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Original poster

To wreck our lives and end it

313 replies

LostwithSawyer · 13/06/2018 23:20

Monday night my husband had a stroke, to say it was awful is an understatement.
He's been transferred to a specialist hospital an hr from home.
Before visiting today I cleaned up & discovered a secret phone.
Now we've been here before, years ago.
I forgave believed in 2nd chances and thought we were good.
Clearly Not!
It's the same woman. It stopped for years but started last yr.
To say I'm devastated is putting it mildly.
I've spoken to her and know all the juicy details. But he's in + out of consciousness.
Briefly I told him I know and he just stared at me. Told me hes sorry and loves me.
Love, is that what this is? If it is then love can fuck right off!
But we have kids who are devastated they can't see him in hospital.
I hate him. But I love him too.
I don't want to visit. But he's Ill.
He's messed up so bad there's no going back from this. But my beautiful kids are heartbroken. How can i make it worse right now?
I'm stuck! AngrySad

OP posts:
FrumpingtonSmythe · 14/06/2018 16:21

Ow has messaged saying its mainly friendship.

Of course she has. If this had never happened she would welcome him with open arms. That's if he ever had the guts to leave. Now that he is no longer functioning on all cylinders she doesn't want him. She wants the fun, the romance, the attention and the sex. She has already proven she is a selfish bitch by having an affair with a married man. Why would a woman like this ever have the selflessness to look after someone ill.

She wants out and is now minimising her involvement, hoping you will forgive him and look after him ready for her to pick up where she left off once he is fully functioning again.

Send her a message back saying she doesn't get off that easily and her DH or the hospital will be in touch for her to arrange his recuperation.

MiggledyHiggins · 14/06/2018 16:58

Ow has messaged saying its mainly friendship.

She's probably freaking out at the idea that she might have to become his carer if his stroke has long lasting effects. She's backtracking so fast that if this whole situation wasn't deeply hurtful to you (and your children) it would be hilarious.

Motoko · 14/06/2018 17:00

Ha, she's shitting herself that she's going to have to care for him!

squiglet111 · 14/06/2018 17:05

Good for you. Why should you have to care for him after what he did to you. Sounds like ow doesn't want him now either! Glad he's getting his punishment! Aaahhh karma!

CoraPirbright · 14/06/2018 17:26

Send her a message back saying she doesn't get off that easily and her DH or the hospital will be in touch for her to arrange his recuperation.

Now, I like that Frumpington!!

Gemini69 · 14/06/2018 17:31

She's probably freaking out at the idea that she might have to become his carer if his stroke has long lasting effects. She's backtracking so fast that if this whole situation wasn't deeply hurtful to you (and your children) it would be hilarious

this Flowers

BasilFaulty · 14/06/2018 17:33

I agree don't change the Nok

Lottapianos · 14/06/2018 17:36

My gosh, you're doing brilliantly OP. Huge well done for being so clear headed and proactive. The last few days must have been a living nightmare for you

For what it's worth, I think you have made exactly the right decision in not having him back. I feel sick on your behalf at his behaviour. Sending you lots of strength for the days ahead

Trialsmum · 14/06/2018 17:50

Wow, you’ve done so well, and absolutely the right thing! What a scum bag 😡

LightDrizzle · 14/06/2018 17:52

I’d text OW back giving Ward details and visiting hours and saying you will text her again to let her know if the children are visiting so she can avoid that time, but that otherwise, she’s free to go whenever, his family already know he has another partner.
So sorry you wasted time on him, but at least your children are that bit older and you still have plenty of life left to enjoy without him.
The NOK advice was very prescient.

StuckSoutherner · 14/06/2018 17:59

Dear OW, thank you for your message. I will take great comfort knowing that DH will have such a good friend as yourself to see him through his recovery and divorce, seeing as that is what you, mainly, are. I do hope it's not on your conscience to think about his high blood pressure when you're being whatever the other term is besides friends, I am sure his stroke is a complete coincidence.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/06/2018 18:00

Brilliantly well done on being so decisive, OP Flowers

Can I ask how his parents reacted to the news?

Original poster
LostwithSawyer · 14/06/2018 18:04

Thank you. I have my moments where I cry hysterically and want to know how he could do this but I know I'll never get a straight answer.
No I understand he has a right to come home.
I'll seek legal advice on that and I will check our health insurance.
I just hope he won't cause a scene and he can't drive so he can't physically get home but of course if he forces himself I'll have to deal with that if it happens.
I'm going to sell it to the kids that dad needs to be with n+g as they have a bungalow and don't work so they can help him.
Right now an overlaod of information isn't necessary. They're trying to deal with his stroke and being in hospital. They don't need to know he's never coming back right now.
She messaged on the secret phone I refused to give him. He has his normal one.
I won't be replying to her. I don't believe a word either of them say.

OP posts:
Original poster
LostwithSawyer · 14/06/2018 18:07

I love that stucksoutherner
Made me laugh.
His parents are supportive right now but I know when he's out that will most likely change.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/06/2018 18:08

What a dick Flowers

Bless you OP x

MadeForThis · 14/06/2018 18:09

He's a dick.

Whisky2014 · 14/06/2018 18:18

Thought you chucked that phone at him and walked out?

Anyway, yes I would be getting his family involved in the care of him and getting my ducks in a row.

RainySeptember · 14/06/2018 18:52

I'm sorry you're hurting op but how absolutely glorious that the ow gets her man just in time to start feeding him purée through a straw.

Use his time in hospital to gather paperwork and make your plans.

mummyway · 14/06/2018 18:54

If you let it drag on then you will be miserable and that will have a knock on affect on the rest of your life, which in the long run will not be beneficial to your children.

Original poster
LostwithSawyer · 14/06/2018 18:57

No I chucked the normal phone . I knew I'd need the messages on the secret phone for ammunition or proof. And he'd delete it all.
All these poxy phones. 1 for normal 1 for work and 1 secret.

No wonder he has high BP, hard work carrying on this secret life!

OP posts:
RheToric · 14/06/2018 18:59

Walk away.

He doesn't deserve you caring for him.

Ive cared for a loved one post stroke. Its gruelling.

halfwitpicker · 14/06/2018 19:04

What's all this punishment from god shite?

Bog off back to wherever you came

halfwitpicker · 14/06/2018 19:05

As rainy says, gather paperwork

Lottapianos · 14/06/2018 19:14

Crying hysterically sounds entirely healthy and normal under the circumstances. Get it all out as and when you need to. You're doing so brilliantly

isthissummer · 14/06/2018 20:19

Sounds like you are doing a great job OP
mainly friendship
The relationship I have with my DH is mainly friendship, apart from the bits when we are having sex! What does she think a functioning relationship looks like!

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