My mother has informed me I am to be disinherited

[Piecatcher]

This afternoon I phoned my parents (spoke to my mum) to ask about arrangements for Father’s Day this weekend. Before I could speak, she told me that she is going to her lawyers this afternoon to sign her will. Apparently I’ve not to expect anything but my sister and my 2 sons will be very well looked after.

I am unsure what to do with this information. I am incredibly upset at being cast aside like this but not because of the lack of money. I find it so hurtful that my parents think so little of me that they would do this and given that we have a good relationship and are in regular contact I don’t understand why. She made a similar statement a few years ago and when I asked her why she was doing this, she told me that all I care about is money and called me mean and selfish. I’ve tried speaking to my dad who tells me I’m too sensitive and my mum is only joking.

How should I proceed with this? There have been many other similar incidents over the years and I’m now considering cutting contact as I find it hard to deal with the hurt and confusion her comments cause. AIBU reasonable to do this? How should I proceed?

Assuming there is no truth to what she says, I'd be done with her to be honest. That's just mean.

Are you financially secure but your sister not? I think it's ok to to give people different amounts depending on wealth though I know that's not the done thing on MN>

I can understand the hurt but why does everyone expect a part of their parents will. Greed all the way. Spending time with your family should be its own reward.

It's not the money itself, it's what it represents about the family relationships.

No one is entitled to an inheritance.

I would ignore as others have said. OMG why did she say it in the first place though other than to grind your gears?

Ignore, and say nothing. The more you react the better these types of people feel IMO.

Check your legal rights. In Scotland it's illegal to disinherit your children.

I agree with Cornishclio.

I would make the point that you are upset not about the money, but about being treated differently from your other family members. Of course it is only money, but of course you feel funny -- her decision reflects how she feels about you. It's also telling that she has chosen to make you aware of it now.

On some level, does she want you to cut contact over this? Would it give her an excuse to say that you were only interested in money?

I would probably be inclined cut contact, but being very clear that it is not about money but about being treated equally. You would be happier to be left very little money, but the same sum left to your sister, than to inherit lots of money but in an unequal distribution. I think this is totally understandable.

Does your sister have kids? That’s the only way I could see it being fair- that she is splitting their money - half to your sister and the other half to your children.
I’d be happy with that.
In fact I’d rather my parents spilt their money equally between grandchildren- but that is because I have four and my sister only one! And her in laws are rich whereas mine are mean/poor...

Does your sister have children? If not, could it be that she wants her money to skip a generation and would do the same to your sister?

This is horrible. People only tell their children this to yank their chains and if they're in Agatha Christie novels it rarely ends well for them. I'd treat the incident as if it hadn't happened at all, and if it happens again, tell her that she's at perfect liberty to dispose of her property however she likes.

Its this " greedy " attitude that fuels people being scared to ask about Wills, I WISH it was law to make one.

I totally agree you shouldn't spend time with family just to get the money! Of course you should care for them but someone people are hard to like and care for.

DH parents are hideous, they have treated dh so badly compared to his dsis, they should not expect him or me to care what the fuck happens to them as they get older, and I hope dh doesnt expect any money from them either.

Is it a compliment? Because you have made your own way and don't need the money, whereas your sons and sister do?

I would just ignore it. If she mentions it again, ok thanks for informing me. Leave it there no emotion no questions. She’s playing with you and does so because she gets a reaction just like children in the playground. Just pretend at least to not care.

You could be equally childish and say -

thanks for informing me, I am not sure what response you expect from me, but should father pass first and your left in the old folks home with no one to visit you - dont expect me or my boys too.

It is hurtful. Its designed to be. Next time tell her to do what she likes and end the conversation. When she knows she's not yanking you, she'll stop.

pie does your DF share her views because I dont understand why he wouldn't either be more reassuring over it or - be more explanatory about it.

It's a silly spiteful thing to say, don't rise to it, like others have said it will probably all go to some carehome owner anyway. If she mentions it again either ignore it completely or say that's nice, glad you got it all sorted.

" I don't mind who you leave your money to as it is your money - but it hurts that I am being treated differently to my sister and that you value me less. I need time to come to terms with this so I won't be seeing you for a while"
Then make sure that the times you would have spent visiting you treat yourself/go somewhere nice with your DC.

YY booelles....

and say the same to your dad - that he may think its a funny joke but thats how you feel

Could be a sign of dementia ?

Greed all the way. Spending time with your family should be its own reward

Where's the reward in hanging out with someone who says they are disenheriting you because they see you as morally inferiour to your sister?

Are you and your sister very different? Has she enjoyed telling her friends that your sister got a first at Oxford, married a doctor and only has one child where as spent your youth high on drink and drugs married a bin man and have 8 kids?

No advice but I understand how you must be feeling. I have an aunt who spent most of her time telling me I was in or out of the will. "I'm going to the solicitors" was a favourite threat. I didn't want her money - she has children and grandchild who should have her money.

Put her in the worst old people’s home you can find and use her precious money to pay for it.

^ semi-joking obviously. But she does sound terrible and I would struggle not to remind her where the power actually lies. I’m sorry you have to put up with her, OP 💐

My dad will defend her no matter what. I think I’ll need to speak to him to find out if it’s true or not and then take it from there? I’m not up for forgetting about it or ignoring it. It’s hurtful, I find it upsetting and I’m not willing to put up with it anymore.

I think the context in which it was said is very telling- had she sat you down and explained that she wanted her inheritance to go to the DGC and that she'd be splitting it between your DC's and your sis as she doesn't have any then fine. But she hasn't, she's been nasty about it. I'd bring it up again when you are together and alone with them if possible and tell her that whilst it's her right to put whatever she likes in her will you felt it hurtful how she went about it. If she won't respond or makes it jokey I'd go jokey right back at her as pp's have said and make jokes about cheapest possible care if needed etc. If she doesn't like that 'but we're joking! Why are you so sensitive?!' Etc is perfectly reasonable to chuck right back at her.

YANBU. I cut contact with my mother after she told me I was disowned and 'no child of mine' when I defied her orders to vote Conservative. I was 38 at the time. I still rang their house but always spoke to my dad. When mum died, dad became a close friend and I was 'undisinherited' officially!

I suspect there is more to this story than the OP has revealed.