Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

What happened with my sister.

167 replies

SweetLittleStar · 11/06/2018 22:57

On my birthday my partner attcked me in front of my 20 friends. He did it in a club I go to regularly but I haven’t had the courage to go back since.

5 months later my sister asked me to go out with her to the same club. I refused because I was so traumatised. Eventually, after lectures from family and friends about how strong I am. I went.

She asked me to meet her there at 12. At 11.30 I was in the cab and called numerous times and I got no answer. I assumed she was in the club and couldn’t hear so when I arrived I went in.

When I got inside it was like a battlefield from my previous relationship and I instantly felt vulnerable. I couldn’t find her and had to arrange several Uber’s to get a successful trip back. At 1.30am she eventually responded saying the friend she was with was paralytic and had to go home. I was devastated.

I eventually got in an Uber and told her it was unkind and I’ve spent £60 on an Uber she replied with”well ive spend £140”. I was fuming and said i will not be going out again and I will not be able to attend her birthday in 2 week. She ignored me and ignored me since when I said I was cross and I will be there. I haven’t heard anything from her.. what’s the right thing to do? should i try again to contact her?

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 11/06/2018 23:00

Tell your mum?

ShweShwe · 11/06/2018 23:04

What? I don’t understand a word of this. Several Ubers?

Anyway. Do tell your mum. That’s good advice.

MyKingdomForBrie · 11/06/2018 23:05

No, I wouldn’t contact her. She doesn’t sound like she values your welfare, just leave it and see if she apologises.

Returnofthesmileybar · 11/06/2018 23:08

That was a shitty thing to do to you. Leave her be, she is wrong not you, wait for her to contact you and I wouldn't bother with her birthday unless I got a big apology first

FuckingHateRain · 11/06/2018 23:09

60 quid on Uber?? Did you go to Gatwick and back ? Confused

longlostpal · 11/06/2018 23:13

Try to talk to her in person or on the phone. Sisters mess up sometimes but it’s an important relationship imo and I’m sure you love each other really. Sorry about your past relationship experiences.

condepetie · 11/06/2018 23:15

Why is everyone saying "tell your mum"? What does mum have to do with it? These are grown adults.

Your sister was astonishingly inconsiderate. Does she know the meaning that club has for you? Did you know anyone else on this night out? It was a time when you needed to be with someone close to you, and your sister let you down.

You are not unreasonable to take a break from going out with her. She hasn't apologised to you or said anything else about the outing other than the money she spent taking care of her paralytic friend?

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 11/06/2018 23:18

I think firstly you should seek some counselling. You have been through a lot and need some space and help to process it.
Is your sister a lot younger? I’m not minimising her throughtlessness or the pain that has caused you but she sounds very immature and I wonder if she just do best fully comprehend the extent of your pain?

You’re going to get past this and be happy, you really are

KeepServingTheDrinks · 11/06/2018 23:18

It sounds like you're traumatised by what happened to you and your sister hasn't realized it, or certainly not the extent of it.

MeyYael · 11/06/2018 23:18

Eventually, after lectures from family and friends about how strong I am. I went

That sounds like an awful situation. Not just in regards to your sister but your family and friends in general.

Maybe they're just used to you "functioning"?

This sounds really awful. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Original poster
SweetLittleStar · 11/06/2018 23:21

the mum comments are obviously just people being rude.

we are half sisters related by our dads not that it needs explaining. is everyone on here so rude?!

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetLittleStar · 11/06/2018 23:22

yes sister is quite a few years younger.

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 11/06/2018 23:22

I don't understand why family and friends were urging you to go back to this club - why should you go back ? Surely one club is much like another there must be others you can go to if you want to. It's up to you where you go, and you need only go to places you are comfortable - don't let people force you into things you don't want to do.

Your sister sounds like an insensitive idiot. I wouldn't bother contacting her. I'd try to build a social life that doesn't involve your sister and doing what she wants.

LemonysSnicket · 11/06/2018 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MeyYael · 11/06/2018 23:23

The tell your mum comments may be from users that thought you or at least your sister are still rather young?

(Idk, are you?)

Fruitcorner123 · 11/06/2018 23:25

i think it was insensitive of her anyway to arrange to meet you there. Knowing it was going to be traumatic she should have arranged to arrive with you at the very least. most people would have chosen a different venue

No leave it now and hopefully she will be in contact. Is she quite young? Her behaviour was immature and very selfish.

KurriKurri · 11/06/2018 23:25

Did you report the attack by your partner to the police and if so were you offered any victim support ?

RideOn · 11/06/2018 23:25

As I understand it you have agreed to attend her birthday but you would like her to apologize for encouraging you to attend the place you were assaulted with her, to find out she had let you down and not been where she said she would be.

If she is otherwise a helpful and supportive person normally. I think you should meet in a calm setting and tell her it was very hard for you to go back, you haven't got over the assault, and you feel she let you down. Then she can either apologize or not. You can either forgive her or not. You both can then move on or not.

I think otherwise you will probably get into an argument about this.

Maybe think of some counseling. I'm sorry this happened to you.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/06/2018 23:28

I hope you mean ex...

I'd leave it for now, is Dad a reasonable mediator? Could you confide in him to try and find out what she was thinking

Bigpizzalover · 11/06/2018 23:30

I’m not 100% convinced your sister was been malicious or completely inconsiderate... I know if I had a friend utterly paralytic I’d want to make sure my friend got home safe and that would be the thing at the front of my mind as I would be dealing with that situation there and then...

I do think the texts between you afterwards were hurtful from her as she didn’t even apologise for leaving you to get there and to be alone. The money argument just seems tit for tat.

I think you need to meet her face to face to talk this through. You were upset and then said you would not be going out with her in anger, and now she is angry of that and not speaking to you. Hopefully it will blow over soon enough

Cindie943811A · 11/06/2018 23:31

I’m sorry your sister put you through such an awful and unnecessary experience OP.
Can you write her a calm and reasonable text or email explaining how you felt as you have done here? Emphasise that you only agreed to go because she said she’d be there for you and that you are hurt that she didn’t prioritise your needs or even keep you informed about what was happening. Hopefully, this way you can be heard before she becomes defensive and starts yelling at you. Who knows, she may actually feel guilty about how she let you down.

HeedMove · 11/06/2018 23:34

No dont contact her. Shes the one in the wrong. My sister in your situation, would of come before my parletic friend.id of at least got you before the club to check you were okay and defo wanted to to. And if id not managed that for a reason you couldnt get there until later id of let you know for sure what was going on. She is out of order.

What age are you? If shes a few years younger is she still pretty immature? You dont need to go back to the club at all. Ever. If you dont want to. Thats okay.

Gemini69 · 11/06/2018 23:36

Your Sister is a nasty selfish horrible person... leaving you in that situation knowing your history with the location...

don't contact her .... Fuck her.. Flowers

PaulAnkaDog · 11/06/2018 23:39

The thing I’m most concerned about in your post is you saying ‘partner’ and not ‘ex-partner’, not your sister being immature. Did you stay with this guy?

Original poster
SweetLittleStar · 11/06/2018 23:52

we are still together. we are both (way past) the age of 18 hence why we were in a club. just wondering whether to contact her or leave it?

OP posts: