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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to drop DC at a party early?

440 replies

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:07

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

OP posts:
SweetCheeks1980 · 16/06/2018 10:33

I'd be totally fine with this. It's just an extra child!
I've had requests for the child's siblings to come too, before, as the parents have had to go somewhere.

catandpanda · 16/06/2018 10:33

Definite no for me. Asking puts pressure on her to say yes and hinting is the same. She will be setting up then.

TeeBee · 16/06/2018 10:33

It's a sad state of affairs if we can't just ask each other a small favour now and again. It's how friendships are made, pulling together.

OlafLovesAnna · 16/06/2018 10:34

Family in a similar situation asked me this about my child's party. It was no bother to me to add an extra child into the transportation etc.

I think it's fine to ask, other mum cab always say no if it doesn't work for her.

catandpanda · 16/06/2018 10:35

It's sad when people don't consider how it might inconvience others and just think of themselves.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/06/2018 10:36

If you're worried just find out from your 8 year old which of his friends are going and ask one of the mums you know fairly well to have him for half an hour and drop them both at the party.

I'd rather ask a friend than a mum I only knew to say Hi to.

Hurry up if you're going to ask her. There might be 4 other mums planning to do the same thing. Best get in first. Grin

SweetCheeks1980 · 16/06/2018 10:37

@LaurieMarlow it'd send you over the edge?! It's a child's party! What's wrong with you?

helloBuddy · 16/06/2018 10:38

I don't think that's cheeky at all! If it's the only way you can do it why not. I would consider the other options as well though of asking another parents of a child that's going or have you no family members who can take him?

Lalliella · 16/06/2018 10:38

Gosh there are some mean people out there. No-one I know would hesitate in asking, or hesitate in saying yes. If you’re really worried OP, give the mum a get-out clause, i.e. say that you understand if it’s not convenient and you’ll ask someone else to bring DC. She might be grateful if the distraction for her DC so she can get everything ready for the party.

nottinghillgrey · 16/06/2018 10:38

I would have to say yes to that request. I would absolutely hate it though and i would think of you as being massively rude. Part hosts have enough to do without CF's looking for a babysitter

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/06/2018 10:42

other mum can always say no

The trouble being that Op and this mum don't know each other, this mum is quiet and shy so likely to say Yes while inwardly groaning, forming an opinion of OP as cheeky and possibly starting a Mumsnet thread to vent. Shock

Bluesmartiesarebest · 16/06/2018 10:44

Can your DH or DP do the party drop off? You can probably guess which other children are invited based on who the child plays with, so could you ask another Mum to help out? Does it really matter if you miss part of the event?

I think it’s unlikely the party Mum will say no to you, but it’s a bit cheeky to ask. I didn’t like it when people did this to me unless it was an emergency situation such as a hospital admission.

angryburd · 16/06/2018 10:45

Not sure how asking another parent to take him early/keep him late is any less cheeky than asking the host if they can drop him off early...

pinkbraces · 16/06/2018 10:48

I have no idea why so many of you think this is a CF thing to do.

Just ask, it’s such a small favour. I can’t get my head round why anyone would think it a problem.

FrayedHem · 16/06/2018 10:53

The invite came home yesterday and they need an RSVP by Monday as the party is on Saturday. I don't think the OP asking will cause the party host to cry all over her copy of Debrett's Etiquette Guide.

OP has had the party child over to her's before, so whilst they don't have a close friendship, it's not the first time they've had some form of communication.

Starlight345 · 16/06/2018 10:53

At 8 she will have a good idea who this girls friends are.

Noboozeforme · 16/06/2018 10:54

Do it. I wouldn't mind in the slightest if someone asked me the same.

C0untDucku1a · 16/06/2018 10:55

Id have no issue with a child coming a little early to a party.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/06/2018 10:57

Not sure why asking another parent is any less cheeky

I'd think you'd ask a parent you were on friendly terms with, who knew your child and who didn't have a party to organise on that day with a truckload of excited 8 year olds to entertain for 4 hours.

Asking someone you've never spoken to before for a favour is a little off really if there are other options.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 16/06/2018 11:00

I've had kids arrive early tons of times, and/or stay late. It's a blessing as it keeps birthday child distracted whilst you get stuff ready.

Here is a radical and novel idea. Ring the party host parent up and talk about it.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 16/06/2018 11:05

It's 30mins, so I don't think it's CF to ask at all, especially with a carefully worded get out for party mum. You're not asking for him to be dropped off at breakfast time and adults need to be able to say no if it's not convenient or accept they have said yes.

I'd absolutely would be fine with this and in fact had a similar situation with DD's after school party. I suggested a 4pm start time so kids could go home and get changed but a couple of mums asked if they could drop straight from school. Was totally fine, they got changed at our house, played with DD until the others arrived (basically allowed me to get organised without DD under my feet). DD was 7yo at the time so perfectly fine to play in her room for 45mins with a couple of friends.

A little gift or a playdate invitation would of course be lovely.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 16/06/2018 11:11

It’s a kids birthday party, at home, the way some people are carrying on you’d think it was another royal wedding and someone was asking to sleep over at BP 🤣

Just ask.

It’s really not a big deal, or even a small one.

PorkFlute · 16/06/2018 11:14

I think it would be more polite to explain that you have an event and ask who else is going so you can see if they can drop off/pick up your child. They may well say you can drop off early/pick up late but they have an ‘easy out’ if they’re not ok with it - they can just pass on the other parents names as requested.
If you ask outright it comes across as you using the fact that it would be awkward for them to say no to get what you want.

SheSparkles · 16/06/2018 11:15

I wouldn’t have minded this when my dc had parties, as others have said it could be a positive advantage for my dc to have a friend there early to occupy them!

CheeseyToast · 16/06/2018 11:16

Omg a couple of parents did this to me and I said NO. Crikey the last person in the world who wants to mind your child is the birthday party host 🙄