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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 06/07/2018 18:30

F1 sounds a pain. GF should pay her way, i.e. divide all costs by 5 not 4.

Hope you like Cornwall, I get to live here all year round Smile

rookiemere · 06/07/2018 21:15

I hope you’re making a mental note never to go away with F1 again. This is meant to be a get together for all friends- how come she unilaterally gets to decide to bring her partner along?

Still hopefully they’ll be off cycling all day so you’ll not see much of them.

emmyrose2000 · 07/07/2018 05:52

I'd send back a message to everyone asking what the new price is per person as it's now being split five way rather than four. Just because it's cheap, does't mean GF is entitled to a free holiday.

Did F1 actually ask the group if it was okay to invite another person before inviting GF, or just present it as a done deal?

Motoko · 07/07/2018 09:35

Did F1 actually ask the group if it was okay to invite another person before inviting GF, or just present it as a done deal?

She sounds like the type of person who would present it as a done deal.

cansu · 07/07/2018 09:39

They are the ones who are taking the piss. Cycling for one day might be ok because you could do something else but making it into a bike holiday is really unkind of them. Don't waste anymore time on it. Tell them you are irritated that they have changed the plans and it has cost you money and plenty of inconvenience.

fuzzyfozzy · 08/07/2018 19:41

I would be asking for a share of all the expenses. Friend seems to be getting things her own way.

Lweji · 08/07/2018 21:08

The update. Shock

Maybe you should take your DD as well.

Jghijjjoo · 08/07/2018 23:37

What do F3 and F4 think about the extra person coming along. I wouldn't be happy if I were them.

AlwaysTheEnd · 09/07/2018 10:33

Which council offers free bike riding courses to adults? I'm intrigued that this is a thing...

Thanks

AnnieAnoniMoose · 09/07/2018 10:47

I’d be annoyed at F1 bringing her GF. The idea was a get away to catch up...not a cycling weekend which she could do with her GF anytime. Still, I’d just plan the break with the others and let F1 and GF crack on with whatever...if she rather be off cycling with her GF than spending time with the rest of you. GF needs to pay her share or people will be even more resentful!

Original poster
Eastie77 · 21/07/2018 00:08

AlwaysTheEnd - Pretty sure all boroughs offer adult lessons. Try the following and just select your area:-

tfl.gov.uk/modes/cycling/cycling-in-london/cycle-skills

So, holiday is coming up. F3 pointedly asked for confirmation of the revised costs now we are splitting by 5 and hiring a more expensive vehicle. F1 doesn’t seem to think there should be any change to the accommodation costs since GF will be sharing her room and “of course” she will put something towards petrol. She went on to remind us that GF is an excellent cook, will cook for us one evening in the cottage and so will be paying her way Confused

In other news, DD is out on her bike all the time now the stablizers are off and wakes up at the crack of dawn demanding to go out on it. She is channelling F1 and I have created a monster!

unexpected - lucky you, I absolutely love Cornwall😊

OP posts:
notacooldad · 21/07/2018 00:12

Which council offers free bike riding courses to adults? I'm intrigued that this is a thing

My LA do.

Poppyseedroll · 21/07/2018 00:26

Well done for sticking to your guns, OP. I am very dyspraxic and ride a tricycle, but I wouldn’t want to ride it around bumpy country lanes. I can’t get it through those upside down V gates and it took some getting used to when I started riding it years ago. You don’t just hop on a trike and find it easy to ride, although I don’t fall off it like I would a bike.

alibongo5 · 21/07/2018 00:38

Pah! The accommodation should definitely now be split between 5 rather than 4 regardless of her culinary skills. Cheeky bugger. Is she paying for the meal she's cooking for you all?

rookiemere · 21/07/2018 07:46

I was reminded of you OP the other day as we are on holiday and rented bicycles to cycle a bit of the Camel trail. It really is gorgeous and it's possible just to do sections of it - we cycled from Wadebridge to Padstow which is 5.5 miles each way. There is an ice cream/ cake stand half way so could be nice to walk to .

