To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

i think leaving your friend to drive 7 hours is a bit harsh actually

Haha no. Said friends are planning on leaving OP for around 5 hours per day! A confident driver would be fine with that with a couple of breaks. If the driver is not confident and expecting to be accommodated with that they should be able to show some empathy to someone not able to cycle.

Of course you are not BU. They have changed the theme of the break after you booked it. I’m sure you wouldn’t have agreed to go knowing it would be a cycling holiday. If you don’t want to ride a bike you shouldn’t have to, whether you could do it or not.

How about a tricycle? They make pretty good adult ones. Failing that you're going to need someone to strip the pedals off/crank shaft off a bike and learn to glide. For people who struggle with balance it's the only way. You'll need a few days gliding around and slowly starting to pick your feet up not just a days lesson. Once you can glide with your feet up for a decent distance then and only then is it time to pedal. I bet you can do it but it's whether or not you want to persist.

Don’t meet up with the friend who offered to teach you or go to any cycling classes. You just need to tell everyone that you don’t want to go on a cycling holiday so won’t be going. Keep repeating it until they listen. If they fall out with you it means that they are not real friends.

Go away for a few days by yourself anyway if your DP has booked leave to cover it. Is there a show or an exhibition you would like to attend? Or a friend who lives somewhere distant that you would like to visit?

I’d be tempted to send Furx’s message upthread. They don’t sound very nice at all. Please don’t let yourself be bullied.

I think you give them two options. Do they want a cycling holiday most of all, or do they want a holiday that includes you most of all? This are their options, they have to choose one or the other.

I have dyspraxia or dcd. I cannot cycle or skate. Balancing my tender parts on a thin hard seat does not appeal now anyway. Tell them you are swapping to something you want to do and hire a horse. They ABVVU.

And yes you should also be asking for your money back. They have completely changed the content of the holiday.

Waves to sweetboykit it was bad enough realising I'm autistic, just read about dyspraxia and a load of that really really fits too

And I more than likely have POTS to go with the hypermobility

It's just fun, fun, fun isn't it

@SeriousSimon there are plenty of things that some people simply cannot do ,and admitting that is not defeatist or giving up,it's being realistic.

YABU in not getting your share of the money back. Even if you did learn to cycle you probably won't be confident enough to enjoy a cycling holiday and that wasn't what you signed up for and paid for anyway.

I can't ride a bike. I don't care.

Yes you’re friends are selfish, it’s about their holidays being ‘ruined’ nothing else.
I can cycle easily but only do so about once every 5 years, it’s not a life skill at all.
Having said that, give the 1-1 lesson a try but do not feel obliged to go on this holiday if it’s not something you’d enjoy.

I can ride a bike but the idea of a cycling holiday is my idea of hell, I would be bored to tears. I'd far rather walk somewhere than cycle.

Your friends are being incredibly selfish to change the holiday so drastically, if they had said they would do one morning or afternoon bike ride then that would be different.

A pp earlier on made the right comment - I think I’d turn it back on the friends, "you asked me along as a driver, then pick an activity that excludes me, then moan I'm not willing to pay for a holiday that consists of chauffeuring you lot about while hanging about on my own, and you wonder why I'm pissed off."

Also, ask for your money back and spend it on doing something with your dh and children instead.

And the 'driving seven hours' comment made me laugh. I drive seven hours each way to visit my cousin or to go to Disneyland. DH tows our caravan around 10 hours per day (I don't tow) when we're RVing. Seven hours is nothing.

Even if you magically mastered cycling between now and the holiday, riding all day for a few days would be agony if you weren't used to it!

Thanks for all the replies. To the PP who mentioned a Tricycle - sorry I wasn't ignoring the suggestion but just don't think it would work for me and really the issue is I don't want to spend hours each day riding anything at all! I also wouldn't cycle for enjoyment on a regular basis even if I learned. I live in London near a cycling black spot where cyclists are killed or maimed on a regular basis.

Also this is tmi but my thighs, buttocks and nether regions are in huge pain after my lesson (2 hours in total) and it just doesn't appeal.

I think I will go to the forest with my friend just to reinforce the point as she is convinced I am just giving up and doesn't realise how difficult it is for me. The holiday isn't a 'cycling holiday' according to her but the same break we planned with a few hours cycling thrown in so we can see the local villages, sights etc. She is a serious cyclist, the other 2 less so.

Someone mentioned they understand why the sole driver is pissed off. Well I have suggested the friend with the license does some of the driving. Said friend argued it's irresponsible to suggest she puts lives at danger by driving on the motorway when she hasn't driven since passing her test. I offered to take her out early on a Sunday morning so she can practice and the answer was no. So honestly think the sole driver should be pissed off with her rather than me.

