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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask to drop DC at a party early?

440 replies

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:07

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

OP posts:

Returnofthesmileybar · 16/06/2018 09:48

"frazzled" and "wrangling" ffs 😂😂 it's like an amateur dramatic society here sometimes

Just rocking up early with your kid = cheeky

Texting/calling to ask nicely = completely normal and not one bit cheeky fuckery

If that message sounds like you speak TrickyTrickTrick then go with that, it's exactly what I would send

Whitecurrents · 16/06/2018 09:48

I have done this for other people and would happily ask them to do it for me. I really can't see what the fuss is about, having another child around doesn't make preparation any harder and can get the birthday child out of the way. Sometimes they even help out . Unless your DC is That Child in which case I'd make a feeble excuse

NoSquirrels · 16/06/2018 09:48

It’ll be fine! Invite a week before, for an at-home party with parents who’ve done loads of parties before- and it’s just half an hour. With the option to say no. Bloody hell, I wouldn’t think twice about it - either asking or being on the receiving end! Just text her.

EssentialHummus · 16/06/2018 09:49

I would happily do this - it's just 30 minutes.

RestingBitchFaced · 16/06/2018 09:52

I would ask, and have no problem if someone asked me. It's only half an hour, and they are 8 not babies - it's not like you have to watch them constantly

PolkerrisBeach · 16/06/2018 09:53

No, no no.

When my eldest was about 6 we hired a church hall for his one and only "whole class" party, we got in an hour before the party started and were busily setting up tables, and sorting sandwiches and balloons when about 45 minutes before party time one of the mothers breezed in with her little darling saying that he was SO excited about the party and simply couldn't wait any longer. They she turned on her tail and left. Cheeky fucker.

Asking is even more awkward for the hosting family - the parent is going to be put on the spot and won't feel that they can say no.

There are going to be times when you have clashes. You miss the 45 minutes of event.

birdonawire1 · 16/06/2018 09:55

I’d explain and ask and be very apologetic that you are asking. Also give the parents a large bunch of flowers and chocolates (or similar) gift.

Rachie1973 · 16/06/2018 09:55

I would ask in a heartbeat, so long as you don't make it sound demanding.

I've been asked, and happily done it before. Wouldn't even cross my mind that it was a CF thing to ask me.

Pythonesque · 16/06/2018 09:55

I agree exactly with what Whitecurrents has said. Would be happy to help and one child early occupies the birthday child!

Original poster

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:57

still no closer to you guys agreeing!!

I'm going out now but will ponder the best thing to do. If i ask another parent to take then they will need a car seat and then the car seat will need to be stored at the birthday house too (DC still in HBB).

nosquirrels that's how i'd feel myself!

i didn't know about the invite until we got home, i don't know who else is going and neither does DC. my only option to find out who is going is to ask the party host. and if got a message asking for other invitees i would offer for the child to come early.

OP posts:

FrayedHem · 16/06/2018 09:57

We've done a couple of late notice parties and I'd gladly accommodate early arrivals/staying later/lifts/siblings etc so that DC friends can attend.

Original poster

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:58

polkerris that is totally different. no way would i do it at an away from home location - as i said upthread. (and that has happened to me too and yes it was really annoying!)

OP posts:

sparkler10 · 16/06/2018 10:00

Wow, can’t believe how many people are saying no. It wouldn’t bother me one bit, as long as I understood why OP was asking.

SavageBeauty73 · 16/06/2018 10:00

I would ask. But then I think I live in a parallel world sometimes where an extra child for an hour wouldn't bother me at all.

lottiegarbanzo · 16/06/2018 10:04

Really, I think you're busy so should decline the invitation.

I find there is nothing worse than people arriving early. I'm busy getting things ready for just before the actual start time (and looking forward to that small moment of calm between 'ready' and 'first person arrives').

Knowing in advance would mean I would effectively bring the start time forward by half an hour. So possible but might mean starting prep earlier / having to do some prep the day before that I hadn't planned to. They might have set the party time for a reason e.g. they only have time to prepare that morning, they have help available then, so it may not be easy to rearrange to accommodate you.

But, I would probably not feel able to say no if you asked me. However troublesome it would be for me.

Really, it all depends on whether the two dc will play together nicely unsupervised, or whether your dc will need to be hosted by the parents. It's quite possible that, with an excited birthday child, they will create more mess to clean up, undo stuff that's been done, so actually create extra work, just when there's no time to do it before guests arrve.

I'm imagining it with my dc... and it all depends on which friend, the dynamic between the two of them and, how excitable my dc is - not something within your control, or perhaps your knowledge.

PenelopeFlintstone · 16/06/2018 10:06

This wouldn't bother me in the least.
I'd hate to live in a world where half of everyone was so uptight.

Olikingcharles · 16/06/2018 10:06

Just ask it wouldn't both me at all.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 10:07

PolkerrisBeach your experience is nothing at all like what the OP is suggesting.

VioletCharlotte · 16/06/2018 10:09

I think it's fine to ask, I wouldn't have minded at all if someone asked me. Just think about how you word it, say it in a way that she doesn't feel like she has to say yes. Maybe something like -
"This is going to sound really cheeky, and it's absolutely not a problem if you say no, but I was wondering if I could drop DD off to the party half hour early because...."

Whitecurrents · 16/06/2018 10:10

This thread is fabulously Mumsnet

Quartz2208 · 16/06/2018 10:10

Some threads make me really glad of the School Mums of my children I have both asked and been asked and did not think it was that big of a deal at all. And for most parties for my oldest (still stay youngest) most attendees car pool to minimise disruption on parents we take it in turns

Based on what the OP says and knows about the family it sounds like it would be fine

FrayedHem · 16/06/2018 10:11

With the late notice parties we've done, the only worrisome part had been over how many can (or can't) make it.

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 10:12

“When my eldest was about 6 we hired a church hall for his one and only "whole class" party, we got in an hour before the party started and were busily setting up tables, and sorting sandwiches and balloons when about 45 minutes before party time one of the mothers breezed in with her little darling saying that he was SO excited about the party and simply couldn't wait any longer. They she turned on her tail and left. Cheeky fucker”

Because that is exactly the same situation! Don’t be silly.

LuckyJH · 16/06/2018 10:12

God, just ask. With a clear caveat that you know it is a favour but explain why. There are to bad things that could happen..1) she thinks you are a CF? (but if you word the ask well you should be safe on this one. Or 2) she says no - in which case you are no worse off than you are now!

If you ask she may say yes. Win.

Ask!

NeverTell9871 · 16/06/2018 10:12

I really don't see the issue! If I was asked I'd actually be thankful as it would keep DD occupied so I could get on with things without her asking me when people were arriving ever two mins!

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