Page 17 | To expect my twins to be kept together

Blazingspeed · 2018-06-12T10:06:57+00:00

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me. What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

Baubletrouble43 · 12/06/2018 22:19

I have twins and I'm hoping they will be at least on separate tables if not classes at school. They are together 24/7 and a few hours a day being an individual will be healthy I think.

EvilTwins · 12/06/2018 22:21

My twins were only just 4 when they started reception. The school asked us what we wanted and I said I wanted them together. They are MCMZ twins and I couldn’t conceive of them being separate. They did brilliantly all through primary and are in yr 7 now. They are in separate tutor groups for secondary and are apart for most lessons.

We know a lot of twins (twins group) and some where separated, some kept together. Crucially the vast majority of schools consulted parents. It’s not the same as other sibling relationships.

OP, I would speak to the school, and if you get nowhere, speak to them again,

namechangedtoday15 · 12/06/2018 23:19

Yes, a decision to be taken together (school & parents). 4 sets of twins in my daughter's cohort of 60, 2 sets have stayed together, 2 sets have been separated. They're all in Yr 4 now, no one has changed classes so it's working - whatever is the decision. There should be no generic policy.

My own twins stayed together but are now at different schools (secondary). They love it. I stayed with my twin all the way through primary & secondary (streamed at secondary school so in the same sets) and then went to different unis. No problem there either.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 12/06/2018 23:28

StarUtopia your elder child started life without your youngest, then spent another six months plus getting on with life as a toddler while your youngest was being an immobile baby.

I'm not saying your children don't love each other, before you jump down my throat, but that is a significant difference in terms of psychological attachment.

Rollonweekend · 12/06/2018 23:40

I think the attitude in schools is that its healthier to split twins so they develop separate friendships separate from each other which is good for their development.

Its done as a positive thing. Perhaps meet with the school to better understand their thinking around it.

Rollonweekend · 12/06/2018 23:45

*OP they are your children - at this stage, you know them best. Go with your gut feel - if you think they need to be together make the school aware that you want them to be together (& insist - at least for this first year of school!)

I am a twin - we were in the same class throughout primary & when we went to Secondary my parents were asked what they would like to do re classes. They split us up. Wasn't exactly what we wanted but we got on with it & then made bloody sure to choose the same GCSE options (managed to be together for a few of them) & then went on to do the same A levels together!! We went our separate ways for Uni (that was hard) but our bond was & has never been broken.

All twins are different but parents will recognise if a bond is important or not between their two children.*

Actually i think Foxy said it best....

Speak to the school again and as she said, insist they are kept together if thats what you feel is best for them.

myheartgoesout · 12/06/2018 23:49

I think the attitude in schools is that its healthier to split twins so they develop separate friendships separate from each other which is good for their development. It is better for some twins and not for others, the school don't have a clue which is which until they meet the kids and their parents.

MoonsAndJunes · 13/06/2018 06:30

'AIBU?'
'Yes'
'I've posted in the wrong place, Maybe I'm not explaining myself'

Huh?

FWIW, your choice is simple. Your DC are 'the twins' or they are individuals.

I have an identical twin in one of my classes. I have taught him for 2 years and last month discovered that he has an identical twin (huge school, twin is in different band). He is very much an individual in my eyes.

EvilTwins · 13/06/2018 06:38

FWIW, your choice is simple. Your DC are 'the twins' or they are individuals.

That’s nonsense. And if the only way you can treat a twin in your class as an individual is by not noticing he/she has a twin, then that’s appalling. Thank goodness my twins went to a school which gave us the choice and which had teachers who realised that two DC are individuals whether or not they are in the same room. Clearly the issue is not with twins, it’s with other people! How sad that people feel incapable of recognising that two children are not the same as each other.

Supermagicsmile · 13/06/2018 06:47

Speak to the school and explain how you feel. How many classes are there? Hopefully they'll be space in one of the other classes for them to be together.

Middleoftheroad · 13/06/2018 07:02

As a twin mother I'm on the fence with this one.

My twins were split from year 1. I was fine about this, but mid year, one was under the care of CAMHS due to another boy in class picking on him relentlessly. It was awful. I wanted him to be back with his twin for support.

I was called to a meeting with the HT. When I got there she'd invited several teachers and the pastoral lead, who told me that it would be a mistake to put them together and that I needed to trust their professional judgement.

But this was heart and head. As their mother, I felt I knew best. I listened, but disliked the approach - there was just me and a room of teachers and the intention was to overwhelm me with 'one voice'.

I did keep them separated ad it was fine. They both flourished, as I still believe they would have together.

They were both treated as individuals and learned independence. It was good for THEM. As a parent it may well have been best for ME to keep them together

However, the dynamics of twins are complex and every set up is different. Schools often work hard to keep friends together in school, yet separating twins is often a given.

