To expect my twins to be kept together

[Blazingspeed]

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me.
What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

Hi OP. I have twins. I haven't read the thread properly, but have skimmed, I think one of two others have suggested contacting TAMBA for advice. I think they will even speak to the school in some cases. I understood that the best policy for twins was no policy! My children went to a large primary with four sets of twins in their year, two sets were separated and two kept together. Mine were together and split in year four when the classes were mixed. All were separated by year 6 and all are now perfectly well adjusted teenagers. All twins are different and you know your children best. I hope the school is willing to listen to you.

Fwiw the bond I have with my twin is no different to the one with my older sister.

We were gestated at the same time. That's literally it. I said it already, I'll say it till I'm blue in the face. Twins are not two halves of one whole. They are separate people.

I don't like blanket policies like this at schools - better for the school to have a chat with you and meet the kids before you all decide together. My twins went to a single entry school and were seated at the same table because they were of similar abilities - school refused to put on them separate desks - they were becoming overly dependant on each other, but the school showed no concern for helping to them to develop their social skills, they were too rigid in their approach - we moved them to a school that cared a bit more about the whole child.

Well said honey! If only some parents of twins saw it this way too!

Op I do understand you're aniexty about separating them, however i do think you are being slightly over dramatic. you say that your dc gravitate towards each other in preschool throughout the day, that could be said for children who are just friends.
The way you are going on is like they will never see each other again, the longest time they will spend apart is 2-3 hours and will always see each other at playtime, lunch & at home and will always share a special bond, being separate at school is not going to change that.

I do believe it's good for twins to have their own identities and to find they're own way in the world, what do you think will happen in 3 years time if you choose to separate them? It's only going to get harder.

Re teachers home visits, you more than likely will get one as most schools now do this, you can then voice your concerns to them and I'm sure they will be more than happy to help your dcs adjust.

They may have different registration teachers but in most schools both reception classes will emerge through out the day and mix together for maths and English, OP this is s massive step did you as your little boys are growing up and going full time!
They will be fine, when one needs the other they will find each other.
Good luck OP 👩‍👦‍👦

WTF (did you mean to be so rude?) I am ‘on’ about is that you appear to be disregarding the advice being given on here by people who have valuable expedited this. Yes you are going into the school but you appear to unaccept that it may be better for them to be separated.

I'd just like to know how twins survive all over the world in small schools where splitting them isn't an option. Mine are in the same class in a smaller school and doing normally and very happily. Both are achieving.

I’ve skimmed through most of the thread but FFS the ignorance in some posts about twins needing to be apart to become individuals astounds me! What utter bollocks!!

I’m a parent of identical twins, and a teacher. A teacher who doesn’t make the effort to get to know each child individually is lazy. My sons are in the same class and are seen as two individuals. They have different hobbies and do other hobbies together. And although they’re incredibly close they are not dependent on each other. Any decent teacher makes the effort to find this kind of thing out about every single child in their class.

Also there is very clear guidance from TAMBA that there should not be a policy at all other than to say the decision is taken in partnership with parents.

WTF (did you mean to be so rude) I’m on about is that people who have valuable
experience have given you advice and you have disregarded it. Yes you may be going into school but you appear to be unable to accept that it may be best for them to be separated.

You keep saying people don’t know your children, bit if that’s the case then why did you post for opinions?

Sorry, it didn’t post so I rewrote it and then it did!

I haven't read all the replies but in my son's Reception year there are two sets of twins. One set is in different classes (the parents preferred to separate them) and one set are together in the same class (at the parent's request who wanted them together).
Have you spoken to the school about it? I'm sure if you talk to them they will look into it...

I'd just like to know how twins survive all over the world in small schools where splitting them isn't an option. It didn't work out for my two and I had to move them but they are all different hence why blanket policies over this kind of stuff is crap.

Skarossinkplunger Why would I just ‘accept’ what people on an Internet forum say?
For all the people who have said their twins did brilliantly being separated, there’s just as many who say the opposite. I’m going to figure out what works for my children.

I haven’t disregarded any advice. Apart from the ones who have no experience in this matter.

I was only as rude as you were.

YAB(a bit)U
Twins need to be able to develop their own independence and with you stating that one twin calms the other, alarm bells would be ringing from a teaching and pastoral perspective, a 4 year old child is not meant to calm another child, that is their caregivers role.

Also, in my experience, children act differently while in school to the way they do at home, I’ve genuinly had parents in front of me that state that their children are horrible at home, but I’m saying that they’re an angel at school, and of course vice versa, I guess what I’m trying to say is that your twins need to be given the chance to have the space to develop at their own pace rather than be tied to each other, they also need to develop their own friendship groups and interests (one set of twins I know that were separated at school have totally different sets of friends and one likes gymnastics while the other is more hobby/craft interested.

Please please give it a chance.

Ah bollocks to all those who think if you don't separate your twins asap they will never ever be able to be parted for the rest of their life. What overdramatic nonsense.

And all the "they're separate people" posts. No. Really? Like parents of twins don't realise it. Thanks for telling us.

My twins do plenty of things together and plenty of things apart. Just like their other siblings, but at that age I do think placing them in class should be down to the parent who knows them best, and how they feel they would cope.

And I posted (albeit in the wrong place) to see what my options were now that they’ve already been assigned to separate classes.

I really wasn’t rude. I gave you an example as a professional working with twins. Then I gave an opinion which is what you asked for.

Interesting thread! I dont have twins however 2 of mine are 10months apart and due to developmental delays they function around the same level albiet with very different needs. They are currently together in one class at a special needs unit and it has worked fab

There were plenty of discussions beforehand to work out if it would be suitable for both of them not just one or the other and how we would manage any dependancy etc.

They've thrived separately despite sharing a class of only 16 and the teachers have commented you wouldn't know they were siblings as they pretty much ignore eachother during school hours.

So it can work but i think some proper discussions need to be had in advance.

As an aside is it possible Nursery have made the suggestion during transition meetings? It could be a possibility

OP it’s defibitely worth talking to the school to understand their reasoning and see if you still disagree. It’s also worth noting that’s lot of reception classes usually have free flow between classes in that although they’re taught subjects in class groups a lot of their free play will be at year level so even in separate classes they’ll be seeing a lot of each other during the day if they want to

Not real the full thread but here is the NHS website discussing twins starting school.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/twins-at-school/

It recommends taking an individual approach. It also refers to the TAMBA website.

I’d be concerned the school isn’t taking an individualised approach. Getting to know the situation and the children. The nhs suggests a third way may be suitable for some twins - split them over time - was this mentioned?

At my school the twins have been kept together in reception but split when they go into year 1.

I think for reception, it would be best to keep them together.

I’ve only known one set of twins to be kept together in reception and there are a lot of twins in my dcs school...their parents demanded it but they were then split the following year and have flourished being apart ever since...

Schools vary in their approach to this.
Most tend to separate but are accommodating when parents approach them and discuss reasons for not doing this.

Not meaning to kick you when your clearly already down and worried but it would have really been better for you to approach this directly with them or via pre school when they offered the place. They may be able to accommodate you now if you ask - but it may be too late. If you give them a heads up they can observe and change at a later date if they feel the need.

it's tough when your littlies start school without added worries on top

There were triplets at DS’s primary, all in the same class, all with different friends and interests. It doesn’t always follow that they’ll be dependent on one another.