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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:

fluffyrobin · 16/06/2018 16:29

Go back and have that 1 to 1 before making any further decisions!

You need to look ahead while cycling and there are 3 wheeler type cycles you could use.

You could even have stabilisers fitted. Ring the bike hire company in advance and let them suggest.

Being defeatist isn't going to make you happy, neither is missing out.

I am sure you and your friends can work it out so you are all happy!

rookiemere · 16/06/2018 16:30

Couldn’t you just go and skip the cycling. Although it would be nice if your friends reduced it to 2 or 1 days cycling.

bigKiteFlying · 16/06/2018 16:30

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally

I have this - was diagnosed with dyspraxia during an long assessment for dyslexia - which also have.

Did learn to ride a bike as a child - took a lot of support from my parents mainly as all the children did as need to fit in - would avoid doing it now as an adult. Learnt to drive as well did pass test again haven't done it for years so wouldn't want to drive either.

I would be really mad if I booked a holiday and anyone suddenly decided I had to do either.

Original poster

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:31

I am looking into dyspraxia, thank you. I literally cannot balance and find seemingly simple things that require co-ordination quite difficult. I have walked out of dance type gym classes because I cannot follow the routines and steps.

If I am given a list of instructions with lots of steps I need to have the steps repeated one at a time repeatedly.

OP posts:

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 16/06/2018 16:31

YANBU. I don't cycle (partly due to a mild physical impairment necessitating orthotics, but it might be surmountable if I tried) and it is a bit of a PITA tbh, but it is as it is. Your friends sound a) incredibly inconsiderate and b) extremely selfish. Their problem if they effectively exclude one of the group's drivers from the holiday.

RobinMansions · 16/06/2018 16:32

And I can cycle but don’t enjoy it unless it’s on a completely flat and empty road, as i’m petrified of falling off. I also don’t like hills. Your friends are being shitty changing the plan for the holiday and being so dogmatic about it.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 16/06/2018 16:32

Can you hire a tricycle? They look fun to ride!

SeaCabbage · 16/06/2018 16:32

It is very unreasonable of your friends to change the holiday after you booked. You are quite within your rights to say that this is not what you paid for andbooked. Your friends are being very uncaring.

Your DH has booked the time off, I think you should still go on the break and change it in your mind as one where you will have rather more time on your own than your planned but it is still a break and a change of scene. Try and make the best of it.

I really feel for you that your so called friends are being so unkind. (And I love cycling!)

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 16/06/2018 16:33

It does sound like it could be Dyspraxia Eastie do you think your friends would be more understanding if there was a medical reason you couldn't do it rather than them thinking you were not trying? Not that this excuses their behaviour.

cloudyweewee · 16/06/2018 16:34

I feel your pain. My DH is a cycling instructor and when we met, was shocked to find | couldn't ride a bike. He bought me my own bike and we would spend hours in the local park, with me still unable to steer/ brake/change gears confidently so he gave up and we bought a tandem.
In your position, I would not go on the holiday.

Original poster

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:34

@fluffyrobin - I looked ahead and followed every single instruction I was given to no avail. At one point 3 of the other beginner students stood around me and tried to help me. Everyone scratched their heads, I couldn't even do a simple glide. The classes are funded by the council so thankfully are free and I wouldn't mind going to the 1-1 class except I know I will be wasting the lovely instructor's time.

OP posts:

Mrsmadevans · 16/06/2018 16:35

Stabilisers? A pashley bike? www.pashley.co.uk/bikes/tricycles/picador.php
or whatabout you riding tandem with one friend , l think you would have a great laugh

bert3400 · 16/06/2018 16:35

What about hiring a tandem bike ?

CaparaAlecha · 16/06/2018 16:35

Could you arrange a tandem bike or an electric 3 wheeler?

Notevilstepmother · 16/06/2018 16:37

I think it’s very unfair of them to change it like that. However I do think you should try a one to one lesson just to see if it makes a difference.

Personally I’d be hassling the one with a driving licence to have a refresher lesson and make her do some of the driving.

