To have ignored my neighbour?

[Cheery1004]

I've lived in my property for just over a year now. He is in the house next to mine. Over the year we have just exchanged a couple of hellos.
His ora just unsettles me.

Recently I pulled up he was outside I walked around to get.my son in the car, he hi. I got my son out turned around and he was waiting in his drive for me. Started going on about my son getting bigger.

A few weeks back I pulled up and I sent a quick text he tapped on my window and asked if I could help jump start his car. I said yes obviously as it was the nice thing to do. We couldn't get it started and he said something was wrong with my connection (it werent) so someone else pulled up and I asked him if he could help after saying to my neighbour numerous times oh maybe he can help you. As my son was asleep in the car and it was a hot day! I felt like he could have asked other people pulling up.
He then said thanks and he would trim my garden for me. I just said Thanks but not to worry that's not needed.

My DF then put up a gate for me and DS. He popped up and peered over the fence, spoke a tiny bit but was mainly being nosy. He then commented about me doing hard graft like he knew me. Both my parents said they felt awkward and he reminded them of a creepy relative we have. I agreed because that is who he reminds me of!
Just now I went outside to empty the Hoover and banged the filter outside for all of 30 secs. He appears at the fence and says if you're gonna bang it bang it and laughed. I just walked off and went inside.

AIBU to have ignored him? I value my privacy. And don't want to feel like every time I go outside he is about to make a comment. He is only a lodger and said he hasn't lived here for long but he was here before I moved in.

Slarti "I don't agree with labelling him a creep on non existent evidence"

he has been "labelled" as you put it - without a name or any identifying information - by posters on a discussion board. And not the OP in fairness.

so, some people have thought he is creepy, based on the descriptions of interaction. Quite why that bothers you so much, I don't know.

to the post who thought you might be an MRA - yes, there's a mentality there that's similar.

on the other board I used to use, majority male posters, there would have been an influx of men posting "oh you should feel sorry for him/maybe he doesn't know how to talk to people/if you opened up you could have a lovely friendship or maybe even a relationship".

which is quite an MRA mentality I think?

what is wrong with you ?

He sounds like a nice person who is making conversation, offering to help you and generally being pretty notmal.

yabu and the fact that you asked this question is pretty frightening and more a reflection of yourself

Lighthouse what on earth have the opinions of posters on another forum got to do with me?

Fiintastic there's nothing wrong with her! And it's frightening, really? That a young woman wants a man to just leave her there fuck alone because he makes her uncomfortable? You sound like a handmaiden or Stepford Wife, take your pick which.

I agree that it's wrong to ask the OP " what's wrong with her " too.

Nobody has to do anything they're uncomfortable with just to make someone else feel better.

Mmmm...He hasn’t done anything wrong, but does he need too? He’s made you feel uncomfortable and so I’d just go with your instincts.
You’ve been polite and helpful but now he seems to be invading your space.
I’d probably still say hi when needed but other than that, I’d ignore him.

lol at the concept of women having boundaries being 'frightening'

I don't think the op is the one who's got something wrong with her

Can we stop bickering and throwing insults at each other. Didn't realise it would turn into this

I stand corrected, I did swear. I said the supposed reliability of gut feelings and instinct was bullshit and described an attitude to other people as "fuck em". Pretty mild for MN I would have thought, and not as bad as what you are doing, which is attributing opinions to me that I don't hold. I don't think anyone has to reciprocate anyone's interactions or that men are entitled to have some speak to them. Nor am I trying to paint "any woman" as anything. That's either a genuine mistake on your part or intentional. Only you know your intentions but now I've explained that I don't think those things it would only be intentional if you continued with that line of argument.

YANBU - he makes you feel uncomfortable so IMO that's enough. There's nothing wrong with you...but plenty with some of the posters on here.
I'd ignore him from now on...the odd hi or nod if he's hovering. He'll soon get the message. Don't be available to help...say you're busy/expecting a phone call etc.
You know nothing about him and don't need to.

Slarti "what on earth have the opinions of posters on another forum got to do with me?"

it was a male dominated board and you remind me of them. I didn't see all of your posts on this thread only one.

if you pulled out the "what if it was your son" line, then it's even more scarily reminiscent.

AFAIC if someone doesn't wish to be friends with my DC, that's fine. You are supposed to choose your friends after all! If a neighbour doesn't want to chat, that's fine too.

The board which I remembered because of you, was full of posts like that - poor misunderstood men, how will they ever find someone to love.

