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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to drop DC at a party early?

440 replies

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:07

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

OP posts:
Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 17:42

iamagreyhound nothing to do with not wanting to put myself out but i have several other DC to consider, an event we are already booked to attend. if DS wasn't desperate to go it would have been an easy no. as it is i will still have to pull DH off his section at the event to mind the other DC for 45mins while i go and collect DC from the party - hardly not putting myself out!

OP posts:
raviolidreaming · 16/06/2018 17:42

Ooh I'd kind of respect them if they sent you a flat out "no"

Really? OP is trying to accommodate the child's birthday party without completely fucking up her own family's plans. If she can't be flexible for what will almost certainly be 30 minutes of unsupervised screen time / garden play - unless there's a genuine reason - then that's just... well, it is depressing.

Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 17:44

busybarbara that's the tone i took.

if i do just get a flat 'no' then i will know she is a MNer for sure!!

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 16/06/2018 17:51

Really? OP is trying to accommodate the child's birthday party without completely fucking up her own family's plans. If she can't be flexible for what will almost certainly be 30 minutes of unsupervised screen time / garden play - unless there's a genuine reason - then that's just... well, it is depressing.

I was joking - it was a response to the OP saying if they were a MNer they'd know "no is a complete sentence". But I've spent the thread arguing that it's people's inability to say no that has caused all the drama about asking a favour that's more than likely fine - so if the OP got a single word "no" response I'd have to be impressed!

BottleOfJameson · 16/06/2018 17:52

I'd be fine with someone dropping off early and collecting later. I'm always stressed that DC's friends won't come to his party and I understand it's a hassle for parents to drop off etc. so I'd much rather someone asked than just didn't come to the party.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 17:52

It is depressing that some of you think the OP shouldn't ask maybe because you would say no in these circumstances.

It's 30 minutes. I'm baffled that anyone said no to be honest let alone that amount that has done.

Some of you come across as really uptight, bet you're a bundle of fun to live with!

couchparsnip · 16/06/2018 17:55

I have been asked if kids can walk home from school with us for a party beginning at 5. I didn't mind because DDs friend would have been unable to come otherwise. Hopefully party mum is of a similar opinion.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/06/2018 17:58

Fair enough, op.
My whole argument is not that it’s an outrageous thing to actually do for someone else, but all the “we must be kind, people. It’s depressing that anyone wouldn’t fall over themselves to help everyone who asks, and I despair of mankind that that it isn’t so” posts are bloody ridiculous.
I’ll help out when I can, but I reserve the right not to want to without feeling like some sort of socially challenged Neanderthal.

Branleuse · 16/06/2018 18:02

if she replies with "DID YOU MEAN TO BE SO RUDE" then youll definitely know

Ginseng1 · 16/06/2018 18:04

Those who say they'd 'freak out' if they had to have a child a half hour early or later- for crying out loud it's a kids b day party!!! Its hardly an unusual request to be honest I've done it both ways. They 8 they just go off n play!!!

Dungeondragon15 · 16/06/2018 18:05

Haha, Dungeon. That was a joke, right?

No it isn't. Anyone who would make such a big deal out of a request for such a small favour isn't someone who's opinion I would care about. So if she thought I was a CF I wouldn't care.

BakedBeans47 · 16/06/2018 18:05

I don’t think I’d mind, it’s only 30 mins and the kids can just play together

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 18:05

Can't say I saw any of those types of threads Iamgrey, more like people just saying that of course they would help out because in actual fact it wasn't a huge favour at all.

longestlurkerever · 16/06/2018 18:07

greyhound - it's not even really about being kind though really. Just community-minded. What goes around comes around kind of thing. And at the very least open to a request. You're the one that said it was the epitome of rude to even ask, which struck many as hyperbole.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/06/2018 18:10

Yes it probably was Grin. I do tend to exaggerate, ever so slightly...

NorthernKnickers · 16/06/2018 18:26

Blimey...anyone would think that the OP is trying to sell her DC off on eBay or something 🙄. This is only 30 minutes she's asking for...it's hardly even a favour really...the party Mum won't even notice (if she's normal...like most mums out here in the real world!!)

Hope you find a solution OP xx

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/06/2018 18:28

I don't find this thread depressing at all. Women are socialised to "be nice"Hmm even when it is inconvenient to them or they simply don't want to. I am glad that some women recognise this and are bucking the trend.ThanksSmile

longestlurkerever · 16/06/2018 18:31

Women are socialised to "be nice"hmm even when it is inconvenient to them or they simply don't want to. I am glad that some women recognise this and are bucking the trend.

But this is exactly why I find it depressing too, from the other perspective. People are so worried about seeming nice that they are angry at others for putting them in a position where they might potentially seem not nice (by saying no).

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 18:32

I think if something is inconvenient then you say no sorry can't help, but this situation isn't one of them. It's a none issue, saying no just because you don't want to have the child 30 mins earlier with no real reason makes you plain odd.

Branleuse · 16/06/2018 18:33

it always worth considering whether a request is rude, but i dont think that should go so far as to being frightened to ask someone for help sometimes as long as you accept it if they say no or look/sound uneasy about it.
Its when people dont take no for an answer, or ask for help constantly that its taking the piss. Not situations like this

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/06/2018 18:36

GreatDuckCookery, we have no idea if this situation is or is not convenient for the party mum.Confused

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 18:39

My post was in response to you saying that it's good that people are bucking the trend by saying they don't want to help out.

If you genuinely don't have a reason to say no but go ahead anyway, that is odd.

HotSauceCommittee · 16/06/2018 18:44

I would be happy to do it provided:

1: your kid isn’t a pain in the arse

And

2: your boy will either entertain the party boy and not bother the host or help out with little jobs.

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/06/2018 18:44

Not really. Not wanting to do something is a good enough reason to say "no". Women should not have to justify refusal or say "yes" because society expects them to "be nice".

Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 18:47

my DC is most definitely a pain in the arse, but apparently only with me! last time DC went to this child's house to play the parent made a point of telling me how well behaved he was, how polite and that she would love to have DC back again. (nearly fell over on the spot and had to resist asking if she was sure she was talking about the right child!!)

I'm sure DC and party child would happily play in the garden - they like to make bug houses together apparently!

OP posts: