To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OMG!!

I'd be making it clear that costs should be split and that I would be bloody well eating whatever meat I fancied.

Not contributing and no bacon 😲

yanbu, plus if you really can't get the hang of it and your heart is not in it then you might struggle to keep up with them and not enjoy it.

Agree that I would be kicking up a major fuss about no meat: how about she has an entire vegan fridge shelf, cheese, meat etc kept on other shelves, and she could bring a spare frying pan and saucepan if she’s not happy to use ones that have held meat/dairy products?

I would get the bacon packed!

GF doesn't get a say. She's getting a free holiday. She cannot dictate what you put in the fridge.

What about the cheese??? And eggs for breakfast???

This is a proper piss take AND you know they will take the nicest biggest room “because there’s two of them”

I'd issue an ultimatum.
Or make my own food and make it all about the meat.

AIBU? My daughter aged 30 who works abroad is home for her annual 4 weeks. DH has decided to redecorate the whole of our downstairs (including piling up furniture, removing carpets, leaving paint pots, dust sheets and decorating paraphernalia in every room). I feel that this makes her feel unwelcome and I am so annoyed and upset I could cry, I wanted us to relax together at home as a family. I am so cross that he didn’t discuss it before he started, and could have waited 2 weeks for her to leave before causing the disruption. AIBU?

And I have posted this in the wrong place - my first time on MN

Buy the bacon. And sausages, and steak. In fact stick a few burgers in there too. Even if they where paying their share they don't dictate what everyone else does.

My SIL has been a vegan for as long as I can remember. She regularly takes my mom out for a meal which generally is a carvery. She helps my mom get her meal etc

Not all vegans are the same 🙂

You cannot cycle any decent distance without being powered at some point (before, after or during) by a bacon roll . Fact.

He could have waited
Possibly join the op on a non cycling get away with bacon

So are you and F2/F3 going to allow this to happen (the no meat rule)? You've allowed F1 to steamroller you all about bringing her GF who won't even be paying towards the bigger, more expensive hire car, for fuvk's sake don't go without meat just because the GF is vegan.

If it was me, I'd get a really bloody steak and stick it on a plate in the fridge (and I don't even eat meat!). No way should they be enforcing a no meat rule.

Come on OP, don't be such a doormat, there are 3 of you, time to lay down some rules of your own!

The bacon would be a deal breaker. I'd be done with this if it was me. The GF is vegan. Fair enough, personal choice. As an interloper to the holiday, because F1 wants it all her way- no. Not your problem to have to accomodate her. I'd be putt no down the foot. And to be honest, I would be seriously talking to F2 & F3 about whether you should be having more of an opinion. I don't understand why three of you are all bending to one person. Do you see the friendship lasting post this holiday? Is there any point in trying to continue the friendship?

So in summary:

F1 has organised a cycling holiday when no one else wants to cycle.

She is expecting everyone else to pick up the driving responsibility.

She has unilaterally invited her girlfriend without consulting you.

Is declining to pay any extra despite this altering the dynamic significantly and requiring a larger car.

Is dictating the contents of the fridge.

Seriously, where is the holiday for you and the other two friends? This is you subsidising a vegan cycling holiday that none of you asked for and none of you want!

I think you need to all talk about this now or it will end your friendship. Either F1 backs the fuck off and pays the GF’s way and agrees that she can’t dictate the contents of the fridge; she disinvites her GF and compromises with a cycle on her own; her and GF drop out and do their own thing another time.

She isn’t being fair and none of you are standing up for yourselves! Seriously, it’s a case of ‘I’m not vegan so no I won’t be abiding by the no meat in the fridge rule, and I don’t want a cycling holiday so I won’t be doing that, and I’m not sucking up the additional cost of an extra person so GF portion is £x’.

Have you discussed the latest turn of events with F2 and F3? When is the holiday due to start?

Please get to WiFi and update OP! This is such a great story with so many chapters

Have F2/3 done a hog roast of the Vegan supercook GF CF and you’ve all sped away in bikes on the camel trail dodging small cyclists in shark helmets?
Or have you just had a rather tense time but have enjoyed the beautiful Camel valley and are now feeling refreshed but hungry?

Well as F1 & gf are paying for a quarter of the fridge space that is what they get to use. If your feeling very generous you might allocate the whole of the top shelf to them so that all your lovely red meat doesn't drip on their stuff.

I'd get together with your 2other friends and have a discussion between you about what you want.
If it were me I'd say no gf as it is making the holiday unenjoyable for 3 of you,if she does join the group then you will be cooking your own meat based meals,if she doesn't like it then she doesn't have to come.I dont think cooking you 2vegan meals is in anyway a payment towards the holiday.Might consider it if she does all the driving and hires the car.
She is saying it is because of the cycling so suggest you go back to the origional plan and walk.(your 2 other friends are not going to enjoy cycling if this weather continues.
Most vegans and vegetarians are not this selfish.
Maybe remove invite for F1.
You need to decide between you and present a united front.Has the dynamic always been that F1 calls the shots?

We're not on the holiday yet, will be leaving this weekend assuming everyone is still taking! I can unfortunately see rain forecast for the area we are visiting although temp still in the mid-20s so I have no idea how F2 & F3 are going to cope with the trail ride since I guess it will be very muggy/sticky but not my problem. I actually think F2 will pull out.

The GF isn't on our group chat so the no-meat demand came via F1. I've met GF and she doesn't strike me as the demanding type though so I think this was more F1 throwing her weight around a bit.

Anyway..F1 has now 'clarified' that she meant meat can be placed in the fridge but if it is GF will not cook the meals because she cannot store her ingredients next to meat. The rest of us said no meals is fine. None of us asked her to cook in the first place So there will be bacon. Ironically F3 does not eat bacon on religious grounds and she would have never made such demands!

For the benefit of well meaning latecomers to the thread who haven't read the whole saga (I don't blame you), I will not be cycling at all so the tricycle suggestions etc are not an option.

@MrsDrudge sorry your maiden MN post ended up on the wrong thread. YANBU by the way

Oh @MrsDrudge you are totally NBU! I hope you have a lovely time with your daughter regardless.

I’m going on hol too this weekend Eastie! Thank you for the summary (I read the original 5 or so pages back when this began...). I will not be cycling. I will be taking a book and praying I get to read at least some of it :) have a lovely time, regardless of dietary requirements!

Have a relaxing and fun cycle-free holiday Eastie, and if it’s any consolation I was the only person who could not complete my Cycling Proficiency Test aged 10 and still can’t ride a bike.

Did she agree to splitting the costs 5 ways op? Glad you got the meat thing sorted!