To have ignored my neighbour?

[Cheery1004]

I've lived in my property for just over a year now. He is in the house next to mine. Over the year we have just exchanged a couple of hellos.
His ora just unsettles me.

Recently I pulled up he was outside I walked around to get.my son in the car, he hi. I got my son out turned around and he was waiting in his drive for me. Started going on about my son getting bigger.

A few weeks back I pulled up and I sent a quick text he tapped on my window and asked if I could help jump start his car. I said yes obviously as it was the nice thing to do. We couldn't get it started and he said something was wrong with my connection (it werent) so someone else pulled up and I asked him if he could help after saying to my neighbour numerous times oh maybe he can help you. As my son was asleep in the car and it was a hot day! I felt like he could have asked other people pulling up.
He then said thanks and he would trim my garden for me. I just said Thanks but not to worry that's not needed.

My DF then put up a gate for me and DS. He popped up and peered over the fence, spoke a tiny bit but was mainly being nosy. He then commented about me doing hard graft like he knew me. Both my parents said they felt awkward and he reminded them of a creepy relative we have. I agreed because that is who he reminds me of!
Just now I went outside to empty the Hoover and banged the filter outside for all of 30 secs. He appears at the fence and says if you're gonna bang it bang it and laughed. I just walked off and went inside.

AIBU to have ignored him? I value my privacy. And don't want to feel like every time I go outside he is about to make a comment. He is only a lodger and said he hasn't lived here for long but he was here before I moved in.

See not seem

The OP said he appeared out of nowhere. She didn't seem him as she walked to her house because it was pitch black, that is very different to putting something in your bin where your neighbour would likely hear you

He's not friggen Harry Potter, he can't apparate. Simply she didn't see him that's all.

Great duck, it's weird how you're suggesting that people are trying to victim blame.. when as far as I can see there is no victim!? OP finds her neighbour weird and doesn't like the small talk. Fine. But some people here are jumping to an awful lot of conclusions based on such minimal interaction.

He commented that your child has grown. this happens to me all the time.
He asked for help to jump start his car
And he spoke to you in the garden, over the fence.

Also it's aura, not ora (sorry 🙈)

Yabu

FFS, just because some posters on here would be OK with this intrusive odd man (who, as I said, would not behave like this with a man!) that doesn't mean other women will feel the same.

So your minds can 'boggle' all they like, and you can gasp til the cows come home with your faux shock and outrage, but the fact is that the OP is not comfortable with this man's behaviour.

She is entitled to feel the way she feels - whether you like it or not. And you have no business mocking her, or trying to belittle her feelings.

At the end of the day some of you think the OP is being ridiculous about feeling uneasy around this man and some of us think she's justified in feeling this way.

Who knows who's right? I've always believed in trusting my gut and for me it's served me well.

On that note, it's Friday night so I'm off for a glass or three of wine 🍷 cheerio.

Read ‘the gift of fear’.

Trust your instincts.

The posters dismissing and belittling the OP have clearly never had to tolerate this kind of shit from any man.

Just because YOU have never had any unwanted attention from men, don't diss women who HAVE, and don't LIKE that unwanted attention!

Good posts @greatduckcookery and @theactualrealcinderella

I am going to look for 'the gift of fear' now.

Cheery1004

No I haven't filed a harassment claim as he's retiring soon and I'd feel bad him leaving with that over him. I have considered it but I kind of blew up at him via email telling him to cease and desist in a way. It's gotten a bit better in the last few months since. I'm just waiting until he leaves in a few months then breathe a sigh of relief

Does this male have any female visitors at anytime?

Maybe an exW/G, or a daughter, niece, sister?

You say that he is about 30 years older than you, so he is about 60ish?

Is there any female visitor that you could have a word with, just to let them know that you find this man 'creepy'?

Oh how I long for the days of neighbours being neighbourly.

