If you were allowed to be unreasonable

[WingsofNylon]

What three things would you do?

I would:
fire anyone (not just in my work but everywhere) that ever uttered the phrase "I am not being funny, but..."

insist that my next door neighbours move and the old lovely ones come back.

tell people when they are boring me.

Ban anyone from walking or driving past my house between 7pm and 7am.
Evict next door neighbours and have a family of light footed mutes move in who are away a lot.
Get about 7 more dogs

Put the entire Conservative parliamentary party adrift on a (sinking) offshore island made of rubbish, too far away from Europe to swim.

Re-run the Brexit vote, at the personal expense of the crooks who lied first time around.

Pack up dd, and the campervan, sod my job and her school and just go travelling.

If I'm allowed 4, cancel all credit card debt if you can't remember what you spent it on.

I wonder if neighbours will be a consistent theme?

Sleep with several colleagues

Talk broad Lancashire, prolific swearing included, at all times at work

Move cities

I would sell up and move to a tiny cottage in north Cornwall and make some shabby chic shit from driftwood and fleece tourists.
Not sure where the rest of my family would live though. I’d take the cats.

halfwit I have a friend who already does everything on your list. Things don't go very well for her.

Put the entire Conservative parliamentary party adrift on a (sinking) offshore island made of rubbish, too far away from Europe to swim.

That is not unreasonable!

Crikey wings really?

Must be my alter ego

I would live by the phrase "my way or the highway"
I'd ban people playing loud music anywhere.

Would also live in the middle of no where with just my family. No neighbours!!

Sleep with loads of men for the hell of it

Eat junk food pretty much every day

Try heroin

Move to the countryside and claim the dole and deal weed for a living and open an unofficial animal rescue

Get some implants, fake tan and nails, hair and lash extensions and see what it feels like to hit the town like that

Make people talking at the bus stop outside either talk much quieter or talk louder so I can actually hear whose character they are assassinating without annoying "and whisper whisper whisper" "OMG she didn't"

Extremely annoying when you're laying in bed just chilling!

Remove the bark switch from ndn's dogs.

Tell SIL what I really think of her. Actually both SILs come to think of it

Lock Charles Horton into one of his own trains, back it into a siding and leave it there.

Drop my exh from a great height into a field of land mines..
Tell my mil's friend's exactly how she treated me +dh..
And the next driver who does 40 in a 60 limit I would like to tell them to press the fucking accelerator.

Prevent everyone from driving journeys of less than two miles

Reverse the calorie content of food, so celery is loaded with calories but cake has almost none!

Say what I think!

Ban owning a dog unless you’ve passed a test
Ban smoking everywhere
Ban political apathy

I would ban all of my neighbours, including my landlord, from having any dogs because they shit all over my lovely garden and no one ever picks it up!!

I would make it illegal to make anyone work every evening and weekend - employers would be legally required to create a rota for employees that gives them at least 50% of evenings, bank holidays and weekends off, or they are compensated 200x their salary or hourly rate.

I would also make it illegal to have those stupid air blowy hand dryer things in toilets, and provide towels, etc instead!

Insist the lady who owns upstairs hands me the deeds to her flat.

Insist the bank loan me 50k interest free for 25 years.

Both of which would enable me to convert into one big house.

Lastly, demand healthy calorie controlled meals are delivered to me three times a day so I can slim without temptation or thought.

I would ban anyone from using the phrase 'little man'

Never wash a pair of socks again, fresh socks for me every day.

Oh, and advocate for world peace and education for all.

Skip the 10 month NHS queue to see the consultant I need

Finish work but do the odd day “consulting” for an enormous fee

Tell Maureen in the office to stop moaning because everyone is fed up with hearing about her nonexistent medical issues and whatever homeopathic herbal shite she’s currently favouring

A lot of these things arent actually unreasonable. Stick to the brief people!

I was unreasonable, I did tell MIL what I thought of her, but I’d do it again with SIL .

Have complete control over who lives within 100m from my door.

Personally vet all my son’s tutors at every school he attends from Reception in September to university 😬 .

Tell all NT people to fuck off.

Tell people not to talk to me in that way with people who take a tone (there is one woman at work who is very, very close to this, she's not on my team but loves and wants to create an us v them feeling).