Our relatives have electric bikes now and DH is an exercise enthusiast so there was talk of extending the ride and doing something off the cycle path so I just said that I didn't want to do that as I'm not comfortable cycling off road,

Enjoy your holiday and never go with freeloading brass necked friend again ! Still think you should suggest bringing DH and DC as its now open to partners Grin!

Motoko · 21/07/2018 09:06

F1's got a fucking cheek. OK, the accommodation isn't going to cost more, but what about the extra cost of the larger hire car? I think you should all push for that. And what's the betting that F1's girlfriend doesn't do much cooking?

Next time, just book a holiday with F2 and F3. F1's a nightmare, she's pushy and wants her own way all the time. I know her type and avoid them.

Sleepysooosleepy · 21/07/2018 13:26

It might be too late now, but I would turn around and cancel along with F2 and F3 as the holiday is no longer what you all agreed on, it seems to have become a cheap cycling holiday for F1 and GF.

If all 3 of you turn round and say you're not going it may push her to reconsider either the cost splitting or inviting her GF, or she may suck it up and you can cut some dead wood from the friendship tree.

Whatever you decide, don't compromise more than you are willing 😊

Original poster
Eastie77 · 23/07/2018 15:11

@rookiemere - ah shame we missed each other, we could have had a MN meetup although I suspect you'd want to give me and my feuding friends a serveGrin

I think the Camel trail is the one F1 has forced asked F2 & F3 to go on and then she will be going on the 'real' routes with her GF.

GF will be cooking a couple of meals apparently. She is definitely not paying towards the cottage. She is a Vegan chef which is fine in itself, I have just personally never felt full after a Vegan meal! Also her strong aversion to meat etc means we will not be able to stock bacon for butties or any meat based foods for the fridge. It's not a massive issue for me really, but the other two just don't seem happy with the way this has panned out with F1 & GF on a holiday and the rest of us as add-onsConfused Of course, F1 has inferred if we had agreed to do the high intensity cycling there would have been no need to invite GF!

Safe to say I have learned my lesson and there will be no future holidays with F1.

The 1-1 instructor from the council has been messaging me, keen to set up another lesson. I answered truthfully that after being left in pain for 2 days following the last disastrous lesson I'm just not up for it now and will let him know if that changes.

OP posts:
Lellochip · 23/07/2018 15:21

No bacon? Fuck that. If she's not paying for the fridge then she doesn't get to decide what goes in it

jay55 · 23/07/2018 15:40

The gf is not paying for the cottage but is dictating the contents of the fridge?
Fuck that.

Spam88 · 23/07/2018 15:43

I suppose at least you and friends 2 and 3 can go off for bacon butties while they go out on their bikes...

It is ludicrous though that the rest of you can't have meat on your holiday because there's one vegan there - especially one who wasn't invited and isn't paying her way.

Bobbydeniro69 · 23/07/2018 15:58

Right, it's put your foot down time!

I would be stating ..

  1. It's my holiday, and I will be eating what I want, when I want. If anyone, especially if they are not paying an equal share , thinks that is a problem then they can bring their own fridge.

  2. Ref bike riding. I won't be riding a bike. I will be going for walks , finding other stuff to do and generally sitting on my arse, because ..you know,,it's a holiday.

  3. I will be bringing sausages to add to the Vegan meals so they taste of something. ( maybe that's a bit harsh )

  4. I won't be bullied about not being able to ride a bike when I'm driving for 7 hours. I know which skill I would rather have mastered.

Enjoy your break!

RandomMess · 23/07/2018 16:09

So in short you are subsidising their holiday together doing their cycling with their menu choices 🧐

shakeyourcaboose · 23/07/2018 16:10

Noooo no way! There is no chance your holiday food/fridge can now be dictated to!!

AgentJohnson · 23/07/2018 16:12

What no bacon!!!!!!!

Why is everyone letting F1 be the alpha, I can’t imagine anything worse than going away with a selfish self absorbed PITA as F1.