I have lovely memories of me mam asking me to pop a couple of doors up to ask 'aunty' Sue for an egg and a drop of milk, and she'll see her alright on the morrow. The neighbour that used to water me dads garden when we went to coast for a couple of days in the 'van.

Oh how I wish those days would return.

Now it is never speak to someone, unless you want to be raped or murdered.

So very sad.

Lindale unwanted attention... they have lived next door to each other for over a year and he has said little more than "hi" on a handful of occasions!

My DH has a big powerful motorbike.

The man two doors up is always cornering him, getting him into conversations about big pistons etc.

Should he be worried?

The lady 3 doors up is always trying to get into my garden to see my big leeks.

Should I be worried?

Nah.

We put the kettle on and share a cuppa between neighbours, even though they are both a bit 'weird'.

:)

The posters dismissing and belittling the OP have clearly never had to tolerate this kind of shit from any man

What shit from a man? Your Male neighbour saying hi?

WTAF.

It's like another planet on here sometimes. Your neighbour says hi and makes small talk on average once a month and it's classified as getting shit from a man?..

And rhe advice to find a female friend of his and inform her he's creepy as he said hi? That's into cray cray land.

Its unbelievable how such a normal mundane infrequent interaction with your neighbours can scare and worry so many people. It's actually very sad.

No female visitors I've noticed. He lives with his female landlady. Not sure if other people live there too.
Can I just clarify I didn't say he was waiting outside for me in the dark.

On one hand he hasn’t done anything wrong and actually sounds quite pleasant and neighbourly.

On the other hand none of us are there and sometimes one does get a very strong feeling about someone else, and those feelings shouldn’t be ignored. I think point blank ignoring him will be rude and potentially cause offence and other issues but just continuing to politely not engage is a good option if you feel uncomfortable.

And for the record my Male neighbours, as well as my female ones, always say hi when they see me. At no stage have I thought "I don't need to tolerate this shit"

Can you really not see what's wrong with your reaction that you'd think that way?

You can say what you like @bluntness100 and act all shocked and affronted, but NOTHING changes the fact that you have NO RIGHT to tell the OP - or any other woman - how she should feel.

OP ignore the dissers and people dismissing you as being irrational. If it was a daughter or sister of theirs - or THEM - they would be reacting quite differently, trust me!!!

Go with your instincts and bollocks to what anyone else says!

Can I also say it's not once a month he tries to interact when he sees me now but I just say hi politely and go off as I'm busy/have my DS and would rather not engage in conversation with him.
I'm so a single parent so yes if a man speaks to your DH about motorbikes or the lady wants to see leaks it's fine. Nothing intimidating. Whereas I do find him like that. As I've said it's hard to portray tone of voice/body language. I've spoke to other male neighbours and felt fine. Just a polite hi, how are you. Left it at that.

If it was a daughter or sister of theirs - or THEM

It is us! It happens to my daughter and my mother too! Our neighbours all say hi to us! I'm fine with it!

I'm nit telling her how feel ffs. In fact I've stated very categorically she doesn't need to speak to him.

She asked if she was unreasonable ignoring him. My answer is based on the normality and infrequency of her interactions then yes. She can behave and feel any way she wishes.

However the folks in this thread trying to make his intent somehow sinister are behaving terribly. Changing it to him waiting in the dark for her, deliberately making her jump, tring to scare her, being there every time she goes out..none of this is true. It's weird and it's not ok to take it there.

Linda why are you so obsessed with the fact that the OP is a woman!? I find that bizarre within itself.

Ok he may have not been waiting for her but he did make her jump by standing in the dark and saying hello, he has appeared at her fence when she's been doing something in the garden, he does make her feel uneasy.

Bluntness100 you cannot use your experience of what goes on with your neighbours to this situation.

For whatever reason this man makes the OP feel uncomfortable and imo you're wrong to make her feel bad for thinking this.

lindalee3

Or should she be a nice polite iccle wumman?

Or perhaps a nice polite human?