To ask to drop DC at a party early?

[TrickyTrickTrick]

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

"i don't want to so i don't have to" is a little bit shitty though, man or woman. Sure you don't have to, but a world where everyone adopts this approach would be a bit bleak. Surely there's a middle ground between doormat and selfish fucker?

MN is a funny place sometimes. I would absolutely have said yes to this when my DDs were having a party. It means the birthday child is being entertained while last minute prep is being undertaken. Win all round.

I don’t think I have ever said this before, but this really isn’t a feminist issue. It’s a human issue.

Of course there is a middle ground between doormat and selfish fucker. And saying "no" because you are already doing stuff like arranging and hosting a party that day occupies that middle ground.

When I see as many men as women organising children and their parties, I will agree that this is a "human" issue.

Surely there's a middle ground between doormat and selfish fucker?

Of course there is. This thread is full of perfectly good examples.

I've said upthread that I wouldn't mind doing it, but I'm able to understand perfectly well that other people have reasons why they wouldn't want to. What gives me the right to judge them for it?

I'm finding the slightly hyperbolic 'what hope is there for us all/bleak world' comments odder than someone not wanting an extra kid around when they're getting a party ready though.

Too much judging going on. A person who says no might do a thousand kind things for other people all year round, who knows?

I don’t think I have ever said this before, but this really isn’t a feminist issue. It’s a human issue.

Agree totally. Man or woman, if you can help someone out in any way and it isn't going to impact you greatly or at all then saying yes is the right response.

I cant see the issue with asking at all

But it's been 2 hours since the sent text ...
'Chews nails waiting '

You could try. She could always say no. Only thing is she might be stressing about getting party set up etc. If I were hosting a kids party, I'd rather have a kid come early rather than not at all!

cheto the message hasn't been read yet (i keep checking because you lot are making me paranoid!!)

@TrickyTrickTrick I just want her to say yes..then all the oddness on here can stop

I agree it's in the middle ground if you'd be stressed out. I was addressing a previous poster who said no one should have to put themselves out for anyone.

For a close friend I wouldn’t have a problem. For your request I would probably try to accommodate ( having checked with party child if they wanted it which would be met with a resounding yes). For a child I had never met personally ( so no previous play date) I would probably do it but be a bit reluctant

I have been asked similar and accommodated without a second thought. For me, my thoughts were.. well the house is tidy so ready for guests ✅ DC will have some company waiting for the party to start ✅ DC would rather this than not have friend at party.

I'm sure it will be ok

@TrickyTrickTrick I just want her to say yes..then all the oddness on here can stop wink

Well not really, then we can bicker about whether she is saying yes to be nice or because it genuinely isn’t a problem.

@NotTakenUsername ah yes... silly me, I thought that would be the end of it

Ive been asked this a few tines and once asked and its never been a problem. Children love having a friend or two about in build up to party. We so tend to be lax on pickup times.. if people want / need to pick up a bit late so be it ( though we always try to pick up on time ourselves as not everyone deels the same way)

Bloody hell some of you on here are hard work.

Of course you can ask. As long as it's done politely with no expectations, and explain it's not a problem if not but will be unable to attend, it's fine.

For a good friend who I knew party child wanted to be there I wouldn’t have an issue with your request. I really don’t think it’s a big deal to ask either as long as you explain the reason.

It’s worth an ask. Some people like to help, and it makes them feel more comfortable asking for help if they ever need it. Might be a bit of a welcome distraction to have one friend there a bit early, as kids sometimes get a bit twitchy waiting for their party to start.

You did right texting
If it were me id rather your DC was there than not and be more than happy for him to come round early
It's only half n hour

Sorry, longestlurkerever! - I got swept up in outrage!

well i have a reply.......drumroll......

party mum says its absolutely fine for me to drop DC early. the phrasing would lead me to believe she means that and is not just saying yes because she feels she has to.

And i cannot believe this thread went on for over 300 posts!!!

Hurray for normality!!!!