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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to drop DC at a party early?

440 replies

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:07

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

OP posts:
LuckyJH · 16/06/2018 10:12

*two

MumofBoysx2 · 16/06/2018 10:13

If I were the mum of the party child and I knew how tricky it was I wouldn't mind at all, half an hour before the party we'd be ready anyway and it would be nice for my dc to have the company. That said, if I were the one asking, like you, I would probably ask another mutual friend going to the party if they would mind me dropping dc to them and going with them.

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 10:13

“I’d explain and ask and be very apologetic that you are asking. Also give the parents a large bunch of flowers and chocolates (or similar) gift.”

Fuck me, it’s half an hour, not a bloody kidney!

LaurieMarlow · 16/06/2018 10:14

I'd be really fucked off if someone asked to drop their child early. The run up to hosting is always really stressful in our house and someone else's child in the mix would send me over the edge.

Ask one of the other parents to drop him. I'd be more than happy to do this for someone.

Shednik · 16/06/2018 10:14

If I were the party mum, I'd want you to ask.

I would hate someone arriving early as I'm usually stressed to the max and trying to get everything done in time but I would rather that than my child be sad that best friend couldn't come. I'd appreciate that you were impacting your existing plans to allow them to attend and wouldn't think you were a cf. I'd probably offer to keep them for the day so you didn't have to miss part of the event.

Ask!

Aridane · 16/06/2018 10:15

Just decline the invite, or miss a bit of,your event, or get someone else to take DS to party. Don’t invite yourself early

NeverTell9871 · 16/06/2018 10:15

@BertrandRussell I laughed so hard at that I woke the baby!!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 10:15

Large bunch of flowers Grin this is getting ridiculous now.

I'd be embarrassed if someone gave me a present for letting their child come to the part 30 mins early.

MiddledAgedMother · 16/06/2018 10:15

Have done this and also had others ask same of me over the years with all DC and never a problem.
By 8 they don't need constant supervision so more likely to be helpful - either directly with prep or indirectly by keeping party child occupied.
If i were hosting the party and knew your clash I would offer to have early and keep afterwards until event over without being asked!
One of DD2's friends mothers asked if she could do a sleep over at that age as they had something planned but the friend really didn't want to miss the party. I didn't mind at all as I knew DD really wanted her friend there.

m0therofdragons · 16/06/2018 10:17

I would do this for one of my dc friends. They're 8 not 3. Can't believe how many posters are against asking. I would make sure you give a good gift though Grin

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/06/2018 10:20

For a party at home, for a close friend of my DC i would say yes
if i received that message i would just message back 'oh just drop them off early
if party child's parents asked this of me, they are a child i would happily say yes
parent in question is a 'party veteran' ... so i wouldn't have thought would be overly stressed on the day
I'm sure she'd understand the sometimes tricky dynamics with larger families!

It sounds like you've already decided to do this anyway, so why ask?

Personally I wouldn't - it's an invitation to a party, not a childminding opportunity

Fluffyunicorns · 16/06/2018 10:22

I would be totally happy to have the child early in the circumstances - would not even see it as a CF request

Languageofkindness · 16/06/2018 10:22

For goodness sakes - of course you should ask. I would not mind one bit! It’s 30 mins and he’s obviously a friend of her DD otherwise he woudln’t have been invited. Blimey i’m glad the parents I know (including me) are a lot more chilled and accommodating at parties. Just ask / I bet she’ll be happy to have him a mere 30 mins early,

Ginger1982 · 16/06/2018 10:22

Is this an event that has a timetable of stuff you want to see at a certain time? Dog show, play etc or is it just like a country fair and the time you're saying you want to be there is just the time you want to be there? If it's the latter, I would delay going to the event for 30 mins, drop DS off then you go and collect him at the end.

CurrentCurrant · 16/06/2018 10:22

My friends and I do this kinda of thing all the time. I don’t get the whole stress thing.if you don’t judge your child will run around on a sugar high or spend way too long on the wii then they are welcome. I will ensure hydration and feeding but little else...

But we are a biggish family, are all those out of interest seeing it as frazzling parents of 1 or 2 younger ones? With bigger families parties tend to be a bit more ‘all fed, none dead’

ToffeeUp · 16/06/2018 10:23

I don't see an issue with asking either. Just call or text the other parent and explain the situation, I am sure most people would have no problem with it. Most people away from MN that is Wink

Languageofkindness · 16/06/2018 10:24

I am slightly laughing at someone suggesting that you are using it as a child minding opportunity when all you are doing is trying to ensure your DS can go to a party he has been invited to. Bonkers.

Cheto · 16/06/2018 10:25

OMG people make lives so hard .. just ask already , the world isn't gonna cave in cos some kid is half an hour early Hmm

expatinspain · 16/06/2018 10:25

Just ask! Only on MN do people get worked up over this shit!!

rupertpenryswife · 16/06/2018 10:29

I would ask, as a mother with 2 DC I would not be offended, it's only 45 mins. Hope you get it sorted let us know what happens.

Rudgie47 · 16/06/2018 10:30

I'd ask and if she says yes then I'd get her some nice wine and chocolates.

TeeBee · 16/06/2018 10:31

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if someone asked me this. It's no inconvenience really, is it? It's a kids party, not a royal banquet.

theveryhighlife · 16/06/2018 10:31

I'd ask. I'd be disappointed that somebody declined my ds party invite because they felt they couldn't ask if they could drop off a bit early.

spinn · 16/06/2018 10:32

It's absolutely fine to ask party mum and be honest about why.

If party mum says yes, excellent, she is in your tribe and understands parenting in your style.

If party mum says no, fair enough, kiddo can't go.

If party mum says no and then posts a CF post on Mumsnet then she is not in your tribe and you gradually encourage the kids to not be friends.

Really, don't see how this is any kind of debate.

(My kiddos birthday was last week - had one extra come with us as parent couldn't attend, farmed one of mine off with another parent to be taken to his activity for the day as party clashed..everyone was happy, no one moaned or argued. I like to think we are all normal grown ups who talk!

SweetieBaby · 16/06/2018 10:32

OP you seem to be tying yourself in knots over this.

If you are happy to ask outright, then ask.

Personally I would go with a previous message, explaining the difficulty and asking who else is going. It is hinting that you would like to drop DS off early but it also gives the mum a chance to ignore this request without worrying that she feels compelled to offer. If it isn't convenient she can simply tell you who else is going.