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Original poster

What happened with my sister.

167 replies

SweetLittleStar · 11/06/2018 22:57

On my birthday my partner attcked me in front of my 20 friends. He did it in a club I go to regularly but I haven’t had the courage to go back since.

5 months later my sister asked me to go out with her to the same club. I refused because I was so traumatised. Eventually, after lectures from family and friends about how strong I am. I went.

She asked me to meet her there at 12. At 11.30 I was in the cab and called numerous times and I got no answer. I assumed she was in the club and couldn’t hear so when I arrived I went in.

When I got inside it was like a battlefield from my previous relationship and I instantly felt vulnerable. I couldn’t find her and had to arrange several Uber’s to get a successful trip back. At 1.30am she eventually responded saying the friend she was with was paralytic and had to go home. I was devastated.

I eventually got in an Uber and told her it was unkind and I’ve spent £60 on an Uber she replied with”well ive spend £140”. I was fuming and said i will not be going out again and I will not be able to attend her birthday in 2 week. She ignored me and ignored me since when I said I was cross and I will be there. I haven’t heard anything from her.. what’s the right thing to do? should i try again to contact her?

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 11/06/2018 23:55

Why do you say related by our dads, plural? Surely it's just one dad?

robindeer · 11/06/2018 23:55

Mate, your sister is not the issue.

insomuchpain · 11/06/2018 23:57

Mate, she clearly is

Original poster
SweetLittleStar · 11/06/2018 23:57

does it matter. i meant dad, im typing and doing other things. its clear what i meant surely.

OP posts:
RideOn · 11/06/2018 23:59

Just concentrate on getting away from the shithead that attacked you.

CadyHeron · 11/06/2018 23:59

Why are people focusing on how much she did or didn't spend on a taxi and saying things like tell your mum,and that it's hard to understand?
OP was perfectly clear.
Encouraging you to back to your place of attack knowing that it would be hard for you and then effectively standing you up once you got there and left you on your own was a shitty thing for your sister to do Sad
She either didn't care, or the more likely explanation of was completely ignorant and oblivious to your feelings.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2018 00:00

I honestly think you need to sort our your romantic relationship first. You're so traumatised you can't go to the club but you come home to him every night.

Agree with Robin, your sister isn't your (biggest) issue

CadyHeron · 12/06/2018 00:02

we are still together.

you said he attacked you Sad you've got problems with your family not understanding by the sounds of it, but also....your partner. He shouldn't be getting away with attacking you.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 12/06/2018 00:04

I don’t understand why you’d meet in club at midnight. Is that a normal arrangement as I’d have thought you have a few drinks in a nearby bar then head to the club.
Personally I’d never go into a nightclub on my own and that’s speaking as someone who has never experienced any sort of violence inside. I know not helpful now but it sounds a bit bootycall-ish Hmm * and I’d advise in future if someone doesn’t want your company for the whole evening then they’re not worth the trip x
*I know it’s your sister but you get what I mean..?

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 12/06/2018 00:10

Gosh, how awful to be attacked. That must have been really hard for you to go back there, and then feel vulnerable. That's a horrible situation. I hear this sounds like your sister nagged to get you to fit into her plans to come to a party, then wasn't there anyway. And you did have a horrible night. Sounds like everyone is looking at this from her angle.

So what did you learn. Listen to your gut? That your sister isn't able to see things from your perspective yet..... that this is stalemate until you or someone intervenes.

I hope you have promised to value yourself more, and never go out with low lifes like that again.

CadyHeron · 12/06/2018 00:11

forget why are you turning it round onto the OP like it's her fault? She's with a twat who apparently attacks her and a sister who stands her up after persuading her to go back there with her knowing it was hard for her to do.
Booty call to go into a nightclub by yourself to meet up with your sister? Really?!
I've dared to go into nightclubs by myself in the past, I certainly wasn't out for booty calls!

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 12/06/2018 00:11

OP, she's young. Of course she had a paraletic friend at 12pm in a club. I can picture the night I bet it was AWFUL......

BedtimeTea · 12/06/2018 00:14

Your sistervwas incons8derste but not worth wasting thoughts on it.
If you usually get along this is not worth a feud. Just wait forcan apology.
I am more concerned about you being with an abusive partner. When you say your partner attacked you, do you mean he physically attacked you?

SevenStones · 12/06/2018 00:14

If you're still with the person who attacked you then how can other people appreciate the trauma you felt?

In fact, how can you be so traumatised that you find it difficult to go back to the venue, but are still with the person concerned.

It doesn't make sense, so no wonder your sister didn't appear too concerned and family/friends were telling you to go back.

CadyHeron · 12/06/2018 00:16

Yes,mountains, I can imagine it went like that too. Pissed up friend paralytic that has to be taken home, you'd definitely want to make sure your friend got home safely, I know I would.
Hard to know what to do from the sister's point of view I suppose as needs to make sure her friend's OK but needs to be there for her sister too.
I don't think it'll have been intentional, OP. Horrible for you that you felt unsupported though.

BedtimeTea · 12/06/2018 00:16

Sorry about those typo's.

CadyHeron · 12/06/2018 00:18

In fact, how can you be so traumatised that you find it difficult to go back to the venue, but are still with the person concerned

I'm not the OP obviously, but surely it'd trigger memories or flashbacks of it.

2blueshoes · 12/06/2018 00:19

Shitty to expect you to go back in the first place. Tell your mum and she's a cf for leaving you.

Ellisandra · 12/06/2018 00:21

This arsehole attacked you and that experience was so bad that you can’t set foot in the club again. Yet you can stay with him.
Forget this crap with your sister, you need to get some support - Women’s Aid?

I can see though why your sister thinks going to that club is no big deal. Why would she think it was an issue, if you’re still with him? She’s probably too young to realise that people stay with violent arsehole boyfriends for many reasons.

Stay safe, OP Sad

PeakPants · 12/06/2018 00:21

I'm not the OP obviously, but surely it'd trigger memories or flashbacks of it.

As would remaining in a relationship with the attacker. It will happen again- these things are never a one off.

SevenStones · 12/06/2018 00:23

I'm not the OP obviously, but surely it'd trigger memories or flashbacks of it.

Yet still being with the person who attacked you has no such triggers?

SinisterBumFacedCat · 12/06/2018 00:23

The club is not the problem here.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 12/06/2018 00:24

She was a twat...but tbf your partner attacked you which is a lot worse than your sister ditching you and you forgave him so this seems rather trivial in comparison.
Plus £60 on Uber's wtf? And I also don't understand why you were meeting in the club at 12 and not on the full night out.

Original poster
SweetLittleStar · 12/06/2018 00:31

12 is the normal time we get to the club. it opens at 10 but you wouldnt really get there till 11-12. we dont go to bars beforehand.

OP posts:
Morphene · 12/06/2018 00:58

I can kind of understand your sister not taking your fears seriously if you are still with the person who attacked you! But maybe that isn't what you meant?

I mean if someone told me they were substantially more frightened of the place and attack occurred than of the person who did the attacking then I would think they were just making excuses not to go....