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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
Chrisinthemorning · 23/07/2018 16:14

YANBU
I think they are mean to turn a joint break into a cycling holiday when one of you can’t ride a bike.
Difficult to ask for the money back but definitely don’t feel guilty about the driving- if they wanted you to go they wouldn’t have made it a cycling holiday.
I can’t ride a bike either- the only place I have ever been where I need to is Centreparcs and I hire an adult tricycle.

Haudyerwheesht · 23/07/2018 16:34

WTAF? Get the bacon in, she doesn’t have to eat it! I’m vegetarian - I’ve never made anyone else avoid meat!

Actually tbh I’d be telling F1 she’s being totally unreasonable and you’re really sad how this has planned out. She’s taking the piss and you’re letting her.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 23/07/2018 16:42

Bloody hell. F1 sounds like a right piss taker. I'm vegetarian but I've never told someone else they can't eat meat

triwarrior · 23/07/2018 16:50

Of course a novice could do 36 miles in a day! At a leisurely 9mph (which on a bike is really pretty slow) it would only take 4 hours...

triwarrior · 23/07/2018 16:58

To clarify - I do agree that F1 is taking the mickey and taking over the holiday. But the posters who seem to think that 36 miles in a day is hardcore, or that F3 and F4 are going to be completely incapacitated for the rest of the week...how sedentary are you? Good grief, you might want to move your bodies a bit more. Hardcore my arse...

5foot5 · 23/07/2018 17:28

But the posters who seem to think that 36 miles in a day is hardcore, or that F3 and F4 are going to be completely incapacitated for the rest of the week...how sedentary are you? Good grief, you might want to move your bodies a bit more. Hardcore my arse...

I disagree.

I have never been a huge fan of cycling I admit, but I think the furthest I have done in one day was about 18 miles. This was about 30 years ago when DH and I were in our late 20s and we were on holiday in Scotland. Of course it wasn't completely flat but neither was it tremendously hilly either.

The next day we were both really stiff and sore. And no we are not completely sedentary people! The rest of that holiday we were doing lots of hill walking and the cycling was definitely much more tiring. I think it depends what you are used to.

5foot5 · 23/07/2018 17:30

BTW OP - I am indignant on your behalf that this Jenny Come Lately to the holiday thinks she can dictate what the rest of you can eat! Bloody cheek! The rest of you should be putting your collective feet down about that.

Etymology23 · 23/07/2018 17:39

36 miles is quite a long way for a lot of people. 12mph would be a fairly normal but not a slow speed for many people. So that’s 3 solid hours of cycling. I’m pretty sure if you told people to jog 15 miles or they were insanely sedentary they’d think you were being absurd. The average speed on strava for women is 12.32mph - and strava will include on average users who care about cycling, rather than those who don’t, so I would suggest it’s a fairly high measure to be using.

Obviously one can do an hour, stop for an ice cream, another hour, stop for lunch and then come home - but in this heat and with cornwall hills as well, I don’t think it’s a minimalist day out.

I wouldn’t mind cycling that far, but I wouldn’t want to do it more than one day in a row.

SandyFagina · 23/07/2018 17:42

I think I'd purchase a sheep's head to keep in the fridge next to the tofu.

ohfourfoxache · 23/07/2018 17:48

Holy fuck Shock

This just keeps getting worse with each update tbh.

I’m not sure if I could get over this and carry on with the same relationship with F1 after this

BossWitch · 23/07/2018 17:51

God, I'd pull out. GF can take your place and pay your share. And drive.

LaContessaDiPlump · 23/07/2018 17:55

God, I'm a vegan and even I think that F1's gf is being unreasonable Confused are you definitely sure she'll be annoyed if you have meat in the house? Have she or F1 said this, expressly?

PuddinginPerth · 23/07/2018 18:03

Cycling is horrible; and unless everyone takes their own bikes it’s even worse,

Even if you learned to cycle in a day you have to leave condition your butt muscles and your thighs for cycling. If you’re new at it it will be horrendous.

Bike seats are incredibly uncomfortable and they hurt. Unless you have a super expensive light weight bike with a comfortable seat and you are an experienced rider, then it will be sh*t.

Thesearepearls · 23/07/2018 18:04

I can cycle but I don't enjoy it at all - I'd much rather walk or run or ride a horse. Cycling's so flipping uncomfortable. Why should you have to cycle if you don't want to? Why should you have to try to cycle if you can't do it?

You sound really obliging, and easy-going! You've accepted cycling, an extra one in your party which totally changes the dynamic and enforced veganism... I'd have pleaded a subsequent engagement at the cycling stage of the saga.

AcrossthePond55 · 23/07/2018 18:06

Fuck that vegan fridge shit! There is NO WAY I would agree to that. Hell, I'm Coeliac and I don't expect people to keep a GF fridge on holiday for me. I just make sure my things are wrapped securely and try to store them in one area of the fridge.

A holiday with no bacon is not a holiday at all!!

AcrossthePond55 · 23/07/2018 18:07

Sorry, but you and F2 & 3 need to grow some ovaries and put F1 in her place!

Chrisinthemorning · 23/07/2018 18:09

I have lots of vegetarian friends and go on lots of group holidays. I’ve never tried to convince any of them to eat meat and none of them have ever tried to stop me eating it. What about live and let live? Only way to go on holiday with friends IMO, anything else is asking for well, one less friend by the end.

Didiusfalco · 23/07/2018 18:10

F1 sounds like a complete pain in the arse! Seems like she just wanted you all to supplement her holiday. I would bail on the holiday and probably write her off too, but assuming you’re not going to go that, please come and report back.

etsiketsi · 23/07/2018 18:11

@triwarrior - why so rude? I’m guessing by your name you cycle. I’m not at all sedentary by any stretch of the imagination but cycling’s not my regular activity. Last time I cycled 25 miles I couldn’t move for days. Not because I’m sodding sedentary but because it felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to my fanny.

Rebecca36 · 23/07/2018 18:15

Your friends are not being very nice about this, they have no empathy. One of these days they will each be expected to do something for which they have no aptitude, they might understand then.

Don't be sad, this will pass.

BluebellCockleshell123 · 23/07/2018 18:16

Oh good lord. The cycling thing was bad enough, but the meat business would just push me over the edge. F1 and GF are a couple of CFs.

MipMipMip · 23/07/2018 18:25

So unless my maths is wrong (entirely possible) this was the weekend of the break. How did go OP?

bringincrazyback · 23/07/2018 18:27

I personally would just go and relax and enjoy things you like to do during the day and have fun with your friends when they return in the afternoons. I think some quiet time for reading or a nap or doing something local sounds lovely, but depends on how happy you are with your own company (personally, I go on holiday alone once a year without my dh or dc and it’s amazing!).

This. (I often go on holiday alone too, it's so restful. :-))

hibeat · 23/07/2018 18:31

Big hugs. Not good at cycling. A trike would do the trick. Do not loose your friendship over a bike though.

EmpressWeaponisedClitoris · 23/07/2018 18:39

There seem to be a lot of posters right now who haven't RTFT. Or even read the OP's latest posts.