To not attend family friend's wedding for this ridiculousness?

[Alookerer]

My mum, dad, sister and me have been invited to a family friend's wedding. Known her all our lives.

She says on the invite 'No Under 18s'

We did wonder why our other sister wasn't invited. She's 17 (18 a week after the wedding), and has a DC of her own.

My mum did mention in passing if DSister2 was invited if she could arrange childcare and the family friend's response was "Sorry, but I'm sticking with No under 18s".

I think family friend is being unreasonable. It isn't down to venue restrictions, either. It's a very basic wedding with a little buffet and stuff afterwards. I had my wedding at the same location.

I asked my DH, who usually sees both sides and agrees with the other person and not me, and even he agrees it is very odd!

What do you think?

AIBU to think she should be invited?

What do the rest of your family think?

I think she disapproves and its and excuse and I wouldn't go.

Rocitaine, I'd like to think that someone who's been a young mum themselves would be bit kinder and more understanding to another woman going through the same thing, and not be so bloody judgey.

Its not ideal having a baby at 17, but it's not the end of the world either.

Maybe she's worried that your sister would have to bring her baby along if the rest of the family is at the wedding? (Sorry if this has already been covered, I haven't read the whole thread.)

i would decline the invitation and if she asks why say you're keeping your dsis company. that way you're firmly showing her that your sister is more important and by not inviting her, she has alienated you. her disapproving of your sister is affecting your friendship.

I've seen people's meanest sides come out a weddings, and that is mean! I wouldn't go!

@ManicUnicorn

Eh, I didn't say id be keeping them out of my wedding or disowning them. I'd be supportive, I'd help anyway I could, but I wouldn't be jumping for joy at the news. I'd be worried, and would probably stay worried until I knew they were going to be ok and have a stable life. But that wasn't the point. The point was that she obviously doesn't like the teen mum thing, and she's allowed to feel that way. I don't like it so I certainly wouldn't advocate for the OP to go attack her friend for having this opinion. That woman is allowed to feel however she wants. I don't agree with the way she is handling those feelings, but it's not my place or the OP's place to force her to invite someone she clearly doesn't want to be involved with anymore.

Her reaction to the pregnancy and child is crap, but she has every right to do it. I'd feel uneasy as well, so I can understand it. I wouldn't react in this way though, so that's were my understanding ends.

I agree with PPS - sounds as though she has a problem with your sister specifically, and is using her "over 18" rule to ban her without being too obvious.

Personally, I wouldn't go to the wedding out of solidarity for my sister. No need for a big argument - just politely decline.

Her wedding, her choice as to who to invitee. You've been invited, your choice as to whether or not to go.

I never get why people say this on these threads no-one is suggesting you can't invite who you want to your wedding the question is whether or not OP should attend.

But you're missing the point. The Op clearly things the bride is being unreasonable. So why would she attend?
It's not about attendance it's whether people agree the bride is being a nasty cow. Leaving out one family member is odd but I don't see how you can know the only other left out child is 15. Maybe the groom has teens he doesn't want there. Maybe numbers are tight and theres no room for one 17 year old "exception". Maybe it's an insurance thing.
Don't go. It's fine. It's just one day.

Its not an insurance thing.
OP said she had her own wedding at same venue and under 18s were allowed. OP's mum contacted Bride and asked if Sister could go if Mum arranged childcare for sister's DC and if that was the issue. She was told it was the 18 rule.

The sister is one week away from 18, who would even know amoung the other guests unless the bride tells them?

OP should ask Bride outright what is the real reason. I think the family should support her sister.

Do you know how many 16 & 17 year olds there are on the groom's side? Children of his friends etc? It's hard to bend the rules for one person without upsetting others. YANBU if you don't want to go but don't jump to conclusions that the bride is BU.

Weddings cost a fortune to attend, I'd not go personally. Yes it's her wedding etc etc but seems like she's being awkward for the sake of being awkward.

Are you absolutely sure the next oldest 'child' is 15 on both sides? Even then, if you put it at 16, would that be the sort of person who said "but they are only just under 16...." 18 is clearly an age for adult, by all definitions, not just 'older child'. No wriggle room, not old enough to buy a drink, not old enough to go.

But as she's had a history of being standoff -ish with your sister since she announced the pregnancy, have you considered that BlackAmericanoNoSugar might well be right. If she was pressurised into an abortion at that age, or lost a baby then (which was treated by her family as a 'good thing'), then seeing your sister have a baby as a teenager and it being seen as a positive thing for your family could be very hard for her.

If she's never previously made comments against teenage parents, it could be something like that, so don't rush to condem her, she may well just not want to be trying to deal with those emotions at her own wedding.

I wouldn’t go either, so YANBU to turn it down.

@Beware - did you miss the part where I said I knew I was being selfish? I don't need you to tell me that thanks. My demons, my battles, my issues. And it's not the 'temerity to start a family' it's the utter stupidity of not using contraception and then being surprised when she fell pregnant with no way or means to support a child. You have no idea what has gone before to reach this point, I wasn't canvassing opinion I was giving an alternative perspective which - whilst irrational - may explain the brides choices.

Travia Oh ffs, she did use contraception. She was utterly heartbroken and confused when she discovered she was pregnant

Take your judgy pants and throw them out. You're not only judging but incredibly keen on stereotyping

@alookerer I wasn't talking about your sister ffs. Read it properly!

I was trying to perhaps help you understand that whilst your friends opinion may be irrational it may be caused by other issues. Of course she may just be a cunt and if she is then you guys would be fully justified in not going to the wedding, but maybe have a discussion with her first?

It's blindingly obvious she doesn't want your sister there. Not under 18s. Just your sister.

So if you're close to your sister, and you value your sister more than that person, you should show your solidarity and support by not attending at all, as should your whole family ime.

If my daughter were the 17 year old in question and she was snubbed in the same way, you would not see me at that wedding. How offensive for your sister if you don't make a stand against this!

As a family, we aren't going!

My dad was furious when he found out my sister wasn't invited. Apparently he didn't even know

What a ridiculous text. I also think a child free wedding is a great idea because young children can affect the day in a way that not every bride and groom want but a 17 year old? Ridiculous.

Nah she's being a twat. It's very patronising that message and has a bit of a nasty undertone. Have a nice day out with your family instead.

She just doesn't care, the bride. There is not an ounce of doubt in her text, or concern that she's hurt someone - a friend, a friend's family.

Forget about her and move on. I'm glad to hear your family is not going.

A couple of names are mentionned in the text, in case you want to remain anonymous.

I wouldn't go in solidarity personally. A week off 18 is not a kid, especially when they're also a mum.