To wreck our lives and end it

[LostwithSawyer]

Monday night my husband had a stroke, to say it was awful is an understatement.
He's been transferred to a specialist hospital an hr from home.
Before visiting today I cleaned up & discovered a secret phone.
Now we've been here before, years ago.
I forgave believed in 2nd chances and thought we were good.
Clearly Not!
It's the same woman. It stopped for years but started last yr.
To say I'm devastated is putting it mildly.
I've spoken to her and know all the juicy details. But he's in + out of consciousness.
Briefly I told him I know and he just stared at me. Told me hes sorry and loves me.
Love, is that what this is? If it is then love can fuck right off!
But we have kids who are devastated they can't see him in hospital.
I hate him. But I love him too.
I don't want to visit. But he's Ill.
He's messed up so bad there's no going back from this. But my beautiful kids are heartbroken. How can i make it worse right now?
I'm stuck!

Yup, I agree with PPs. MiL didn't think this through, did she? Or she thought you'd cave at the end.

When DS1 got married, in my own mind I 'gave' him to my lovely DiL. She is now the #1 woman in his life, not me. This means that she is the one he will rightly turn to 'in sickness and in health', although of course I'll always be there if they should need me. The difference is that my DS1 is a good man who treats her well and who would never cheat on her. Your MiL raised a selfish, self-centered jerk and she was probably glad to 'unload him' onto you as she was the one he expected to cater to him and do all for him and she was probably dog-tired of it. Now, because of the way she raised him, he is back on her hands and she's pissed at you because she has to 'take care' of him when you were supposed to be the one to take him off her hands.

You have done the right thing. Let them both pay for their own mistakes.

for you op. You will be fine, it doesn't feel like it now but you are strong and you will get through it all with your dc and come out of it stronger and with a great new life

Hope you're coping OP. Don't be too surprised if you discover that H's family were well aware of the OW. He may have been discussing the relationship with them without your knowledge.

How are you OP ?

Hello all thank you for all your kind messages.
The children now know what's happened. They are of course devastated but have been amazing.
He is still being pleasant.

So it's just the children and I and we are getting on with it. A new routine just the 3 of us.
I know I can do this and I know we will be happy. X

A good update. I'm glad you're all looking forward.

you'll get through this OP...

wow you go strong lady

I hope you can overcome your feelings of betrayal and visit and take the kids. My father was unfaithful to my Mum for years and I hated him for treating her so badly, but he was still my Dad and I still loved him.

On the practical side, have you made your wills/discussed your wishes if anything further happens?

Goodluck to you, I hope it all works out for you all 💐

You are so strong. Wishing you all the best

OP you have coped with 2 successive huge shocks and come out with a plan. You are very strong and your dc are lucky.

Have just read this thread and well done OP - you're dealing with this brilliantly.
Hope that you've had a chance to get your ducks in a row, getting copies of all financial docs and have got some legal advice? Also hope that you have some real life support, both for the children but especially for you.