Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to drop DC at a party early?

440 replies

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:07

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

OP posts:
DonutCone · 16/06/2018 09:18

Please don't ask. They'll say yes out of politeness when it will be the absolute last thing they want!

ScaredPAD · 16/06/2018 09:18

1099 as hinted above someone did it to me - I didn't complain but it was awful as we were trying to get ready and especially afterwards when you just want to crash we still had another child to entertain. We had to still be "on."

If it was someone they knew well who was always round here it wouldn't be as bad but not someone you don't know well.

Kim82 · 16/06/2018 09:18

I’d be happy to have a child before and after one of my dc’s parties to keep them entertained whilst we got ready/cleaned up afterwards so on that basis I would ask.

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 16/06/2018 09:18

Just message her and say: We already had plans as a family but DS is desperate to come. I'm struggling to see a way to get DS to the party and back to fit in with other plans. Could you let me know some other people who are coming so I can see about trying to arrange lifts?

Frogscotch7 · 16/06/2018 09:19

I’ve been asked that before and didn’t mind at all. I don’t think it’s cheeky once you accept she might say no and that’s ok too. I’d just ask and say if it’s not possible that’s really fine but you just thought you’d ask.

Ilovehamabeads · 16/06/2018 09:20

You’re making it more complex than necessary. Just send one text saying you’re at an event that day but ds really wants to come so you’ll try and ask another parent to take him, and can she tell you who is going?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 09:20

What's all the angst about? Child comes early? He goes and plays with his friend in the garden, watches tv or plays with Lego.

Do not understand the problem.

Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:21

Mots if i received that message i would just message back 'oh just drop them off early' for a house party (not the same if trying to pack up everything for a away from home venue party). I would rather just ask than come across as hinting.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 16/06/2018 09:21

I wouldn't I think it's a little rude

Held a party for dd last week and a parent turned up 45 minutes early.

I was busy and slightly annoyed

Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:22

greatduck that's how i would feel. and if party child's parents asked this of me, they are a child i would happily say yes for as this child is in DC's top 5 of friends (that sounds awful, but you know what i mean, it is one of the children DC plays with regularly)

OP posts:
Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:23

marthas no way would i do it without asking! that really would be beyond rude!!

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 16/06/2018 09:24

I'd be happy for someone to ask me this. The mother probably knows about the event so would understand.

I would text "Hi Mary, Ben would love to go to Adams party, bit of an awkward one though, we had already bought tickets to x, I am happy for him to miss it and go to the party instead but was wondering if he could be dropped off at x instead of y? Absolutely no bother if not, I appreciate you might be busy so won't take offense at all"

Everything on mn in cf this and cf that at the moment, sometimes it's just asking nicely for a favour, it's half an hour ffs, people have gone so unobliging

Madasahattersteaparty1749 · 16/06/2018 09:24

I would text

dc would love to come but we already have plans which start 30 minutes earlier. Could you let me know which other children are coming to see if we work out getting him there via another parent.

If I got that text I would say just drop them off 30 minutes earlier. Or if that wasn’t possible give you parents names.

Having 3 children weekend logistics can be challenging so I do appreciate other parents in similar position.

1busybee · 16/06/2018 09:25

If They were very good friends I would reply and give them the info as the party girl would be upset if her very good friend couldn’t come because you were too embarrassed to ask. You could say thanks for the invitation, daughter really wants to come but could you let her know for def in a few days as you have another family commitment and need to sort childcare out for your daughter before and after the party so she could come. Would it be possible for them to let you know other guests so that you can see if anyone can help you..!

Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:25

so a nice split of opinions! very helpful MN!! Grin

The family has older children so parent in question is a 'party veteran' as it were, and has done house parties before so i wouldn't have thought would be overly stressed on the day.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 09:26

Asking who else is going so you can ask them to take DS is s good idea OP, it gives the mum the chance to step in and say just bring him earlier if she wants to.

LightDrizzle · 16/06/2018 09:26

The parents will be doing last minute frazzled preparations and wrangling their own overexcited child.
I’d only welcome an early arrival if it was a best friend of dc who habitually spent a lot of time at our house so would just be dropped off with a wave and slot in and play with my dc without us having to entertain/host/police in any way.
Fine to ask another parent, but don’t ask the hosts. They’ll feel pressured to say yes.
Just suck up the additional hassle, don’t plonk it in their laps.

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 09:27

Yes, of course. Perfectly fine.

Returnofthesmileybar · 16/06/2018 09:27

Seriously all these "busy" people, it's an eight year old ffs, it's a kids party, how "busy" can you be?? Just don't go in or delay her at the door and jobs a goodun

IamXXHearMeRoar · 16/06/2018 09:27

No way, get someone else to do it!

Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:27

return i like the sound of that message, sounds quite like how i speak actually!

both party family and our family are bigger than 2.4 children so I'm sure she'd understand the sometimes tricky dynamics with larger families! She will know about the local event too.

OP posts:
fourpawswhite · 16/06/2018 09:28

I think fine. Just ask, they can always say no!! Not asking would be rude, asking would be sensible. They may be able to suggest an alternative if it's really a big deal for them.

NotTakenUsername · 16/06/2018 09:29

Oh my, do not do this!
Your son is 8... surely he can tell you if any of his other ‘top five friends’ are invited? They probably are. Don’t you talk to any of the other mums at all?
She will say yes, because she would be in an awkward position to say no. But it is cheeky when she is hosting and has set a start and end time.

Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:31

invite came out at the end of school yesterday, i've had no time to ask others and DC hasn't had time to ask birthday child who else is going. RSVP needed monday.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 09:31

The parents will be doing last minute frazzled preparations and wrangling their own overexcited child

Don't be so dramatic Grin