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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ignored my neighbour?

251 replies

Cheery1004 · 15/06/2018 16:26

I've lived in my property for just over a year now. He is in the house next to mine. Over the year we have just exchanged a couple of hellos.
His ora just unsettles me.

Recently I pulled up he was outside I walked around to get.my son in the car, he hi. I got my son out turned around and he was waiting in his drive for me. Started going on about my son getting bigger.

A few weeks back I pulled up and I sent a quick text he tapped on my window and asked if I could help jump start his car. I said yes obviously as it was the nice thing to do. We couldn't get it started and he said something was wrong with my connection (it werent) so someone else pulled up and I asked him if he could help after saying to my neighbour numerous times oh maybe he can help you. As my son was asleep in the car and it was a hot day! I felt like he could have asked other people pulling up.
He then said thanks and he would trim my garden for me. I just said Thanks but not to worry that's not needed.

My DF then put up a gate for me and DS. He popped up and peered over the fence, spoke a tiny bit but was mainly being nosy. He then commented about me doing hard graft like he knew me. Both my parents said they felt awkward and he reminded them of a creepy relative we have. I agreed because that is who he reminds me of!
Just now I went outside to empty the Hoover and banged the filter outside for all of 30 secs. He appears at the fence and says if you're gonna bang it bang it and laughed. I just walked off and went inside.

AIBU to have ignored him? I value my privacy. And don't want to feel like every time I go outside he is about to make a comment. He is only a lodger and said he hasn't lived here for long but he was here before I moved in.

OP posts:
Cheery1004 · 15/06/2018 16:27

Ah sorry I did put paragraphs in. Sorry for the long post!

OP posts:
ICantCopeAnymore · 15/06/2018 16:28

He sounds completely normal and nice.

LilllyoftheValley · 15/06/2018 16:30

What has he actually done wrong? Doesn’t sound like anything to me. You sound like your projecting your feelings of this relative into him.

Tink2007 · 15/06/2018 16:31

I fail to see what he has done wrong?

LeahJack · 15/06/2018 16:31

He sounds like a normal, pleasant person.

If you couldn’t help with his car because you had DS with you, you should have said so. It’s not his fault you’re not assertive.

veggifriedbreakfast · 15/06/2018 16:32

While I fail to see what he's done wrong, I also know that you have a gut feeling and to trust it. Be polite but keep your distance

AuntieUrsula · 15/06/2018 16:32

YANBU. He sounds irritating rather than sinister but I don't think I would have responded to that either - unfortunately he doesn't sound like the type to take a hint or he might back off slightly!

LIZS · 15/06/2018 16:32

Nothng you state suggests anything other than he is being pleasant and friendly.

Cheery1004 · 15/06/2018 16:33

It's obviously hard on a thread to portray the way someone speaks to you and the way they are. Obviously these things sound trivial.

I've never mentioned him to my parents and they met him for about 5 mins and they both got the same impression as me.

He comes across a bit of a creep in about 30 years younger than him.

OP posts:
Cheery1004 · 15/06/2018 16:35

Also I'm not saying he has done anything wrong, the things I mention have just irritated me and have made me feel uneasy. Just saying was IBU to have ignored him walking over to the fence and saying that comment. The info was more for background.

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 15/06/2018 16:36

It sounds as though he’s a bit shy but wants to be friendly. There’s no such thing as an ‘aura’.

Cheery1004 · 15/06/2018 16:39

sabine he isn't shy

OP posts:
Armchairanarchist · 15/06/2018 16:41

Is he lonely? You should meet Rick (spelt with a silent P) my next door neighbour!

Bettyfood · 15/06/2018 16:47

His ora just unsettles me.

Rita?

HollowTalk · 15/06/2018 16:51

No, her older sister, Kia.

WakeUpMaggie · 15/06/2018 16:53

Kia Ora Grin

Cheery1004 · 15/06/2018 16:54

betty 😂 Yea that's the one!

OP posts:
WakeUpMaggie · 15/06/2018 16:54

OP, listen to your instincts. If you feel he's weird then give him a wide berth. Nothing you have said screams psycho to me, but you probably need to

WakeUpMaggie · 15/06/2018 16:54

I meant to say you probably need to be there.

melodybirds · 15/06/2018 16:55

If you don't want to talk to him just disengage with a smile and walk away. While he hadn't done anything wrong we all have instincts.

LilllyoftheValley · 15/06/2018 16:56

He comes across a bit of a creep in about 30 years younger than him.

From what you’ve written it doesn’t sound like he’s said anything sexual. Or should people only talk to those of the same age?

DiegoMadonna · 15/06/2018 16:58

All of these things sound totally normal. Speaking to your neighbours is pretty normal, especially for older people.

You got home and he was outside so he said hi and commented on your son getting bigger. TOTALLY NORMAL. I would say there is something wrong with you if you have some kind of problem with that kind of everyday interaction tbh.

Moominfan · 15/06/2018 16:58

He sounds normal, maybr your judging harshly because he reminds you of your relative

Cheery1004 · 15/06/2018 17:01

Yes saying hi is normal. But what isn't normal is turning around to go in then wait at the top of your drive for 5 mins to wait for.me to get DS out of the car and then try to speak to me again. Like I've said it's hard to portray body language and the way things are said.
And no he hasn't said nothing sexual he just comes across as my parents said as a jack the lad type person

OP posts:
MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 15/06/2018 17:02

Everything you've described sounds really normal. Is it possible that your feelings about your creepy relative are colouring how you view him? Maybe there is something creepy about him that's just hard to put into words but he just sounds quite normal and friendly.

You don't have to always chat to him or help him out but for the sake of neighbourly relations I would keep being polite.

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