I think schools should consult with parents if a parent requests it and the decision should rest with them as it isn't always best to split and it isn't always best to keep them together either.

myheartgoesout · 13/06/2018 07:16

•I have an identical twin in one of my classes. I have taught him for 2 years and last month discovered that he has an identical twin (huge school, twin is in different band). He is very much an individual in my eyes.• Teachers who have taught my twins have not known they were twins - even when in the same class at secondary, the primary teachers who didn’t know were very embarrassed and apologetic for knowing so little about their pupil - I was partly relieved that it meant the teacher wasn’t doing the completely crap comparing them thing,

Middleoftheroad · 13/06/2018 07:18

Just to add...my DTs are now at separate schools (y7).

This was the biggest wrench of all, and I would have loved them to be at the same school (but not class) and it would have felt even harder had they not had experience of being separated.

Yogagirl123 · 13/06/2018 07:20

Twins and triplets have always been in the same class at my DS school unless parents have requested otherwise.

CosmicCanary · 13/06/2018 07:31

My twins have stayed together throughout primary.
They sit at different tables and have formed seperate friendship groups because they are different people.

They have asked to be in different classes at high school in September.

As parents we were asked at the begining if we wanted to seperate them and we said no. As the girls got older we asked them what they wanted and they chose to remain together.
I do not think it should be the decision of the school. It should be down to the parents when they are very young and then the children as they get older.

FatCow2018 · 13/06/2018 07:42

scrub are you actually suggesting twins could develop attachment disorder from being seperated for 6 hours a day at 4 years of age?! I'm sorry, but that's utter bollocks!

NorbertTheDragon · 13/06/2018 08:08

Why do twins need to have separate friendships as soon as they start school? This is something that's been said again and again.

Yet my twins were in separate classes to begin with but still ended up with the same friends. And they mainly have the same friends now too.

It doesn't seem to have hindered their development, and it's not like they can't cope if the other isn't there. (And I have asked if they missed their brother if one has been off sick to be met with a grumpy teenage "No.")

It all seems like very much pearl clutching that if you don't separate them right now they'll never ever be able to cope apart for their rest of their lives.

Also, if they're in different classes how are they going to trick the teachers into believing they're their twin. (Mine refused to do that, they were too boring well behaved)

ObiJuanKenobi · 13/06/2018 08:25

Just place marking whilst I catch up. My twins are only 2 so no real advise but interested to find out more on this!

ScrubTheDecks · 13/06/2018 08:32

@FatCow2018 Oops, yes I agree, that would be utter bollocks! I mistakenly posted on the wrong thread. That post was aimed at a discussion on a thread about leaving a baby at 3 months or 15 months for a month. And I don’t have the knowledge to say whether being left for a month at that age would cause attachment disorder, just pointing out that not being able to remember it is no protection against attachment disorder.

There is NO way I would consider it relevant to this thread.

Sorry all

Notonthestairs · 13/06/2018 08:33

I don't have twins. But I do remember how nerve wracking it was sending one off to school let alone two (and my first was really ready for school) so I am sympathetic.

I do think the school should have had a discussion with you. However, it is worth pointing out that Reception may well be the easiest transition that children make throughout their school lives. Reception teachers work very hard to ensure that the switch from nursery to school isn't too overwhelming and therefore it is possible that this is the best time for them to experience not being together.

I'll be interested to know what the school says.

NoughtDegreesNought · 13/06/2018 08:43

EvilTwins

Agree 100% with your last post.

honeysucklejasmine · 13/06/2018 08:57

I have an identical twin in one of my classes. I have taught him for 2 years and last month discovered that he has an identical twin (huge school, twin is in different band). He is very much an individual in my eyes.

Similarly, I taught identical twins, but very different subjects,one of which was a practical subject with no time for chat. Their names started with the same few letters too (think James and Jason) so it took me a few weeks to twig. This is a secondary school where I taught about 180 pupils across two subjects though.

IAmMumWho · 13/06/2018 11:57

I want my twins split up when they start school but sadly they only have one reception class so they'll be together. They need their individuality expressed.

BlueSapp · 13/06/2018 12:03

I had twins in my primary school class and two of triplets in my secondary school class as well, neither set had any issues with making separate sets of friends and all did really well academically so I don't think its a necessity for every set of multiples, especially if OP thinks they would be upset about it i would ask the school to put them in the same class.

Xenia · 13/06/2018 12:30

My twins (non identical boys) are at the same university but have different subjects, different halls and different friends. It's working out very nicely but they have never been in each other's pockets. However some twins are very close (usually identical ones) and can actively want to be together right through their lives too. I don't think if it is for us to decide these things for them. Some will want separation and some closeness which is why I asked mine at 4 and they wanted separate classes.