to think it's not normal to leave washing up over night?

[BigMamaTee]

Had to have words with DP tonight...

Can anyone please tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not in thinking that:

• surfaces should be wiped after use (not 3 days later)
• if you cook on the hob and get oil everywhere you should clean it (same day)
• you don't leave washing up overnight to get smelly and gross
• nor do you leave bits of food floating in the drain catcher in the sink when you can just put them straight in the bin
• it's not normal to do not one bit of cleaning in the week and to just mop a floor or give a surface a wipe on a Sunday

AIBU in expecting DP to do the above? I'm not a clean freak but I like the house to be clean. I'm torn between leaving his shit for him to do and it building up all week for him to half heartedly clean on the weekend, or to just clean it myself and be happy my house is clean but to want to nut him for being so lazy....

I honestly just thought it was normal to

Its personal preference, simples. While I happen to agree with your way of doing things, it doesn't help to resolve differences of opinions by trying to make one way right, and the other wrong. When I had a tiny kitchen, i chose to have a washing machine and dishwasher, making space by replacing the oven with just a hob. Clean and tidy was moe important to me than oven cooked food.

I do everything for DP. Cook, clean, make his meals for him, look after his DD etc.

Now it gets more complicated, why are you doing all this? Did you discuss who would do what in advance of moving in together / deciding to have children? Did he agree to tidy kitchen and now doesn't .... or did you not discuss it. If it were not for the complication of DC i would say take a step back and agree how your life together is going to go. It does not sound to me as if your share of the chores is in balance. All the best.

Owlofbrown haha! No I don't put food directly on the surfaces 😀

Finally I think the issue is I really didn't think blokes in their 30s needed to have an agreement in place to clean their own bloody mess after they make it

"it sits in water, where you then have to put your hand in to get the plug out "

It sits in water in the washing up bowl. I use gloves to do the dishes.

Totally with you! Can’t relax when there’s dishes in the sink. My rule is mess can be left but the house has to be clean before we go to bed.
So toys on the floor - can be left till the morning
Dishes or food spillage - cleaner straight away

@Rumboogie funny you should say that, because I don't think it is the parents. My mum washed, mopped, tidied, hoovered and cleaned pretty much every day and my dad is a neat freak. I, however, am unbothered by mess and would rather do pretty much anything except cleaning, but I definitely don't get that from my parents. The trick is to house share with someone as slovenly as you (which I do, but she's actually way worse than I am!)

The trick is to house share with someone as slovenly as you

as Johnnyfinland said, ^ this

I make a point of unloading dish washer before i start prep so it can go straight in there. Leaving to my husband it would be left too. I am not house proud but our kitchen cost too much to not always be tidy

Ours doesn't sit in water. it is rinsed quickly to get the worst off and then stacked. I did try when we first got our dishwasher to get dh to put his stuff straight in there but he played helpless and 'couldn't tell whether the stuff in there is dirty or clean' (because it's really really hard to tell, isn't it?) and after some time (months) I decided I wasn't going to die on that hill.

So it gets stacked. Dry. No nice warm wet environment for extra bugs to grow...

I'm with you apart from hob, that can sit for couple of days if a few splashes.

I think the odd overnight leaving of dishes if tired or have a commitment is fine but days absolutely no way. That is the worst part of your AIBU.

I hate getting up to find dishes in the sink first thing. It royally pisses me off. Before I go to bed at night I have a quick tidy round, plump cushions, clear coffee table, wash up any dishes, wipe down the counters.

Everyone is different, he obviously doesn't care, you do - but you need to be aware there is no 'normal', and there are no housework police. Bloody good job or I'd be in prison.

I leave washing up for days, it doesn't get 'gross'. I wipe the hob now and then. I think I may have wiped a surface at some point in the past.

You need to agree between you how you want to manage it, you don't get to lay down the law.

Oh you'd hate my place OP. Every room bar the kitchen is immaculate. But I'm a line parent and am studying a subject at uni that has work placements and assignments to fit around those. So when I'm finally done for the night, it's all I can do to actually cook tea, never mind get the washing up done after too. So, grim as it is, I probably go 3 days between washing up sessions. I have to run out of something first.

That said, bar the side-of-shame, my other surfaces are all clean and ready to use.

I don't understand why your work tops are filthy. Don't you use chopping boards?

I don't clean the hob after every use. I clean it twice a week along with wiping down the surfaces. I use a chopping board for all my prep then clean that after every use and all dishes go straight in the dishwasher and put on overnight and i empty it in the morning while making breakfast.

We eat at 9pm then flop into bed at about 9.30-10pm I wouldn't be doing cleaning after that. Anything that doesn't go in the dishwasher waits till the next day stacked by the sink.

MrsKoala we own numerous boards but somehow, between us all, the surfaces still get crumbs and splashes. Don't you have people in and out all day making sandwiches etc? I bloody do. Teenagers always seem to be in there...using the microwave for noodles or hot chocolate.

YANBU but haven't you given up yet? Kudos for not giving up on your partner to do it. My DP says he will and it's a 2/3 day later job and I can't be arsed getting stressed about it so I just do it myself.less stress. I ain't got time to train a monkey. Lovable monkey nonetheless.

I used to be quite bad at my old rented place. Didn't dry up and left limescale on the black granite. So terrible. I have an all white kitchen now (white stone tops) so I AM FORCED to clean every little bit because its so obvious.

Ha, i see. No. I am the master of the kitchen no one does anything in here apart from me. I chop and cook neatly. Rarely splash the hob or mess the surfaces.

Unless you thoroughly rinse all the dishes (well, you may as well wash up), doesn't it just make more work the next day? A five minute job becomes a scrubbing nightmare. Leaving the sides dirty is gross and lazy. The drying, yes, totally normal to leave the dishes to air-dry. We have two sinks though, so we never dry up. One is for drying the dishes!

Jesus, the more I read MN the more I’m aware that I’m a slovenly slob. I leave my housework until a Sunday and do a blitz.

Couldn’t do any of this because I value nearness and order. The dishwasher helps.

Grrrr

*neatness

I'm with you OP. I take pride in my home and it would fill me with dread to see last nights dishes still there in the morning. It's ingrained in me to do it since a child living at home so I don't look at it as a inconvenience. It's the routine of my household and it works for me but I don't judge others who don't. I couldn't focus properly if last nights mess was still about first thing in the morning

We try to get ours done at night but occasionally an item or two does get left in the sink. It's definitely easier to clean hobs and surfaces at the time but it depends how tired we are really. It's not the end of the world either way but some of my friends would die before they went to sleep with dishes in the sink

I leave the dishes over night very occasionally if I am too tired to be bothered but it always makes me stroppy in the morning. It’s just not a nice sight to come downstairs to first thing in the morning. I agree with you that surfaces/the hob should be wiped straight away- my DP is a twat for leaving food cuttings and packaging all over the worktops .