What happened with my sister.

[SweetLittleStar]

On my birthday my partner attcked me in front of my 20 friends. He did it in a club I go to regularly but I haven’t had the courage to go back since.

5 months later my sister asked me to go out with her to the same club. I refused because I was so traumatised. Eventually, after lectures from family and friends about how strong I am. I went.

She asked me to meet her there at 12. At 11.30 I was in the cab and called numerous times and I got no answer. I assumed she was in the club and couldn’t hear so when I arrived I went in.

When I got inside it was like a battlefield from my previous relationship and I instantly felt vulnerable. I couldn’t find her and had to arrange several Uber’s to get a successful trip back. At 1.30am she eventually responded saying the friend she was with was paralytic and had to go home. I was devastated.

I eventually got in an Uber and told her it was unkind and I’ve spent £60 on an Uber she replied with”well ive spend £140”. I was fuming and said i will not be going out again and I will not be able to attend her birthday in 2 week. She ignored me and ignored me since when I said I was cross and I will be there. I haven’t heard anything from her.. what’s the right thing to do? should i try again to contact her?

Not sure why you think this site is weird OP?

Because posters see fit to tell her to tell her mum and focus on meeting at 12 in a club (Is that so unusual really? )

Well she's flounced now. What a shame as not all advice has been unhelpful. I would just suggest the sisters get together and iron a few issue out. Simples.

I'm not the OP obviously, but surely it'd trigger memories or flashbacks of it

Well yes but I think still being in a relationship with the person who attacked you would also be a big trigger.

Yes because the OP tried to skew the story. She said her sister stood her up in a place she was attacked and found very traumatic.

What actually happened was her sister stood her up.

The traumer was some bullshit to get us on side. She had a drunken row with her BF which doesn't sound very nice but not totally uncommon.

So is she in the right to be naffed off with her sister? Yes, because there must have been a point in the evening before OP got in a taxi and paid entry to the club where she could have called to say friend is too drunk, I have to take her home. Or at least before 1:30. But it's not the end of the world. You can enjoy yourself in a nightclub on your own.

The traumer was some bullshit to get us on side. She had a drunken row with her BF which doesn't sound very nice but not totally uncommon. Unfortunately DV is not uncommon. Doesn't make it less traumatic.

Unless you know otherwise she says from the start that her family had to convince her to go back. So I don't think she is trying to skew the story or get us on side as she wants to know what to do not get strangers to agree with her.

^this is what the OP is calling weird.

OK, so her further responses were minimising his behaviour. In that case I back peddle.

It's hard to get a real idea of what happened. In that she doesn't really accept what happened.

I hope if she does read it back she will take that message from the thread.

I'm really sorry this happened to you, OP.

And it seems like you're not getting the responses you wanted / expected... But I do hope you're still reading this. Because some of these responses might still benefit you.

just to clarify i never said he attacked me to such an extent, not trying to minimise it but he grabbed my leg and was screaming in my face to get outside to talk to him, he bruised my arm while he was grabbing me, at this point he was removed from the area we were in (vip bit as it was my birthday) by the bouncers. he has never done anything like that before hence the shock and me feeling traumatised

Right... But you decided to stay with him. And you didn't mention (did I miss it?) Him going to anger management classes or anything.

You went back to him.

But are too traumatised to (comfortably) revisit the place where the incident occured.

Idk... I personally - if I was your sister - might try to make you 'face your trauma' / make you face the fact that your P's behaviour was completed inappropriate. (Not saying this is necessarily the best way, btw.)

Or she might have assumed that you're ok with it and just looking for an excuse etc (seeing as you stayed with the person that traumatised you!) And felt like prioritising her friend was absolutely justified / necessary.

Whatever it is... I really urge you to not burn any bridges with your family.

Isolating yourself is one of the worst things you could do in your current situation...

Take care!

it happened 6 months ago. we dealt with it.

But you're apparently still dealing with the aftermath. It doesn't seem like it's been dealt with.

You call minor standing someone up after them paying to get somewhere to meet you and paying for entry

Her friend needed her.

I call this unfortunate but ultimately harmless.

What I don't call minor is someone grabbing me by my leg (!) and trying to drag me out of a club.

OP doesn't realise how her and her OP comes across , normal for the age I suppose. I actually thought she was way younger than 18, the OP is very childish but more shocking the subsequent responses particularly around staying with OH

OP getting assaulted at such a young age and actually endorsing it by tolerating it means one thing, it ll happen again and again and again. Doesn't matter that it was the first time , this is only the beginning!
Really wish you the best and mostly to get rid of the shit! Accepting this at 18 you ll end up accepting worse shit at 40!
Good luck

I’m so bloody confused it’s unreal. Which leads me to the most obvious and obvious explanation given from Bluntness. I’m going with that one too!

mummyof

Or she's confused and tying herself in knots to justify being with this man... :/

I'm not the OP obviously, but surely it'd trigger memories or flashbacks of it

She must shit herself every time she wakes up to this prick then!

She must shit herself every time she wakes up to this prick then!

I'm baffled as to why OP blames the location of the assault.. but not the assailant of the assault for her trauma and continues to live with him...and her family consider her 'brave' for returning to the place it happened.. but have nothing to say about her still living with the man who assaulted her

The poster's only 18?! FFS, even more so people are being unnecessarily horrible on here then!
What happened to supporting people who have been attacked by their partner?!
OP, if you're still reading, your sister and family were thoughtless to try and get you to go back to somewhere they knew you were uncomfortable with. Then to just not turn up when you got up the courage to go was even more so thoughtless.
You've got an other problem here though, which is that you have a partner who you say attacked you (is that physically? I assume so) in front of your friends but you're still with him.
Please leave him if so, that's not normal for him to do that.
(Think that's my first ever LTB on here)

The poster's only 18?!*

Ffs read rhe thread, she says she's way past 18 and her sister is a few years younger than her. I don't know what kind of clubs you think let ten year olds in at midnight and take drunk people home , but I'm sure we'd all be keen to hear,...

Some people really are that desperate to be a “lone voice”.

MeyYael
The whole story is so incoherent. He pulled her leg, shouted in her face and tugged on her arm because he wanted to get her outside to talk. Sounds a horrible experience. No other incidents before or since though. It is fair to assume lots of alcohol is consumed judging by her sisters friend. If this is a fair description of the situation, I’d say a drunken fight.

Whatever happens now, she’s got to start looking after herself better. Going to clubs and drinking sounds like a bad idea.

mummy 100% agree with that.

Whether this was a drunk argument of whether he attacked her (drunk or not...)... Something seems to be going on and I really hope the OP looks after herself.

Ffs read rhe thread, she says she's way past 18 and her sister is a few years younger than her

Is there really any need to be so rude? I read this comment I actually thought she was way younger than 18, as that she was 18 and not younger.
Apologies for reading it wrong! Still doesn't excuse people are being seriously horrible on here about someone who has been attacked by a partner. Not a lone voice, thanks for whoever said that as other comments have said the same.

I'm genuinely not sure what part of repeatedly posting that people on here are horrible you personally feel is not rude.

At least we paid the op the respect of bothering to read the thread and her posts.

Wow, I feel old!

Hope all worked out OP.

Wow, I feel old!

Why still all the comments/digs about OP’s age? She said she is older than 18 and we don’t know how much older. Some people are being unnecessarily horrible on this thread.

The point about meeting at midnight is that meeting late means that it is more likely that other factors would get in the way and make it more likely that the meet up doesn’t happen.

Eg if you meet at nine it is far less likely that one of the group will have already needed to go home because of drink compared to meeting at midnight.

KappaKapppa

Give over. I wasn't having a go about the OPs age.

I feel old at all the talk of not even going out til midnight, as I used to do myself, when I was young. That's all, nothing more than that.