To ask to drop DC at a party early?

[TrickyTrickTrick]

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

And if I was the party parent, having someone arriving half an hour early would be infinitely preferable than having to decide which other person might be able to drop OP’s child.

I really don’t get this Mumsnet thing about doing other people small favours. Why wouldn’t you do something small that makes someone else’s life easier?

I would happily do it at a house party for a good friend if the kids could easily be ignored to get on while I prepared.

Well I’d sooner rsvp a day late and be rude in that sense, that what you are planning.

So you've got an opportunity through all of today and this evening to find out?

Dds friends parents brought their dd 45 mins early a couple of years ago with the excuse they were going out. She’s an only child. I would have been perfectly happy had they asked. My jaw hit the floor at the affrontery of just arriving.

Mots message definitely isn’t asking to drop your child off early and collect them late. As the parent if I received the message, I would probably tell you to drop off early.

I would happily agree to this if we were having an at home party and have done. It is no bother and the birthday child would be happy to have an early guest.

I would be fine with this if I knew the child well and they were a close friend of the birthday DC. I can imagine one of my close friends asking this but not an acquaintance to be honest.

Just ring her

I'd be happy for someone to ask and would oblige, we've done it several times.
It's not CF it's completely normal.
CF is if you drop and run early without asking.
In fact when I found out that DSs friends parents couldn't drive and so they were getting the bus to ours (he goes to school in closest town we live in a village) I offered lifts.
People who have arranged to come early Keep my DS occupied whilst I'm doing last minute prep.
I would however have a talk with DS about being helpful and not getting under hosts feet, if they said yes.

At least you're asking.

I'm a child's party veteran and in my experience there are always a few parents who drop their children early with no explanation, leave siblings at the party and are up to an hour late picking them up because "Gosh sorry, we lost track of time/ thought it finished at 6pm haha"

For one memorable party, my son's friend turned up with his two older brothers who informed me that "our mum says make sure we get lots to eat because she doesn't want to do tea when we get home.

Absolutely fine to ask.....

Any reasonable person would help you out OP given that you'd already bought the tickets for event and that you'd only been given a weeks notice for the party.

Just ask.

“In fact when I found out that DSs friends parents couldn't drive and so they were getting the bus to ours (he goes to school in closest town we live in a village) I offered lifts.“

Blimey. How did you sneak into Mumsnet? Didn’t you do the admissions test?

No you can't do this. Is there a DH /DP it is not clear from OP ? If so then one of you does the party the other the event or tell your DS they can't go. I would consider this CF terroritory.

It’s OK to ask, and it is OK for her to say No. no big deal at all

This is true on Mumsnet, but in real life it is totally possible that op will ask, Birthday mum will agree (because she is quiet and shy and not confrontational).
Birthday mum will find it an imposition and make a few gentle, ‘can you believe this...’ comments among the peers mums.
OP will be the CF mum, but never know about it as Birthday mum said yes when she was painted into a corner.

Equally possible she wouldn’t mind at all, but with the level of relationship described in the OP, I wouldn’t.

IF you do go ahead and ask this OP, Maybe a nice gift for mum as a thank you for the childcare for being so accommodating would be a nice touch?

Because if you ask, she WILL say yes.

Just ask OP. I wouldn’t have been bothered at all if someone had asked me for one of dds parties.

Can’t understand all of the “don’t do that” “they’ll be frazzled” blah blah! Really?!

I wouldn't think twice about asking or about saying yes if I was asked. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Just ask... I really wouldn't have an issue with this as the host, in fact it might keep the birthday child occupied while hosts are making final preparations.

Actually, i’ve thought of the perfect Mumsnet solution. Get all offended because you’ve only had a week’s notice for the party, text the mother “No is a complete sentence”, march up to her at the school gate on Monday (she will be one of a clique, I guarantee) and say “Did you mean to be so rude?” then plan a whole class party for your child and not invite hers. That should sort it.

Can’t understand all of the “don’t do that” “they’ll be frazzled” blah blah! Really?!

Of course you can! You are just showboating, pretending you can’t possibly comprehend it... so as to imply you would never find a kids party frazzling and pass judgement on those who do.

I agree you should text and ask who else is going. She will either tell you or say you can drop off early. That way you aren't putting her in a position where she feels she can't say no.

Are you not friendly with any of the mums of those likely to be going so you can check direct though? Surely your DD will have an idea of who has been invited.

I wouldn’t mind if someone asked me this. It’s only 30 minutes and the party is at home so they could just send the kids upstairs while they finishing getting ready if they need the time. I’ve had parties at my house and by 30 mins before everything would be done and DD would be bouncing off the walls so an early guest would be very welcome as a distraction.

Bertrand

Why not offer to repay the favour? Suggest her son comes over to yours next Saturday for the afternoon.

For me this would depend on how your son behaves generally. If he's usually quite hyper and prone to spirited behaviour I'd say No to your request. If he's quiet and sensible and needs little supervision, then great he can play with my son while I get the party ready.