To ask to drop DC at a party early?

[TrickyTrickTrick]

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

I accept it's not an unusual way to think - I said upthread that my MIL is classic for it and expects you to be a mind reader because she won't give a straight answer to anything - but I still think it's weird and unhelpful.

As a party hosting mum I would have been delighted to have the OP's child. I always used to hate it when people couldn't come. I was definitely 'the more the merrier' type.

But given how you feel ILost, (and there's nothing wrong with that) would you send out invites on a Friday with a Monday RSVP for a party happening on the Saturday?

So based on this thread I have about 33.3% chance of it being ok, 33.3% chance of her saying ok but being a bit annoyed about it and 33.3% chance of her now thinking i am the biggest CF going and her marching on here to make a thread about this totally unreasonable parent who's child desperately wanted to come to her kid's party!

And zero chance of her saying no? ;-) I wonder what the odds would be if it were dads texting? I'm glad you texted OP!

I see your predicament and she might be fine with it. But I get very stressed out in the last hour before a party and if someone asked me to have their child in here in the middle of the getting ready mayhem I would have a stroke. 😖
Though maybe if they could stay out of the way in another room playing it would be ok.
Good luck. Xx

How hard is it really so get such a request. Either “yep no problem” or “sorry can’t help out”.

I would and have had kids over early to help people out. Nor would I expect a favour in return. There seems to be a strange culture whereby favours are only given if you can get something back.

I’m amused at all the hyperbole over the stress and hassle of a small child’s birthday. It’s a kid’s party. How stressful can it be?!

Having their 8 year old for half an hour? Barely registers on the favour radar.. Having their 8 year old for half an hour so my child can have his friend at his party? Not evenonthe radar

In fact, everything Bertrand said.

I'm with bertrand This thread is kinda depressing. That said, I feel pretty sure that Tricky will have a positive outcome, and the birthday child will be happy that your dc made a real effort to come to the party. Good luck!

FrayedHem It is a bit disorganised to issue invitations just a few days before the event I agree.
I wonder if some children couldn't make it and OP's son has been asked sort of last minute? That has happened to my dc before which is fine but explains the late invite.

I don't hold out much hope of this mother getting RSVPs promptly on Monday. IME that never happens!

longestlurker the final option would be a no, because if they are coming to make a thread and know what a CF is they will also know that no is a complete sentence and will probably have followed it up with a later text enquiring if i meant to be so rude!

Ooh I'd kind of respect them if they sent you a flat out "no".

This thread is kinda depressing

There are God knows how many threads on MN that are genuinely 'depressing.' This, for me, about the 'depressing' reality that SOME parents might not be happy about a kid turning up early for a party, to paraphrase Bertrand, this barely registers on my 'depressing' radar.

ilost i would be suprised if DC is a 'b-list' invite, DC mentions this child often and DC was invited last year too.

I’d ask and I’d also be fine if someone asked me the favour.

Those who have said they find the thread depressing have not said it's depressing that someone might not want a child coming over early. We've said it's depressing that asking a favour is social death.

Oh ok I thought he might be B list

In that case bearing in mind there's a local event on and the invitations are just out (some probably still undiscovered at the bottom of book folders) I hope it's not just your son that turns up.
That would be an anti climax

Jesus... so now the kid is a b list afterthought ?? What is wrong with u people ?

yes I think bertrand nails my feeling on it too!

although her ''favour radar' makes me want to paraphrase Friends - 'you're so far past the radar you can't even see the radar - the radar is a dot to you!'

Actually, I think it's pretty depressing that anyone would say no to another child coming to a party half an hour early, to be honest. It's such a non-event.

Yes there is no harm in asking, it is only half an hour, you WBVVVU just to drop the child without asking.

Social Death that's always my worst fear.

I worry about what others might think of me so from my point of view I'd rather not ask someone I didn't know very well a favour unless I really didn't have any other option. I'd be concerned that they'd be a bit put out. That's all.

I'm sure it'll all be fine.

My feeling is that if she does think it a massive issue or that OP is a CF then she wouldn't be someone whose opinion is worth bothering about anyway.

But you should be able to refuse (for reasons which you’re not obliged to share) without being told you’re “not normal” or a great big old meanie, Bertrand
Op talks about how her ds is desperate to attend the party, but she doesn’t want to put herself out by missing part of this event she’s so determined to attend.
Maybe her ds thinks she’s a great big old meanie too?

Haha, Dungeon. That was a joke, right?

Actually, yes, you can ask but you need to be delicate. Don't assume it can be done and you'll have more luck. Lay out the problem, and couch it in "Look, I appreciate this is a bit cheeky and is totally OK for you to say no if it's a pain, but.." language and it'll probably be OK.