I think karyatide has summed it up. In fact, I thought you had quoted something wrong when you said karyatide had made a "strange outburst" and was looking up and the down the page for a post that seemed like a "strange outburst".

if someone doesn't wish to be friends with my DC, that's fine. You are supposed to choose your friends after all! If a neighbour doesn't want to chat, that's fine too.

I agree, so when someone accuses me of posting the opposite and falsely attributes a number of very specific phrases to me I consider that to be a strange outburst! Just because I'm not on board with labeling someone a creep, pervert or predator based on the information given by the OP doesn't make me an MRA.

@RhiWrites

There’s something called the gift of fear

Your neighbour is trying to force a relationship and you are absolutely free to decline. Women are told repeatedly to be nice and respond positively. You do not have to do this

Trust your instincts. You have no obligation to let this person push you to interact with them.

THIS ABSOLUTELY THIS.

People had bad feelings about J Saville. They were told “it’s FINE” he’s a nice old man. What could He POSSIBLY do wrong? He has the best intentions!?!
He gave LOADS of people the creeps. He set off my creep radar.
People, in particular women, are conditioned to be nice at any cost. To not upset other people who push their unwanted attention on you.

"That this is not nice girl behaviour. "

“They were only being friendly” ..... Again and again told to disregard your basic instinct telling you something is not right. We are STUPID to ignore this.

Non-verbal communication gives us LOADS of clues. @Cheery1004 keeps saying she can’t describe this but she is getting lots of hints from this man’s body language. Plus she does NOT want this attention.
The book Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe and Parents Sane sounds like a scare story but is all about how your brain reads non-verbal messages and clues in our environment that our conscious brain might not recognise. (same author as The Gift of Fear)
This is not “wooo” but just a conscious / unconscious recognition of environmental factors.

Society tells us to be nice and friendly to everyone. Which I totally agree with but if you get these messages telling you that something is not right, you should listen to them.

It shows how deeply society has trained us all that there are scores of women on this thread howling at the OP for asserting her right not to talk to someone she don’t want to. That she is rude and “not normal”. Yet they obviously haven’t got the gut instinct she has as they haven’t been there, talked to him, seen his behaviour.

Why do they automatically stand up for a completely random stranger rather affirming OP’s feelings? Society has screwed us up.

Why do they automatically stand up for a completely random stranger rather affirming OP’s feelings? Society has screwed us up.

I don't know. It's completely baffling and quite depressing. I can only assume that that haven't really ever been in a situation where a man has made them feel the way this man makes the OP feel.

Trust your instincts, i'd ignore him too.

Especially if he's the sort that keeps appearing, god I hate that. He needs his own friends, not to use you to talk to, a woman he doesn't even know. And was the bang comment a sneaky sexual remark??

I agree with PP about us women being conditioned to be polite and nice to men or laugh off sexual remarks. I used to be that person because my DM taught.me to be this way. All that has got me is to be in the company of the wrong sort of men because I was too nice.
Now I'm a stronger person and feel that I shouldn't have to put up with this. It would be the same for a women too so I'm not being sexist.

OP yes agree with applying this to men and women.

Sadly the other poster with a neighbour problem has had an escalation, I'm glad you are ignoring posters telling you to ignore your instincts!

lighthouse an escalation really? Poor woman hope she's ok

Whoever suggested the gift of fear, thank you it's a good book!
I think neighbour may have taken the hint. I haven't seen him since the "bang it" comment

FTRT yep I agree with you not everyone is a MANIAC just get on wth your life blimey

try to ignore him. Sounds like he is being friendly enough, but you feel unsettled, so act on your gut. Many times i have behaved like a bitch to make things easier for myself.

Update

Just seen him since the bang bang comment. I've been trying to avoid him.

I was leaving my house with my DS in my arms. I could hear him behind me as he has this distinctive cough. I ignored and he had parked next to me. He went into his van to get something and put it in his front pocket. I peered up slightly as I was putting DS in his carseat and it seemed he was trying peer in from the other side. My DS began crying and he was like "Oh upsetting him again are you" I just went mmm. He then stood behind me while I was putting DS straps on and was trying to speak to DS. I ignored him the whole time. Ds stopped crying and he went "oh well thst shut him up". Meaning him trying to take to him. When I went to go round the other side I didn't give him eye contact or a smile. I just said bye in a blunt way. And then he replied bye. I actually got a shudder he creeps me out!!
Even if he was being friendly and not creepy why stand behind someone when they have a crying toddler and trying to put them in the car seat. I clearly didn't want to engage in conversation.
AIBU to think that odd.