
I do hope you have a nice time!! But if there’s any drama please please report back!!! I’m assuming F1 will be on best behavior with her girl friend along but her best behaviour might be crap?

Di11y · 26/07/2018 20:13

Could you bring a large Tupperware box to put the meat in?

I agree that it will change the dynamic so much that unless she pays her way you should refuse to accommodate her

LaContessaDiPlump · 29/07/2018 12:27

How's the weekend going op?

Happygoldfinch · 29/07/2018 12:38

Yanbu. I recently holidayed with my family and thought a day of cycling would be lovely. However, I have gained weight over the years and so off rode my 2 children and DH whooping with joy and I was left behind, wobbling and feeling like I was letting everyone down. You wouldn't have gone if cycling was part of the original plan, so your friends changed the conditions of the holiday, not you. They are getting angry at the wrong person now that you want to pull out. And you don't want to learn to ride a bike - that's your choice. Tbh, they sound a bit like a bunch of bullies. Shock