To not attend family friend's wedding for this ridiculousness?

[Alookerer]

My mum, dad, sister and me have been invited to a family friend's wedding. Known her all our lives.

She says on the invite 'No Under 18s'

We did wonder why our other sister wasn't invited. She's 17 (18 a week after the wedding), and has a DC of her own.

My mum did mention in passing if DSister2 was invited if she could arrange childcare and the family friend's response was "Sorry, but I'm sticking with No under 18s".

I think family friend is being unreasonable. It isn't down to venue restrictions, either. It's a very basic wedding with a little buffet and stuff afterwards. I had my wedding at the same location.

I asked my DH, who usually sees both sides and agrees with the other person and not me, and even he agrees it is very odd!

What do you think?

AIBU to think she should be invited?

Her wedding, her choice as to who to invitee. You've been invited, your choice as to whether or not to go. I'd decline, and spend the time with DSis.

It's a stupid rule given there aren't a load of other seventeen year olds that she would have to invite too. Given her other behaviour towards your ds, it sounds as though this 'rule' is made up deliberately in order to exclude her.

Your ds is justified in feeling upset by this, and Id be inclined to decline the invitation as a family and tell her you'll all be meeting up together during her wedding to celebrate her marriage , and possibly the sad demise of the family friendship

This is a way to exclude your sister so for that reason I would decline the invitation

I wouldn't go, I'd stay at home with my sister.

I’d be incline to say sorry I’ll be unable to attend as there’s know one to look after my baby 18 year old sister.

My cousin had "no children" at her wedding and extended that to her cousins.

I was 22.

Damn right I was pissed off.

Don't blame you for being annoyed, OP.

I think you should send the ‘Friend’ a wedding regret card, thanking for the invitation but regret OP and OP’s DSIS are unable to attend. Don’t bother with a reason, she will know why not. Go out on the wedding day and have fun together instead with the little one. It’s up to your parents whether they go or not, but really, is she worth keeping as a friend?

It's definitely a snub to your sister OP. I wonder what excuse/rule she'd have had if she'd got married a week later, when your sister had turned 18?

Could she be jealous about your sister having a baby before her?

If I was you, I'd not go to the wedding, and I'd spend the day with my sister. And re-evaluate my friendship with this person.

Just because you've known her all your life, doesn't mean you have to be friends.

I’d be incline to say sorry I’ll be unable to attend as there’s know one to look after my baby 18 year old sister.

prune My sister is quite upset. She thought this friend of ours liked her but ever since she announced she was having a baby at 20 weeks or so, she doesn't comment on anything she puts on FB, she doesn't say anything but "hiya" when she passes her whilst out as a group of friends and family. And she doesn't respond to anything my sister says when we are together

If we weren't friends for so many bloody years, I would've dropped her without a seconds thought a long time ago

You should are failing your sister. YOu should have dropped this person without a second though as soon as you clocked that she was treating your sister like shit. And she is.

Decline the wedding invite. Your whole family should. She is openly and actively judging your sister through her treatment of her, noticeably changed since she announced her pregnancy, and has kept it up.

Stand by your sister FFS.

Clearly not as much of a family friend as you thought then...

I'd tell her to sod off

As this rule is effectively only excluding your sister and the nearest other kid is a fifteen year old boy it's clearly aimed at excluding her.

She's clearly not going to articulate why, but from what you've posted she has issues with her having a child so young. Is she a single parent?

It's an unusual stance to take in this day and age, and I couldn't be friends with her if that's what I thought was behind this, it doesn't matter how long you've known her, I couldn't stick someone so judgemental that they would behave like this.

The question is less why was your sister not invited and more why are you and your family still wishing to attend if you suspect this is about her disapproval of your little sister.

Don't go, she is not any sort of friend IMO if she has treated your sister like that. If she asks why you can tell her.

The question is less why was your sister not invited and more why are you and your family still wishing to attend if you suspect this is about her disapproval of your little sister.

You're right

Her wedding, her choice as to who to invitee. You've been invited, your choice as to whether or not to go.

I never get why people say this on these threads no-one is suggesting you can't invite who you want to your wedding the question is whether or not OP should attend.

I wouldn’t go, monies that were gonna be spent on pressies, new clothing, petrol/accomodation I would pool together and get a lovely takeaway & drinks for the whole family.

If the next nearest in age is only 15, then she must have deliberately chosen 18 instead of 16 in order to exclude your sister.

That's pretty nasty IMO

I don't get excluding children from weddings anyway, to me that is what weddings are about. The exclusion of your sister is beginning to sound deliberate.

I feel really sorry for your sister - and your friend doesn't sound like a friend at all (although I suppose she has done the 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' thing, at least to your faces).

If she wanted her at the wedding she would have set the age at 16

Given the next youngest would be 15, I agree with this totally. I’m all for child free weddings and brides and grooms setting their guest list but this looks to be pointed at your sister, and personally I wouldn’t go out of loyalty to my family.

I wonder what excuse she would have come up with to exclude your sister if the wedding had been a week after your sisters 18th instead of the week before. Certainly seems to me it's a deliberate snub.

So your sister is 17 years and 51 weeks at the time of the wedding (its not a court) Your mum told the bride she would arrange childcare for your sister's DC in case that was the reason, there's no venue restriction and the bride has been snubbing your sister in RL and Social M since your DN was born?

I would mention all these things to the Bride and ask her politely but outright what the real reason is, because whilst she has the right to set the rules, the 18 thing seems to be designed to exclude your sister and you have the right to ask why that may be, so that you can understand the situation.

It sounds like your dear sister needs all the support she can get.

Coming at it from the brides side, because I'm in this situation just now, I've been TTC for 8 years, have just found out my brothers 17 year old girlfriend is pregnant and I can't be anywhere near them. It has destroyed me in a way I never thought possible so if I was having a large event I wouldn't invite them just now because I can't stand to be anywhere near them(and yes I know that is utterly selfish of me) perhaps the bride is in a similar position?

There are wider issues with her disapproval of your sister having a child, rather than there being any other problems. Its just that its visible with the wedding invite. I'd not go and have a fun evening out with my sister ( if I had one!)

It's an unusual stance to take in this day and age

Sadly I don't think it is an unusual belief, more one that people tend not to share anymore. I am biased tho, I've been to a christening of a baby born to a teenage mother where a guest wondered (out loud) why the mother didn't just have an abortion. I nearly fell over with shock.