To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

Enjoy your holiday.

Make sure F2 and F3 know that you won't be picking them up as you're going to be enjoying a couple of lovely glasses of [name your alcoholic beverage] during/after your solo trek at the local pubs. So they should plan their distance accordingly (or tell F1 to fuck off, it's not a cycling holiday, they're not going with her).

I see a row brewing between F1 and the rest of the peleton.

how many friends? usually there is a truope leader, y are they bu?

If the cycle route is ssoooooooooo easy, then F1 will get absolutely NOTHING out of it other than frustration at F2 and F3 and all the novice kids and families on the trail too. F1 won’t even break sweat.

So what’s the point - she’ll get nothing if a challenge or a work out anyway

I think at this point it’s for F2 and 3 to object or agree to an alternative plan. You’re fine. You’re doing your walk.

If the cycle route is ssoooooooooo easy, then F1 will get absolutely NOTHING out of it other than frustration at F2 and F3 and all the novice kids and families on the trail too. F1 won’t even break sweat.

This. As a fairly keen cyclist I have spent many hours cycling with a novice cyclist. (I have a 5 year old.) It is stressful and frustrating. And strangely tiring.

I enjoy because I love him unconditionally and he is adorable. And I get to see him improving. I also know that we have to get through this stage to get to have longer rides.

F1 won’t have that. (Unless F2 or F3 have a helmet shaped like a shark!)

F2 will actually have to gage when she is half way to having had enough and turn back then. If she waits until she's already had enough before she turns back, she's still got the same distance to ride to get back as she's already ridden to get to her had enough state.

IYSWIM 🤔

If F2 isn't keen on the cycling-why don't they do the walk with Op then each has company?

Or F1 does a cycle alone to her standard & distance?

I also think that now you've ascertained you aren't doing it, you need to step back and let the others sort it out themselves. I think the private text was a mistake.

Is it the Monsal trail? If so it’s lovely and you’ll really enjoy your trek. I’m going there next month, I’ll look out for 3 friends having an argument

Can F1, F2 and F3 set off together, and if F2 has had enough either turn back or wait at the pub for the others to return? There doesn’t have to be all this drama surely?

God, i know people like this. You have a plan agreed in principle amongst a group and then one person (usually the largest and most domineering personality) tries to change the plans to suit them and offer a 'solution' to every objection that is raised.

My experience is that they usually get away with it too as people go along for a 'quiet life' and this just reinforces this type of behaviour going forward. They always quite forcefully steer plans to suit their own motives, wishes and to what is most convenient for them all whilst claiming that it is in the interests of the group.

I applaud you for standing up to your friend Op and not backing down. It will be a good lesson for her too, to realise she can't always get her own way through sheer force of personality. Well done.

I have the feeling that if this ride does happen, F1 will end up leaving F2 and F3 behind at some point to go at a faster pace and tell them she'll wait for them at XX point.

F2 will actually have to gage when she is half way to having had enough and turn back then. If she waits until she's already had enough before she turns back, she's still got the same distance to ride to get back as she's already ridden to get to her had enough state.

^^ this with bells on. When I've gone on the very, very rare day hike with DH this is exactly what happens to me. And it's almost impossible to know what that half-way point is!

When is the holiday? Intrigued to find out what happens.

Sorry I didn't update! So plans changed..again. Friend 1 is now bringing her girlfriend along. GF is a serious cyclist as well so they are going to the tackle the more challenging routes. F1 admitted that deep down she was not happy about doing the easy, family friendly route and only chose it as otherwise F2 & F3 would not have joined her. So now the break has changed a bit from the 4 of us catching up to F1 and her GF doing their own thing . I'm a bit relieved though since she was behaving like a martyr, complaining that the easy trail would be full of amateur cyclists etc. The holiday is in 2 weeks and yep we will be in Cornwall.

On a separate but related note...DD turned 5 last week and the stabilizers on her bike came off, she is happily cycling around on 2 wheels. I also bought her a pair of roller-skates which she has easily mastered. So glad she doesn't take after her mum

Well, F2 and F3 are amateur cyclists! That's why she chose that easy route. She's completely changed the holiday, why can't she and her GF go on a cycling holiday on their own?

Still, at least you, F2 and F3 can have fun without her. She's the one who will miss out. Her loss.

Great news about DD being able to ride without stabilisers now, and roller skates too! DS2 had rollerblades at about that age, and he used to bomb around the close on them! He took to them really quickly.
You'll have to be careful though, DD will be able to outrun you on skates! DS used to love me trying to catch him when he needed to come in!

Anyway, hope the weather's still good for you when you go away. Do come back here after and let us know how it went.

Do glad you have decided to go. F1 sounds like a bit of a handful i would her an gf do what they want and you have quality time with 2&3.

Look, don't go on the trip by all means, but cycling is really fun when you get the hang of it. My husband just learned - as an adult - and the whole time he was wanting to quit saying he'll never get it... then he did and he is having a whale of a time. Feel free to dislike cycling ONCE you have actually learned, but don't give up yet, the best is yet to come.

That's total crap, DieAntword. It's perfectly possibly to make assumptions about what you will and won't like without actually having to learn everything first - after a while, you tend to know what sort of things you like doing.

@DieAntword RTFT, it's moved on since the first post. Just read OP's posts.

DieAntwood

1. Welcome to the thread. It's bloody long, but try reading it and you might make a useful comment.

2. FFS, there's literally thousands upon thousands upon thousands of skills out there that people can master. No doubt thousands of advocates for why each one is great. No one could possibly learn them all, and who gives a stuff which ones other people choose to do? Nobody could possibly try out everything just to find out what they do and don't like.

I bet your DH would be living a life merrily free of bikes if you hadn't persuaded him to learn. He'd be having fun doing something else.

Will the addition of a new person change the dynamics of the holiday though? I have visions of F1 and friend banging on and on about how wonderful and bracing and energising a 200 mile bike ride is, and what an experience the rest of you are missing, while you, F2 and F3 roll your eyes and get pissed off about it. No cosy girlfriend suppers as planned, just lots of sweaty lycra everywhere.

I hope I'm wrong.

F1 sounds a bit selfish and self-obsessed actually.
Presumably she has the rest of the year to pursue her hobby and be a serious cyclist. This holiday was about catching up with and spending time with her non-cycling friends - yet she couldn't abandon her cycling just for a few days?

After trying, but failing, to persuade her friends to go along with her plans she just imports another friend who will!

Hmm - don't think much of how much she values her friendship with all of you. I can see why people say cycling becomes an addiction.

Well, I think if I were ANY of the friends, I'd be glad that F1 was bringing her cycling GF. More people to share the expenses*; OP, F2 and F3 to share the non-cycling activities; and no F1 hanging about whinging about not getting to go cycling.

*At least I assume that GF is going to be chipping in!

Yes I think the holiday dynamic will completely change. The GF seems very nice but the original plan was a mini reunion for the 4 of us so obviously that will change.

The GF chipping in..well F1 didn't mention it when she announced GF is coming. F3 & F4 are bearing all the costs of the hire car and petrol (see earlier in the thread about the driving saga!). We are now hiring a bigger car to accommodate GF so F3 is expecting GF to help with those costs and is annoyed F1 hasn't proactively said she will. I'm sure she will though - presumably she's not expecting an entire break for free The price of the cottage is the same for 4 or 5 and is already quite cheap so I'm personally not bothered about that.

It's not the point that it's quite cheap. If another person is coming, it's only fair that they also split the costs of accommodation and hiring a bigger car.