To expect my twins to be kept together

[Blazingspeed]

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me.
What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

It’s very common to split twins up! We have triplets in our school and they were kept together but twins are always separated.

They will be together lots of the day in the provision anyway.

MaisyPops

The nurtured thing is interesting - with ours it seems to be the other way round. I find that the more DH and I push them to do separate things, the more they insist on being together.

Nought It depends. There are identical twins online saying they don't have a unique and special bond.
I suspect if your twin is someone you would have been close to anyway if they were a sibling, being a twin may make that closer. Some twins do say they are incredibly close. But twins are different from each other. Saying the same for all twins or even all identical twins is denying their differences.

Crunchy I did say: "IMO there is no such thing as one size fits all for twins, just as there isn't for other children".

However, my general experience from many years of reading about twin matters and meeting other twins and their families is that identical twins do have a unique and special bond, be it extreme love or extreme antipathy

Just because something has been done one way for a long time, doesn't make it right or best practices. They used to xray pregnant women and despite research saying it was harmful, it was another 25 years before they stopped. The current research on whether or not to separate twins in the classroom is quite clear and agrees across the board that there is not one right answer and it depends on the temperament of the children and that the family should be consulted/make the decision.

OP, I would recommend googling the subject and printing out some of the more recent and respectable (scientific journal rather than random blog) articles and present those to the school along with a letter from yourself citing the articles and your wish for your twins to be in the same classroom because of their specific emotional needs.

Nought That is interesting. The twins I knew well were not identical, but I have never known two sisters hate each other so much. Even as a teenager it took me aback. And it wasnt hate with love, they genuinely seemed to despise each other.

We have recently separated a pair of twins in our school. Initially it was for behaviour reasons but the thing is that since being separated they have both flourished in terms of behaviour, academic ability and social skills.

The fact that you are ignoring the majority of advice given here from people who are twins, people who have twins and education professionals is concerning.

Don't put them together. I am a twin myself!

OP- when you looked around the school, did you see how the reception classes were organised? At our school, twins are separated, but as the classes are free flowing they would be able to spend nearly the whole day together except for taught classes.
Our HT is very reassuring to twin parents when they ask about how classes will be arranged and has her own experience as a parent of multiples to back it up as well not just her teaching experience.
They’re not going to be completely separated for 6 hours, the time apart will be really minimal, then they’ll be at home together.

I had three sets of twins in my junior class a couple of years ago.

One set got on marvellously, but were so identical I felt it was hard on them not having a clear identity - even their friends struggled to tell them apart.

One set got on fine, but one was slightly under the thumb of the other, bossier one. They were identical, but you could tell who was who so they didn't have to put up with 'Are you x or y?' from anyone.

One set were easy to tell the difference between, but fought like cat and dog and it was a low to their self esteem to be compared to their twin - and they were the worst for doing the comparing and then reacting badly if they didn't think they'd done as well as their sibling.

There's no hard and fast rule.

I suppose I'd consider which direction of class move would be easier later on, if one were needed. For example, if they are separated now and are unhappy, one would have to move class, but it would be towards their twin. If they are together at first and it does not work, then one twin has to move away from friends, twin and towards no one.

Skarossinkplunger Wtf are you talking about? What advice am I ignoring? I said I will speak to the school tomorrow. That’s it.

How many of these people commenting know my children?

I've taught twins together and separate. I don't think it matters either way but it should be up to the parents not the school. One set of lovely boys i taught for 3 years as it was a small school and I moved year groups . The parents joked I was doing experiments on them .

Haven't read the whole thread but YADNBU. The school should have given you the opportunity to discuss what is best for your children.

If there were a rigid policy with no flexibility / input from parents I'd be choosing another school.

That's speaking as a twin myself and a twin parent.

Having twins in the same class will not make them codependent! OP is not being overly anxious to be concerned about how HER children will cope at school. Don't we all just want the best for our children? To suggest mothers of multiples who do wish their children to stay together are going to cause them lifelong issues is offensive.

Words fail me marjorie25. Absolutely 100% uncalled for. Am reporting that post.

I would be wary of people thinking you can just change it later if you think you've made the wrong choice unless the school specifically say it will be fine. I think it's important to make the best choice you can at the start that you think will last them best throughout the school. Schools seem very reluctant to move at a later date unless they have a mix up of classes as a set thing. Not that they won't ever do it, but it takes more than thinking it will be optimal to change it. There are 28 other kids to consider too and the school seems to have lots of things to balance when they decide on class makeup.

Oh ffs. They are 4 years old.

Who is to say they can't develop as individuals in the same class anyway?

Talking about medication and co-dependancy is fucking bonkers. There might be a time where they need to be separated at school. I don't think I would be doing it when they are 4 years old. It is an adjustment going to school, it can be done later. They aren't going to grow up co-dependant because they weren't separated at 4 years old.

As a twin I wasn't split and I do think it's difficult for people to understand that bond.
It's been almost 25 years since I was in reception and I still remember when they separated my sister and I for something on the first day, we were hysterically crying. And the first time my sister went home sick from school I felt lost.

So on one hand I don't think it's fair they did it without consulting you, but on the other hand it is probably more beneficial to them for independence and friendships as my sister and I were more left out in friendship groups and probably didn't make as much effort as needed.

Marjorie is a troll. Read her post on the thread about having sex with your husband even when you don’t want to because if you don’t he’ll cheat and it’s basicslly your fault.

Oh do fuck off Marjorie

Marjorie 😂😂😂 you are absolutely off your tits.

Thanks for that, I needed a laugh

I will not be replying to all the idiots who will reply to this message and who seem to want to placate in making your twins co-dependents in a fast moving world?

Throws a strongly worded post into a thread and flounces...