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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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What happened with my sister.

167 replies

SweetLittleStar · 11/06/2018 22:57

On my birthday my partner attcked me in front of my 20 friends. He did it in a club I go to regularly but I haven’t had the courage to go back since.

5 months later my sister asked me to go out with her to the same club. I refused because I was so traumatised. Eventually, after lectures from family and friends about how strong I am. I went.

She asked me to meet her there at 12. At 11.30 I was in the cab and called numerous times and I got no answer. I assumed she was in the club and couldn’t hear so when I arrived I went in.

When I got inside it was like a battlefield from my previous relationship and I instantly felt vulnerable. I couldn’t find her and had to arrange several Uber’s to get a successful trip back. At 1.30am she eventually responded saying the friend she was with was paralytic and had to go home. I was devastated.

I eventually got in an Uber and told her it was unkind and I’ve spent £60 on an Uber she replied with”well ive spend £140”. I was fuming and said i will not be going out again and I will not be able to attend her birthday in 2 week. She ignored me and ignored me since when I said I was cross and I will be there. I haven’t heard anything from her.. what’s the right thing to do? should i try again to contact her?

OP posts:
SunnyCoco · 13/06/2018 07:39

Wow some nasty responses on here

There are so many reasons why people feel unable to leave an abusive relationship, stop blaming her for his behaviour

OP please get some help in real life but if you also want online support I recommend posting on the relationship board instead of aibu

FuckingHateRain · 13/06/2018 08:21

CadyHeron yes I posted that sorry if I confused you Smile
No way in hell shes 'way past' 18!
Mentioning 18 means she's 18,5, especially from language used Wink

Butterflykissess · 13/06/2018 08:23

yet her sisters a few years younger than her? in a club? yeh theres some nasty comments just for the sake of it.

FuckingHateRain · 13/06/2018 08:24

There are so many reasons why people feel unable to leave an abusive relationship, stop blaming her for his behaviour
Yes and she should focus on that rather than the sister. People just pointing out the obvious rather than babysitting, possibly that's what it takes for someone to wake up

Butterflykissess · 13/06/2018 08:28

what being nasty to them? yeh i doubt it.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 13/06/2018 09:18

I don't think theres much nastiness here. People are just pointing out that the Op is going out of her way to avoid traumatic triggers of an attack like the club where it happened, but is ignoring the fact that the actual attacker is her partner and more of a risk to her than a club, her sister, an overpriced uber etc. Op was immediately on the defensive and has been pretty rude to other posters, she may not be young but she sounds very immature and was unwilling to listen to anyone pointing out the obvious.

FoodGloriousFud · 13/06/2018 09:26

Am I the only one who finds it odd that the OP was traumatised by going back to the club but stayed with her attacker?! Surely that's more traumatising?!

Bluntness100 · 13/06/2018 09:28

I'm not sure she is in an abusive relationship from her later posts, suspect this was more a pissed up argument the pair of them had, but agree she made it sound horrific in her op. Either way she's flounced.

FoodGloriousFud · 13/06/2018 09:33

@Bluntness100 All your replies have been spot on. Op seems to thrive on drama.

Butterflykissess · 13/06/2018 09:56

Am I the only one who finds it odd that the OP was traumatised by going back to the club but stayed with her attacker?! Surely that's more traumatising?!

pretty much everyone said that. which i do agree. however i do find some of these comments uncalled for.

eloisesparkle · 13/06/2018 10:01

Your sister isn't the problem.
Your violent partner is.
How could your sister know how traumatised you were going to the club if you are still with the person who attacked you ?
Why are you still with them?
Your family and friends persuaded you to go back out socialising.
Did they try to persuade you to leave the person who attacked you ?
If not, why not ?

Motoko · 13/06/2018 10:23

Am I the only one who finds it odd that the OP was traumatised by going back to the club but stayed with her attacker?! Surely that's more traumatising?!

Why do people say this (am I the only one) when it's blatantly obvious that they're NOT the only one thinking that?

I've never understood that.

Bramble71 · 13/06/2018 10:30

I think you can do without this half-sister in your life. Why on earth would she encourage you to go back to a place where such an awful thing happened. If she wanted to take you out somewhere, surely there must have been another club or late pub she could have picked. What an inconsiderate person she is.

You were very brave to even go to the place, but it didn't work out. There are lots of other places to go when you eventually feel ready. In the meantime, maybe only associate with friends/family who are more considerate of you.

FoodGloriousFud · 13/06/2018 10:35

@Butterflykissess
@Motoko I'd only read the first couple of pages and it hadn't been mentioned. I'll rtft in future. Not exactly relevant to the original post though.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 13/06/2018 12:26

In the meantime, maybe only associate with friends/family who are more considerate of you.

Starting with the abusive partner

eloisesparkle · 13/06/2018 13:03

Bramble She's still with the partner who attacked her and has left the thread because most posters advised that she leave her abusive partner and her sister wasn't the problem.
Read the full thread.

Juells · 13/06/2018 13:11

The night club is triggering and traumatic, but the partner is AOK.

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