To have ignored my neighbour?

[Cheery1004]

I've lived in my property for just over a year now. He is in the house next to mine. Over the year we have just exchanged a couple of hellos.
His ora just unsettles me.

Recently I pulled up he was outside I walked around to get.my son in the car, he hi. I got my son out turned around and he was waiting in his drive for me. Started going on about my son getting bigger.

A few weeks back I pulled up and I sent a quick text he tapped on my window and asked if I could help jump start his car. I said yes obviously as it was the nice thing to do. We couldn't get it started and he said something was wrong with my connection (it werent) so someone else pulled up and I asked him if he could help after saying to my neighbour numerous times oh maybe he can help you. As my son was asleep in the car and it was a hot day! I felt like he could have asked other people pulling up.
He then said thanks and he would trim my garden for me. I just said Thanks but not to worry that's not needed.

My DF then put up a gate for me and DS. He popped up and peered over the fence, spoke a tiny bit but was mainly being nosy. He then commented about me doing hard graft like he knew me. Both my parents said they felt awkward and he reminded them of a creepy relative we have. I agreed because that is who he reminds me of!
Just now I went outside to empty the Hoover and banged the filter outside for all of 30 secs. He appears at the fence and says if you're gonna bang it bang it and laughed. I just walked off and went inside.

AIBU to have ignored him? I value my privacy. And don't want to feel like every time I go outside he is about to make a comment. He is only a lodger and said he hasn't lived here for long but he was here before I moved in.

OP, I agree that his behaviour sounds creepy. As others have said, trust your instinct. I also agree with what karyatide said, I saw that other post on the 60+ man who wouldn't leave his 20-something woman neighbour alone. I would say this guy is still at the boundary testing stage, so let him know your boundaries. And don't take any notice of some of the rudeness here from posters who say you are weird or unsociable.

Sure. "If you're gonna bang it, bang it" - still in 100% normal everyday interaction for you?

It just sounds like a random joke. Reading something dirty into that seems like a real stretch tbh

Whether he was being pervy or not, women are well within their rights not to laugh at such a crap joke.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Oh leave off

No, they should be nice and friendly to neighbours because it's a kind thing to do.

(unless neighbours are unpleasant or behave badly. So far this one hasn't)

Whether he was being pervy or not, women are well within their rights not to laugh at such a crap joke

Well eh, sure, we already agreed that, and it's fuck all to do with being female. Men also can chose not to laugh at jokes someone makes and just walk away rudely ignoring the person.

What's your point? None of us on here think folks should be forced to laugh at each other's jokes, you can be as rude and ignorant as you want in response, that's how it works,

we don’t have to be friendly and nice to everyone just because it suits a patriarchal society. That is a feminist issue

Ok. I guess I missed the point because I thought what you were saying would have some vague relevance to the thread, but it seems not.

user I try not to but he makes me jump sometimes appearing all of a sudden. Once I got out of my car and it was pitch black (No street lights) I went to go into my house and I just heard a hello how are you. Made me jump as I didn't see him and thought it was odd as he has a back garden. I just went oh you made me jump and said hi back. Then Suddenly appearing at my fence when I'm doing something. I'm a late 20s single mum and I feel like he likes making me jump.

It just sounds like a random joke. Reading something dirty into that seems like a real stretch tbh

I didn't say I found it sexual. Just random thing to say. Not what are you doing or hi cleaning are you? Wasn't funny just odd

I don’t think anything he has said is of concern, however, if you don’t want to talk to him then you don’t need to. You will look like the odd one though if you just ignore him all the time. Still your choice but it will look odd.

None of us on here think folks should be forced to laugh at each other's jokes

Yeah, cause totally ignoring your neighbour when they make a joke in passing is full of joy and neighbourly good will

Make your mind up Bluntness.

I try not to but he makes me jump sometimes appearing all of a sudden. Once I got out of my car and it was pitch black (No street lights) I went to go into my house and I just heard a hello how are you. Made me jump as I didn't see him and thought it was odd as he has a back garden

See that's not right. Sounds like he's getting off on scaring you.

I'm currently ignoring my neighbour, as I'm struggling to reconcile with the fact that she is standing by her husband who has just been found guilty of the habitual rape and abuse of 'young schoolgirls', spanning a period of over two decades.

Wish my neighbours were as creepy as yours

Make your mind up Bluntness

Those statements don't conflict. The fact you may come across as a miserable sod if you ignore someone who cracks a joke, doesn't mean you are forced to laugh at the joke.

People are perfectly free to be miserable sods who ignore someone who cracks a joke, 🤷‍♀️

OP, I totally get it. We have instinct and gut feelings for a reason about people. Sometimes, we just feel very wary of a person, even if in isolation none of their actions are that wrong, or we would not mind them by someone else. I also remember the other thread of a much older male neighbour increasingly harassing his young female neighbour and everyone pretty much unanimously advised her to basically tell him to get lost. I think this guy does sound rather creepy, hanging around on the off-chance to catch OP and has definitely ramped up contact and there was no need to ask a female neighbour, busy with a kid to help start his car when there other neighbours about. He sounds as though he is latching on to OP and she is absolutely not miserable or unpleasant to not want this unwanted attention, as some posters have suggested. That ‘joke’ was not funny and comes across a bit lecherous, as is hanging over her fence. That is very intrusive! I refuse to conform to expectations of being a good friendly lil woman and humour creepy guys and would not laugh about crap ‘jokes’ nor tolerated unsolicited, ham-fisted attempts to interact. OP, please do not feel you owe this guy any attention.

It doesn't make you miserable because you choose not to laugh at someone's joke Bluntness100

@CrochetBelle

"Wish my neighbours were as creepy as yours"

This guy probably is as creepy as your neighbour.

and says if you're gonna bang it bang it and laughed

That's quite sexual and creepy imo

I wonder how some people even manage basic interaction with other people.

Thanks temptress before I just shrugged it off because I didn't have much interaction and it didn't bother me really. And yes he's ramped up the interaction.

I wonder how some people even manage basic interaction with other people.

Clearly they don't, a lot of the time.

Ok I totally get it and I know how hard it is trying to describe the way they speak to you. I have one of my own at work. Totally harmless to talk to. One of those "he's such a lovely guy, bless him". Started out that way, in a really nice guy sort of way. Started getting worse. No one believed me. He's 40 years my senior and happily married, as am I, so it was an "aww he thinks of you as a daughter". The unwanted personal emails he sent to me went from monthly to weekly to daily. Going from complimenting my "beautiful smile" to feeling so down he needs me to smile at him to make him feel better. The straw that broke the camel's back were the ones that starting saying he was infatuated by me. His words btw. It's hard to describe and it's still bad now but hopefully he's retiring soon.

Sorry to derail, but I can understand what you mean.

I always trust my creep radar. Every time I've ignored it I've ended up in a situation where I didn't feel safe. Ignore him!

OP I'm sorry you've got so many odd replies

You might want to have a read of this, these are the replies I would have expected for you as well

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3272287-Can-t-get-neighbour-to-leave-me-alone

AIBU to have ignored him? I value my privacy

I just think you sound rude to be honest