How do you feel about spending time on your own? You could have a lovely couple of days off while they cycle?

DarlingNikita · 16/06/2018 16:37

They're not being very nice, and it is hypocritical about the driving thing, but might you not enjoy the holiday anyway? Maybe this is just me, but I think a balance between spending time with friends and having the place to myself and some peace and quiet to sit around and read while they went off cycling sounds quite good

AnarchyKitty · 16/06/2018 16:37

I don't think you should be forced to do something you don't want to do.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 16/06/2018 16:38

I learnt to cycle as an adult. It started with me peddling a few meters in the garden and falling off, then to footpaths nearby but this was over a series of weeks - when no-one was around.
I remember as a child on school/scout trips bike rides were often slipped in which was a pain when you couldn't ride a bike and having to prove same due to the trope 'everyone can ride a bike.' On being given a bike anyway despite your protestations in that it is just a heavy encumberance if you cannot ride the thing.

Thing is it takes time to get the balance right and you need to put in the hours - like driving a car. Your friends are being arseholes - i suspect they have never had issues such as poor co-ordination and in my case at school, a small stature which hindered my participation.

Notevilstepmother · 16/06/2018 16:39

If it is dyspraxia it’s actually good for it to learn difficult things like cycling. Motor skills are hard but do get easier with time. I do get how difficult it can be, it usually takes me about 2 to 3 times longer to learn physical skills which is frustrating, but when you finally get it, it does feel good. Try the 1 to 1 before you give up.

Sparklesocks · 16/06/2018 16:40

I honestly think they are being very unreasonable - I feel like most groups of friends would bring up the bike idea, then say ‘never mind! When they found out you couldn’t ride a bike - or maybe just agree go go out one afternoon (not the whole weekend). But asking you to do (and pay!) for lessons and push you into it when you’re clearly uncomfy with it. I would never push my friends into such things, especially if it meant they then had to drop out!

theredjellybean · 16/06/2018 16:41

could your dp and you go away together ? he has swapped dates around to get the time off so you can go on a break with friends so i can sort of get were he is coming from ..a bit..but maybe explain to him you feel upset and let down by your friends and him making you feel bad is making it all worse.
He should be supportive and understanding.
as for your friends , i think it is outrageous that they are upset you dont want to join in an activity you dont like doing...it wasnt as if you had said you'd go on a cycling holiday and are now saying you dont like cycling.
I think you need to be calm and mature and rise above it all..calmy tell them or email then all saying you are sorry they feel the way they do but you do not enjoy cycling, it is not a case of just learning, it is a case of you do not want to spend your annual leave on a holiday which is not all about an activity you do not like , and i would suggest that the non-drivers just learn to drive so they can then undertake that activity to facilitate the holiday.

then i would ask for my money back..this is not the holiday that was planned and you signed up for and you are entitled to get your share back, which to cna use to to go away with DP and DC

Nanny0gg · 16/06/2018 16:41

Why should she? The holiday wasn't originally planned to be a cycling holiday and these 'friends' have changed the plans without any discussion with the OP.

Not very good friends imo

Oh and I can't ride a bike either and I'm not dyspraxic.

KatyaZamolodchikova · 16/06/2018 16:41

YANBU.

I learned to ride a bike last year, as an adult. It took 6 lessons for me to consider myself able to cycle. On grass. In a straight line. I’m still very wobbly, ride straight towards whatever I’m looking at (people, dogs, children, fences etc). Turning is challenging and I can’t cycle far before needed a rest, and to pull myself together.

Even if you do learn OP, my experience is that you wouldn’t necessarily be wizzing off all over the place anyway.

I wouldn’t be going cycling in your position either OP. But I might be tempted to days by myself in a cottage, with some good books, a good radio show and my knitting and company in the evenings. Although I get that’s not for everyone.

theredjellybean · 16/06/2018 16:42

sorry typo..should say ' you do not want to spend your annual leave on a holiday which is NOW all about an activity you do not like'

fluffiphlox · 16/06/2018 16:43

Can’t you go anyway and do your own thing when they are cycling?

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