The 4th friend doesn't drive at all as she doesn't see the point since she lives in London and pointed out she is paying for the petrol etc.

Not everyone can cycle but it rarely comes up in conversation or daily activities so people assume (which makes...)

My dd can but struggles and took her a long time to learn, she has a disability which affects her balance and co-ordination and ability to manipulate the bike! I strongly suspect my sister and mother have the same (undiagnosed and milder) disability. Neither can ride a bike. Where I live nearby there is a place that is VERY popular in the summer for cycling and has several cycle hire shops.

Not saying you have to do this but I've been with my dd and mum/sis at various points (it's very beautiful so that's why it's popular). And my mum or sis have rented adult tricycles. There are also adult cycles with stabilisers available (they weren't confident using those) Would that be an option if where you are going has cycle hire? You could investigate this possibility without telling anyone. There's also things that look a bit like a golf buggy but take 4 people and you all pedal - they can be fun and don't require balance.

Your friends do sound like hypocritical selfish dicks though - that's reason enough not only not to go but dump the arseholes!

Not only for the attitude but also unless it were all people very into cycling going (is it?) to spend 3 days on it is a bit much! Are they all fit? Is it 3 days in a row? Because if so I think you may well find people dropping out on days 2 and 3 anyway cos they'll be knackered with bruised arses! How long is the holiday?

That sounds like a fair amount of cycling, I used to cycle several miles to work daily and was at one point very into cycling but I'm guessing these people are hobby cyclists. I reckon by day 3 most of them will have cried off if the whole idea hasn't been given up as a bad idea! It uses muscles that aren't used in many other exercises and if they're hiring bikes they're unlikely to get them adjusted completely correctly to their style of riding, height etc

"she said then are planning easy routes, flat roads etc." Yep! As I thought, hobby cyclists with grand plans, I reckon half will quit after day 1!

If it's very hot they'll be KNACKERED! Trust me.

All that said, you would not be unreasonable to

Cancel
Get your money back!
Say to the non drivers - well if it's so easy to learn a new skill, learn to drive! The non-driver WITH A LICENSE would particularly piss me off if they're getting arsey! Which friend is offering the lesson in the forest?

YANBU, they are really selfish to plan three days of an activity they know you can't join in with. Even if you did learn to ride a bike in your private lesson, it's unlikely you would be confident or competent enough to spend 3 days doing it - they are being very selfish and unkind.

It’s beyond hypocritical for them to expect you to learn to ride a bike from scratch when you appear physically unable and yet your friend can drive but refuses to.

I can just about ride a bike short distances but I find it really hard work and it hurts (I have ASD, dyslexia and possibly dyspraxic tendencies). I would hate this holiday too. They should either agree to change the plans back so you can go and enjoy it or refund you.

Two of my children have developmental coordination disorders. We kept persisting with teaching them to ride a bike until they could start, stay upright on it cycling in a straight line and stop. They were about 9 or 10 when they finally got this.
Neither has cycled since.

(In contrast, the other two children were confident cyclists from the age of about six, and now regularly cycle to school).

Your friends don't sound understanding, considerate or inclusive.

Another YANBU. Your friends should totally compromise and make the holiday at least partly something you'd enjoy, rather than change it all at the last minute. Totally agree the chances of you enjoying this are nil, and think you are a good sport for having the lesson at all tbh.

I have a friend who performed as a dancer but can't ride a bike, she is definitely not dyspraxic so the two don't necessarily go together. I CAN ride a bike but don't particularly enjoy it and am scared to drive in traffic so I wouldn't go on a holiday that was based around cycling. YANBU and should get your money back.

These people are not your friends. They have changed the holiday and refuse to compromise at all. You didn't sign up for this and they don''t seem to give a shit about you. They just want a chauffeur. Ask for your money back and tell them to FTFO.

Your cycling 'friend' is a patronising bitch. Why do you have to learn to cycle, but your other 'friend' won't have refresher driving lessons? Why on earth can't they just go back to the original plan? That's what real friends would do.

I think their behaviour is thoroughly nasty.

I can understand why your DH might be bit irritated at being messed about, but I hope he's being a bit more supportive now. You have an excellent reason to drop out of this.

See if you can fit in more than one 1:1 lesson, maybe three if you can before you go. You'll get so good quickly if you cycle every day on this hol, and it is sooo much fun. You won't regret it! And you can always take the odd hour out of their cycling route to drink coffee somewhere or something to give yourself a break if it gets too much.