to think it's not normal to leave washing up over night?

[BigMamaTee]

Had to have words with DP tonight...

Can anyone please tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not in thinking that:

• surfaces should be wiped after use (not 3 days later)
• if you cook on the hob and get oil everywhere you should clean it (same day)
• you don't leave washing up overnight to get smelly and gross
• nor do you leave bits of food floating in the drain catcher in the sink when you can just put them straight in the bin
• it's not normal to do not one bit of cleaning in the week and to just mop a floor or give a surface a wipe on a Sunday

AIBU in expecting DP to do the above? I'm not a clean freak but I like the house to be clean. I'm torn between leaving his shit for him to do and it building up all week for him to half heartedly clean on the weekend, or to just clean it myself and be happy my house is clean but to want to nut him for being so lazy....

I wouldn't like dirty dishes lying around either, we generally all pitch in (me, Dh & 3 teens) straight after dinner and it's all done in less than 10 minutes. I wouldn't be the tidiest person in the world but I couldn't relax looking at a manky kitchen all night or getting up in the morning looking at a filthy kitchen when you want to make food

I would leave it too. I am not a night person, my energy levels slump after 7pm. My evenings are for wine, tv, reading, puzzles, quiet time. By contrast I am an early riser and full of energy in the mornings so I would sort it all out whilst drinking my first cup of coffee (decaf) so I would then go into the business of the day with a nice clean kitchen.

YANBU. These are totally our rules too.

A dishwasher is an amazing thing, though. I am absolutely NOT saying that as a way of excusing your husband or of promoting inequality in housework. I just think that the more you mechanise, the more energy and time you BOTH have to solving other issues. And it should be equal.

But I LOVE washing up really early in the morning, door open, birds singing, nobody else up. Quite zen and satisfying, and I'm not tired/resentful so do a really thorough job. (Plus that's when I have hot water available and currently sans dishwasher). FWIW dishes are rinsed and stacked neatly of an evening after eating, surfaces tidied and wiped as I cooked....

Sitting on the sofa with old fish and chips takeout on the table still from last night

Ooh, see there's where I hot my limit. I can't sit among the filth. All tea stuff, rubbish, dishes, etc, has to be moved to the kitchen so I can shut the door, ignore it, not have to smell it, and relax in a clean room for the evening.

Normal to leave them overnight. NOT normal to leave them for a whole week.

Sounds symptomatic of a wider issue of lazy bugger-itis.

Why don't you make a list of all the chores that need doing, and how often they need doing. Then split them between you. Do you work the same number of hours?

Seriously OP, do not let this issue cause a rift in your relationship, it is NOT worth it.

Johnnyfinland

The trick is to house share with someone as slovenly as you

Unfortunately universities do not use degree of slovenliness as a selection criterion for placing students together in accommodation, nor do people necessarily know the extent of their potential housemates laziness in advance. This results in the sluts forcing their squalor, in the form of filthy kitchens, ovens, toilets, etc. on others, not to mention the inconvenience to landlords in terms of cleaning and pest control when premises are overrun with silverfish, ants, carpet beetles, mice and worse.

I am astonished reading all the replies.

Of course you wash up the night before, so you don't wake up to dried on disgusting plates and flies.

Wiping the surfaces with anti bacterial is normal after using a kitchen and the hob. So it is clean and ready to use by others.

I bleach the sink usually and make sure everything is tidy before I relax in the evening.

This is certainly NOT to much to expect from your DP and anything else is quite frankly lazy and dirty.

It is lovely waking up to a clean and fresh house and not student digs.

You are not highly strung you are hygienic. Tell him to sort it out.

ready to use for others.

It seems to me that a lot depends on what else is going on in your life.

I leave the house at 6.15am (get up about 5.30am) for my train to work, then get home about 8pm. Then I cook and eat, watch a bit of TV, have a shower and go to bed. I do sometimes have work to catch up on in the evening or train tickets to sort out. No way am I ever going to find the energy to wash up at night.

