to think it's not normal to leave washing up over night?

[BigMamaTee]

Had to have words with DP tonight...

Can anyone please tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not in thinking that:

• surfaces should be wiped after use (not 3 days later)
• if you cook on the hob and get oil everywhere you should clean it (same day)
• you don't leave washing up overnight to get smelly and gross
• nor do you leave bits of food floating in the drain catcher in the sink when you can just put them straight in the bin
• it's not normal to do not one bit of cleaning in the week and to just mop a floor or give a surface a wipe on a Sunday

AIBU in expecting DP to do the above? I'm not a clean freak but I like the house to be clean. I'm torn between leaving his shit for him to do and it building up all week for him to half heartedly clean on the weekend, or to just clean it myself and be happy my house is clean but to want to nut him for being so lazy....

I hate this too OP. I load the dishwasher through the day, then put it on after tea and wash anything else by hand and leave on the drainer. Wipe all surfaces and sweep the floor. Empty the dishwasher first thing in the morning while waiting for the kettle to boil so everything can go straight in it during the day. DH just piles everything on the worktop directly above the dishwasher so it becomes a big job to load it, and there's no space for food prep. Maddening!

Thing is, I genuinely don't think it's fair to make someone else adhere to your standards if they're wildly different. Well, more pertinently, do the work of adhering to your standards.

My fiance and I drew up a list when we moved house of all the household jobs. Some of them with a defined frequency, some of them daily standards we both liked (e.g. whether one of us wanted a recycling bin emptied outside daily or weekly or whatever). Some unpredictable (cat sick!).

We made a plan based on our working hours (fiance often out 12hrs plus every weekday, so daily jobs bad for him), what tasks we preferred, and what our cleanliness preferences were. Then we tweaked it when it didn't quite work (swapped laundry with dishes).

then we got a cleaner

I genuinely don't think it's fair to make someone else adhere to your standards if they're wildly different.

Well, I agree but the person just not doing anything is trying to impose their own standards, too.

I agree that discussion and agreement, with sanctions (pay for meal out from personal funds) is the way forward

Any major mess gets cleared straight away.. We have dishwasher but would happily either do dishes straightaway or leave if we were tired etc with no stress at all... We are relaxed about these things.. We have been together 14 years and Weare still here to tell you the tale..

I’m with OP I would expect the same

I'm with you OP.

I would hate to start a fresh new day by being faced with the dregs of yesterday's dinner, which have sat congealing all night. I think it's a grubby habit.

With you OP, kitchen should be clean and clear before you go flying bed so that it’s ready for the next day.

I like to do my washing up and leave everything clean for the next day but each to their own.

YABU - No one has to be normal though and am sure it won't kill anyone! This is quite a dull thread topic.

FinallyHere - oh, yes, absolutely! I forgot to say that.

Here, we were winding each other up with tiny conflicts in standards - neither of us particularly cleaner or messier, but I would hate tissues, he would hate cans etc - neither saw our own misdeeds as mess, but hated the other person's.

I think it's far too simplistic to say 'those are my cleaning standards too so you're right OP' - the point is how they cooperate as a couple when their standards clearly DON'T match.

beachy sorry to bore you

This is quite a dull thread topic.

Not at all - it's interesting to see how many people leave the dishes sitting. I truly didn't know anyone did, past student age.

I sometimes leave them sitting, I sometimes don't. I don't stress about it either way. If they don't get done that evening, then they get done the next day. It's no big deal.

I agree with you. Washing up is done after tea, I can’t bear to leave dishes overnight!

yanbu - i always want to get the washing up done and surfaces wiped before bed. Occasionally there will be the odd cup from the evening etc, but generally all done. It makes it so much nicer to get up to. If we manage to get it all put away it makes such a difference in the morning too. Very rare, but coming down to no washing up and an empty draining board just makes life seem that tiny bit easier first thing in the morning

Nope.I hate coming down to dirty dishes in the morning.If there is anything I do it is make sure the kitchen is clean before going to bed.I hate facing a dried in congealed mess in the morning.just want to get up and have my coffee in a clean kitchen.

We clear up and wipe surfaces after every meal. however if there is a bit left over and the dishwasher is on at the end of the day it gets neatly stacked by the sink to be dealt with in the morning. In general it has been rinsed at this point (or is something like an empty coffee mug or wine glass) so no heaps of manky food waste or anything.

We never wash up the same night unless parents are staying.

Surfaces are wiped, dishwasher is stacked but if the dishwasher is on and there's stuff that doesn't go in it (in our case all the pots and pans and baking trays, wine glasses, lots of the plastic things, wooden spoons) they get washed up the next day. We don't eat until 8pm at the earliest, none of us wants to wash up in the late evening.

I don't currently have a dishwasher - renting. It's usually just me. I often leave it overnight. I.do wash down surfaces though

I can relate. After struggling with this for years I have just accepted that kitchen clean up & dishes is MY job. I just do it as I know it should be done daily while my hubby is happy to leave it messy. I feel a lot less resentment now. My husband does other things that I don't touch like putting out the garbage cutting the grass cleaning the pool etc. and I don't even attempt to pitch in and help him with those. It's so totally old-fashioned but I do the "pink jobs" and he does the "blue jobs" and it all works out for us.

"Wiping the surfaces with anti bacterial is normal after using a kitchen and the hob. So it is clean and ready to use by others."

Erm no it is not! I have never knowingly used an antibacterial spray or wipe in the kitchen. It is completely unnecessary overkill. I don't use bleach either. Those products are extremely toxic, why would I want to be anywhere near them?

Antibacterial products barely existed 20 years ago. Stop normalising them.

I hate starting the day to dirty dishes. I know it's not the end of the world but it really bothered me that my exp would leave it.

In my house the dishwasher goes on last thing at night. Every night

It's normal to leave the washing up overnight and it doesn't matter

This is why I have a dishwasher........

Yeah, I don't like this because it ends up super disgusting the next day (the inevitable many days afterwards that the mess goes from bad to worse).

... and I'm a naturally messy person!

I started collecting the trail of cups half filled with tea and rinsing and washing things I'd used before going to bed after staying with my father for a while as a grown up. He is very particular and his house is sparkly clean, so as a guest who was no longer a teenager, I thought it would be unacceptable and disrespectful to have him wake up in the morning to things that aren't to his standard and allow him to clean up after me just to be comfortable in his own home. That was years ago and I still copy what he does in my own homes. All these years trying not to turn into my mother and I've accidentally turned into my father lol:)

I'm not a big fan of lists of things to do on certain days etc, it's a bit strict and controlling for me, but hygiene, cleanliness and respect for others I live with is very important.

If you are uncomfortable in your own home or find yourself feeling disrespected or left to do basic hygiene things, that's no ok and you are within your rights to say I live here too and this upsets me! Maybe not the strict list on certain days, that's a bit controlled (some people love this for themselves, others hate it, both are fine, it's personal), but hygiene and clean up after yourself, that is fair!