If you were allowed to be unreasonable

[WingsofNylon]

What three things would you do?

I would:
fire anyone (not just in my work but everywhere) that ever uttered the phrase "I am not being funny, but..."

insist that my next door neighbours move and the old lovely ones come back.

tell people when they are boring me.

Ban tattoos and fake bright hair. I don't like seeing them out of the corner of my eye.

Go back to having shops shut on a Sunday so more people can have a rest.

Ban fox hunting, badger culls and anything that will threaten our natural wildlife.

Sack all the womenswear buyers at M&S and poach from John Lewis and Boden and similar.

"Shoot Harry Hill" I am finding this too funny.

I would:

Force tight arse people to help out those in need.

Make someone slim who I don't like absorb all my fat.

Sod off all my responsibilities, go travelling and enjoy my life without feeling guilty.

I love the fat absorbing one!

@Mookie81 every time I get annoyed with someone, I imagine myself transferring my wobbly bits over to them very immature but funny. For example, my saggy belly attached to their forehead or chin

Today at work I met a new colleague who was amazingly gorgeous. For those who watch the walking dead, he looked like Negan ( Jeffrey Dean Morgan)
After our chit chat about best place for a coffee, parking etc. I would if I wasn't the reasonable, upstanding citizen that I am, have told him in great detail what I would like to do to/with/on him. Twice.

I would ban cyclists.

I would knock my neighbours door and tell her that I think she's a twat.

I would also ban the entire world from eating meat.

I would force anyone who has "bath" in block letters in their bathroom to rip out the bath by hand and install a shower.

Just drive into cars whose drivers are annoying me. Like dodgems.

Tread on the toes of toddlers who faff about in shops /streets/public and wander into my path

Key random cars just for the wilful destructive satisfaction

I’m fed up with too many people in my workplace having the same first name. I keep getting mixed up and sending emails to the wrong person. I’d implement a system whereby if when you started there was already a Dave you’d be given a choice of Donald, Derek or Daphne (or whatever other D names were not already in use) as your work name. It’s quite a big company but fortunately very ethnically diverse so I don’t think we’d have too much trouble finding enough names for everyone.

Shoot Harry Hill

^ yes, yes, yes

Never do another bit of housework again.

To be allowed to punch every person who pisses me off for whatever reason in the face.

To be able to chap people's door and have them give me a tour of their house because I really love seeing inside other people's houses ( I don't know why), or insist they keep their curtains open and lights on so I can at least get a good nosey at their decor.

Tell my boss that I am, in fact, more capable and intelligent than him so he should shut the fuck up and stop telling me things I already know.

Call up an old family friend and tell the truth about why I cancelled my wedding (she's a friend of ex's mum so I'm certain she got a boatload of lies).

Steal all the graphic novels I've ever wanted. They're too expensive yet quick to read so I can't keep up with buying them.

The following would become criminal offences;

man buns, esp. on middle-aged men
men who wear shoes without socks. And sandals with socks.
no men over 65 are allowed to wear jeans.

I would make everyone who complains about emigrants swap lifestyles for a month and do one of the shitty jobs emigrants are often forced to do.
I would insist that Emmerdale have to check with me before they go ahead with any storyline.
I would reverse the smoking ban to piss off everyone who complains about people who smoke outside in smoking areas.

Lols, I love your smoking one jane. I'd happily swap any of mine for that.

It would be illegal to have your front garden full of rubbish and weeds. In fact, even to have a bleak paved desert - you'd have to have some planting.
Anyone who did major house renovations would have to have an open day for the neighbours!
Bus passengers who can climb stairs would be made to fill seats on the upper deck instead of everyone cramming in on the lower deck and blocking stairs and exits.

Tell the people I work with exactly what I thought of them
Park wherever I like whenever I like
Stop considering other people's feelings

Set fire to all cars parked on and over drives

Cut the feet off adults who cycle on pavements

Ban all cars

Ban all eating at desks

Insist that fair weather MAMILS cycle also in the dead of winter like the rest of us

Have a massive rave in the field at the end of the road with massive sound system and dance all night. Take loads of class A drugs and then sit by the stream all day smoking weed and drinking cider with my old pals.

Take an extended holiday and only come back when my 21 month old dd is 3 or 4.

Cut down neighbour's eucalyptus (we don't live in Australia).

Point out to the TA in DS's nursery school that she should be supervising her charge properly to ensure that other children do not get repeatedly bitten.

Spend the next 3 months island hopping alone in Greece.

Tell my mother what I really think of her.

Emigrate (for family reasons) and dodge the immigration laws.

Like a pp - never do housework again.

Permanently impound all the big lorries that illegally use the C road I drive on nearly every weekday. I'm sick of having to practically drive into the hedgerow because some monster truck is taking up half my side of the road.

Shoot the fuckers who drive along said road at 38mph in a 50 limit.

Ban anyone in my street and any adjoining street from having building work done on a Saturday morning.

Make all libraries stay open from 9am -7pm, 6 days a week.

Reform the tax system nearly proposed something reasonable there.

Cut the feet off adults who cycle on pavements

Yes to this one!

Like the library one Lakie! Our only local library is in a school, and only open during school hours, and DD will only read books once. It's expensive keeping up with her, and we have a houseful of books she'll never read again.

Slash the tyres on my neighbour’s motorbike that he never rides other than up and down our cul-de-sac for half an hour at the same time every day after spending half an hour revving it on his driveway

That’s it, I don’t need 3