So, it mainly gets left in the week and sorted out at the weekend when I also make my lunches for the week. It's only me, but the washing up is not commensurately less than if there are two, there are fewer plates but just as many pots/roasting pans etc. I loathe all housework, but washing up and hoovering are my worst (though actually, I have recently discovered that lawn mowing is my actual worst). I'm OK with cooking and laundry, but the rest I can't get even slightly bothered about.

@Rumboogie to be fair during my time in a student house everyone did blitz the place before we left even if it was grubby the rest of the time. I do agree its not fair to leave filth or trash the place once you're moving out. I also actually never met any fellow students who were overly bothered about cleanliness, I think most people were away from home for the first time and enjoying the freedom too much to worry about cleaning. Meh, dirt boosts the immune system

Wiping surfaces, yes, every day/after each use....not leaving washing up..meh. I often will leave it till the next day but that is because my stuff from before is drying and I have an irrational hatred of towel drying my plates

We don't have a dishwasher

Do you have room for one? Definitely worth saving for if it comes within your budget.

If not, clear up as you go is a good rule, one cooks, the other clears and washes up. the leave it to drain or dry and put away after washing up argument can be the next one

I agree OP, those standards seem completely reasonable. It took a bit of training but we both do this now. Everything gets put back in its place at the end of the evening, before bed. It means that you come down in the morning ready to start the day fresh, rather than having to clear up old mess.

To leave the washing up overnight and do it once every 2-3 days - totally normal
To leave it for a whole week and only do it on Sundays is a bit gross though!

Dm would never in a million years leave dishes overnight. She used to wash and df used to dry and put away. Meanwhile dm would wipe down all surfaces. Same now, but it takes less time as they have a slimline dishwasher. I have even known dm to serve dinner, and we will all be sitting at the table, and she won’t sit down as the saucepans haven’t been washed up yet.

DH and I are a bit more meh. Some nights we will wash and clean up that night, other nights we will leave it for the morning. But never longer than that. Though Mayberry this is partly down to having a separate kitchen and we don’t have to look at the mess. If it was open plan, or if the kitchen was a through room, we would probably clean up every evening.

We leave ours sometimes if we can't be arsed. I would prefer to do it there and then, but sometimes I'm just cosy and would rather read for a bit.

Before we had a dishwasher dishes sometimes got left until the morning, but always scraped and rinsed, pans/roasting tins etc full of soapy water and surfaces clean. Leaving old food hanging around is grim.
However I am incredibly grumpy in the mornings and I do really hate coming down to dishes.
I cannot stand anything being left in the sink, ever. It really pisses me off.

I'm a shocking slattern - I hate housework, can ignore quite a lot of mess, don't much mind as long as there's somewhere to sit and somewhere clean to cook . Care more about a well-ordered bookshelf or tended veg plot than the state or the floors.
My brother is the reverse - needs everything clean right away.
The trick is either living with a person with similar priorities, or discussing and agreeing a compromise.

Most of the time, I like to get it all cleared up after dinner - I hate going away/sitting down/chilling out to come back out and realise I need to do it all. And it affects my mood/start to the day if the kitchen is in a shit tip the next morning.

I think this is more about him a) not pulling his weight and b) not supporting you. Try talking about what would help you, not what you want/need him to do.

(that said, I left my X because he expected me to work FT; get the food shopping in; sort meals for the children AND clean up at weekends and wouldn't pull his weight!)

Watching - I would regard what you do - using antibacterials on the hob, bleaching the sink, etc, every day as way over the top and definitely not normal.

I start the day off in a foul mood if I come down to dirty cups/plates. I always clean after eating, load the dishwasher and unload it last thing before going to bed so that there is no excuse for people leaving their cereal bowls out in the morning.

My family know how cranky I get if there is anything in the sink in the morning to come down to . I'm relaxed about the rest of the house but the kitchen has to be clean. It's just grim to leave it used. I'm very by the responses on here...